I forgive myself that
I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept myself and to accept things, as
in my life and my process and my circumstances and my mind, as what they are,
by comparing and going into the past looking at what I could have, should have,
would have done, at how things 'ought to be' different, because I 'shouldn't
be' dealing with the points I'm dealing with, and judging consequences that I
am facing and that are playing out in my life, thinking oh if only I had done
things differently or if only I had transcended or realized that point sooner
-- instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that although yes,
consequences are always hard to face, and it always feels like a 'failure' in
some ways because 'all this happened just cause I wasn't aware', at the end of
the day it's here for me to learn, as part of my process, and I shouldn't be so
hard on myself about the things that I still need to learn and haven't been
understanding or seeing or realizing or aware of, as facing consequences is
hard enough --- what I need is for me to support myself through it, take it for
and as what it is, and be understanding and forgiving with myself so I can make
the best out of the situation -- realizing that what's here is here, and it's
merely my reality showing me things I haven't taken accountability for, things
I've been giving my power away to and have been using as a crutch or a
smokescreen to not see myself and to not stand
I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself and my process to sort of be
'perfect', because I had this image or idea or belief in my mind of what it was
going to be like, and now that it turns out to not be like that at all but in a
way quite the opposite, to think and believe that I must have 'done it all
wrong' -- instead of just being real with myself about the fact that this
process is about walking myself into perfection, and about correcting all the
'imperfections' I've been accepting and allowing in and as me -- which are VAST
- and so yes, things will get TOUGH as I face all of me that I have never taken
responsibility for throughout my existence -- and so I should rather find a way
to enjoy in a way, and sort of sit back and relax so I can face these things
'comfortably', or rather without too much unnecessary suffering, as there will
be suffering enough
I forgive myself that I
havent accepted and allowed myself to, instead of so easily and automatically
beating up on myself and being hard on myself for my apparent and perceived
'failings', rather find ways to support myself, because that's at the end of
the day what I really need --- all the support I can get, if I want to in any
way get through this process effectively
I forgive myself that I
havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that
beating up on myself and being hard on myself doesn't work – in terms of that
it’s more like an excuse to not take responsibility and walk that process of
simply correcting and perfecting myself, which is arduous enough
I forgive myself that I
haven’t accepted and allowed myself to support myself – seeing and realizing
and understanding that it’s what I need in order to perfect myself, to change
myself into what’s best for all – is to give myself all my support – IF I am
really in fact serious about walking this process
I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me being hard on myself is
somehow me being helpful – instead of seeing and realizing and understanding
that it really doesn’t serve me as it just triggers a lot of emotions in me
where I just end up keeping myself trapped in emotions rather than actually
supporting myself to move forward
I forgive myself that I
haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that any
‘being hard on myself’ is really a deliberate self-sabotage programming in the
mind because I’m really not helping or supporting myself in my process of
self-correction and self-perfection as I’m just not giving myself what I
actually need – but more dragging myself down and making it ten times harder
for myself to really move myself, because all I really need is support and
understanding and consideration and care for me to believe in myself and to
stand up and pick myself up
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have a self honest look at what I actually need to walk my process effectively – rather than just by default choosing to be hard on myself and beat up on myself, assuming that that’s what I need or that’s how I need to be treated and approached – instead of looking at the objective, which is me succeeding in my process of self-perfection and then based on that, choosing the best treatment and approach that’s going to support me most effectively to be successful in the outcome
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that choosing to automatically beat up on myself and be hard on myself for any little ‘mistake’ or flaw is actually like deliberate self-sabotage and is more something that I copied and learned from my environment growing up, who obviously also weren’t very observant or caring or considerate in terms of looking at what I actually needed in order to learn and develop myself most effectively or achieve certain results, but would more REACT – not considering or caring about the consequences those reactions would have in terms of how I would go on to believe that that’s how I should be treated and that’s the ‘normal’ response to ‘mistakes’ or ‘flaws’
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to assess
for myself what’s actually needed and whether this beating up and being hard is
actually effective – where obviously my environment’s objective was to push me
somehow to not make certain mistakes and push me towards ‘success’ or some kind
of outcome, yet where the effects of their approach actually more had the
adverse effect, where I’d get really anxious and nervous about ‘making
mistakes’ and would really limit myself in everything I did and so actually
compromised my ability to achieve success and develop myself effectively in
certain areas – which is now the same within my process, where I actually work
against myself by being hard on myself for my ‘mistakes’ rather than
being supportive
