Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Checking In with the Real You

This is a continuation of my previous post "The True Test is the Positive"

Let's talk about something exciting today - for a change lol

There was this post on facebook:

The first words I saw were 'me', 'connection' and 'miracle'. At first I thought "Pffft, this is stupid". But then I figured, well, everything is specific. And it may not be something 'magical' and 'profound', but it is 'specific'. As in, pertaining to 'where you're at'. Things are also specific in that they don't just show you 'where you're at' but also what you should maybe be realizing.

Those three words I picked out actually very much make sense when I look at 'where I'm at' right now. In that, even though I've had to face and realize some 'tough' things about myself recently, it's definitely brought about a 'new' point of connection that I'm experiencing, and it definitely feels like a 'miracle' to me lol

So let's do this again and let's see what comes up now. This time it's 'do', 'me' and 'miracle'. Or how about 'gratitude', 'alignment' and 'care'. Or 'strength', 'care' and 'power'. You can keep going but, the words you pick out will be specific. As in, they 'resonate' with you. You can even let your eyes glide over it and you'll see different words, but only the ones that are specific for you will really 'stand out'. Especially when you've already done it a few times, you already know where all the words are lol so you'll still 'see' all those words. Yet only the actual relevant and 'specific' ones will stand out.

Like I said, it's nothing magical or 'special'. But it does give you a chance to 'check in with yourself' in a way that's just fun and simplistic. Check in with the 'real you' so to speak. And what that real you wants you to know and become aware of.

Monday, December 9, 2019

The True Test is the Positive

This is a continuation of my previous post "Why don't you just Change?"

The same goes for the 'internal change'. As long as you're still digging around for 'why' you're like this or that or 'why' you're not yet like this or that, you're essentially looking for excuses to not simply change.

Because, change is something you DON'T WANT lol So, yeah, you're GOING to try and find excuses to not go there. Your mind's going to bring out the big guns. Cause, what does change REALLY mean?

Change means that you have to give up on, not just the things that 'don't feel nice', but actually mostly the things that do. And the only reason why the 'unpleasant' things exist is because there are the 'pleasant' things that you just don't want to give up. If you really wanted to change, you'd be changed already.

The real problems is the desires. And not even the obvious ones. I'm talking about the desires that have become 'part of you'. That's created just a constant 'feeling' experience which you believe is just 'you'. The desires which you don't even recognize as desires. I'm talking about the just 'general' experience of yourself in any given moment.

I mean it's scary stuff, actually. In a way it's 'easy' to give up on and change the negative stuff. It's the positive that you gotta watch out for. That's the 'real' stuff. The stuff you don't actually want to let go of. The stuff that's really going to test you.

ARE you going to actually let go of the things you don't WANT to let go of? Cause I mean, we're talking about addictions you've spent your whole life developing here. Addiction to energy. To feeling energy, however subtle. And, it's subtle!

It takes some radical self-honesty to face the positive in a way where you truly transcend it. Not only that but, your 'reflex' of going into these positive experiences is so 'natural' and 'automatic', that you have to constantly and continuously stop yourself and 'slap yourself in the face' so to speak. Splash some cold water in your face so you 'stay sober' and remain 'here'.

This is the REAL process. Where you have to walk through the eye of the needle. And prove to yourself, life and existence that you can truly give up on the mind.

Sunday, December 8, 2019

Why Don't you Just Change?

This is a continuation of my previous post "Where to Start with Practical Change?"

 There's a tendency to want to keep writing about 'why' things are the way they are. 'Why' am I still in a point? 'Why' am I not yet changed?

But there's an interesting thing about this 'why' point. It messes with your self-direction. Instead of moving in a straight line from point A to point B, asking "Why am I still in point A?" and "Why am I not yet at point B?", just 'scrambles' your ability to simply put one foot in front of the other towards point B.

And in fact, it's a deliberate self-sabotage programming. Asking, "Why?" It actually comes from a resistance to just go to point B full steam ahead. Because, you can actually see that it would be easy. That it's really just a matter of 'doing' what needs to be done. And that if you just made the decision, you'd already be at point B.

But there's a part of you that doesn't want to go there. A part of you that wants to hold on to the 'old' and that's not ready to change. That part of you will do whatever it needs to keep you in your 'comfort zone'. And it knows just how to do that.

One major way it does that is by taking your focus away from where you want to go as point B, by creating a whole lot of 'internal objections'. There's suddenly all these 'internal movements' that start taking place. And you feel like you need to direct all of it, and it's taking up a lot of your focus. Before you know it, you're more caught up into the apparent 'why' things are or aren't happening, than actually making it happen.

Because the truth is, that you simply don't want to 'make it happen'. You're just looking for excuses to hold yourself back and not make the simple decision to change.

Saturday, December 7, 2019

Where to Start with Practical Change?

This is a continuation of my previous post "Forgetting Why we Do what we Do"

The performing monkey. You catch a glimpse sometimes of what's really hiding behind everything. And in that one moment letting go of all of it seems like the only thing that makes sense. After all, how could you just go back to things when you see so clearly that it's always been a lie? It seems like, that one realization is like a new breath of life. And you can start all over again. 

But the reality is different. Yes, you have a deeper understanding, and you realized something. And yes, it was substantial and transcendental. BUT, you don't actually transcend the mind by realizing something in just one moment. Because, what is the mind? The mind is a machine that stands equal with the physical body. It's infused into every little part and particle of 'you' within and as the body.

And, just like the body will continue pumping blood and doing it's 'normal routine', so will the mind simply continue it