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to really actually care about perfecting myself and correcting myself and standing as what's best for all - by allowing myself to be side-tracked so often, or just allowing these kind of experiences and patterns to come in and hold me back and suppress my movement, to the point where it just feels so hard to just stand up and change and just live the solution because I feel bad about myself or I believe myself to be unworthy or undeserving or whatever feeling or thought is there to make implementing and living change feel like a struggle or even an impossibility for me --- where I then get more focused and preoccupied with this sabotage point and allow that to take the stage, completely losing sight of where I was actually going and what I am actually doing, and obviously believing that whatever this 'roadblock' is thats making me believe I 'can't' perfect myself is more important than actually perfecting myself
so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to basically place the mind - as all the reasons why i 'can't' perfect myself and exist as whats best for all - before what's best for all as life, by allowing myself to give my power and attention away to all these 'reasons' for why i apparently cannot do it or why it's really difficult or tough for me, as though suddenly my 'goal' as 'what's best for all' and 'self-perfection' doesn't matter anymore and isn't all that important --- just cause the mind swooped in to make me feel like me being imperfect is more important than me being perfect, and me NOT living what's best for all is more important than me living what's best for all
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that whats important is that I correct and change myself and live as what's best for all --- not how I feel about myself or things like whether or not I am worthy or deserving or good enough - cause this is about more than just me, this is about 'all as me' - so do i really care or consider 'all as me' when I allow myself to listen to the reasons for why I can't stand or can't do it or can't change?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it makes sense to basically work against myself in this process of self-perfection, and have it be this struggle - where I'm mostly just struggling against myself and all these mechanisms and patterns within me where i make this process more difficult for me than it actually needs to be - just by basically 'being on my case' anytime I see a 'mistake' I made in terms of something I missed or a point I wasn't aware of or something I've neglected to work on in my process, or consequences playing out, which actually happens a lot, where I have these 'sudden realizations' that 'omg I've fallen into some point in the mind' or that I've fallen into the revenge of the ego or the mind had me by the balls somehow all the while I was believing that I know what I'm doing and I'm on top of things - instead of just immediately going into the correction and looking at how to change and move from there -- so not remaining stuck within the point of 'omg I fucked up!' through beating up on myself, but rather being understanding and realizing that I will need to move forward at some point anyways, so might as well just go into living solutions immediately as I see the problem
I forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that everything about my existence is and has been a 'problem' - has been programming - and NOTHING has been life, nothing has been me, so everywhere I look is going to be 'problems' and 'consequence' as things to correct and redefine -- so I better just get going with my process of correction cause consequence is going to be here regardless, it's just up to me how 'severe' it's going to be
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that everything that is here is consequence - so I will be facing consequence in one way or another, specifically about all the points I have not been specifically changing and correcting in my process, as points I have been neglecting or not taking seriously in terms of changing - also as a consequence of allowing myself to hold myself back and sabotage myself in how I walk my process --- so might as well let go of any reactions with regards to facing consequence, and just accept the consequences I'm facing and just immediately go into living solutions
I see and realize and understand that everything that's here is consequence as i have never lived me and never lived life as what's best for all, but have always been living programming -- and that thus this pattern and programming in the mind of being hard on myself and beating up on myself for the consequences I'm facing due to my 'mistakes' and flaws that I have not changed or corrected does not make sense as all I'm doing is just prolonging my process of simply changing and correcting and living solutions
I see and realize and understand that in a way it's like, within this pattern of beating up on myself and being hard on myself for my 'mistakes' is like I am coming from a belief that i am perfect or am already supposed to be perfect - while not realizing or understanding that if anything, I am like the opposite of perfect and have always existed as a preprogrammed system full of patterns and mechanisms and definitions that aren't best, and have never been aware of any of it, nor have taken responsibility for any of it -- so really, all I'm going to be dealing with is nothing but 'mistakes', as things I'll have to realize along the way that I havent been aware of and havent taken responsibility for - so I'll need to find a way to get past the reactions of wanting to beat up on myself for all of it and just taking it as it is and get into living solutions regardless of what the problem is
I see and realize and understand that while my initial reaction is to beat up on myself - i will have to eventually just change anyways so might as well go into the process of change immediately instead of lingering in the reactions to the problem
I commit myself to, when I am faced with a mistake in terms of something i havent been aware of cause I've been neglecting investigating or changing the point, support myself to go into immediate looking a solution rather than lingering in a reaction of beating up on myself for it
I commit myself to actually SUPPORT myself in terms of just doing what I see I can, to change and correct myself, rather than being in this point of trying to avoid consequences somehow or avoid facing my mistakes and then ending up just not moving effectively in the process of self-perfection and -correction -- and so actually just get myself MOVING rather than stagnating
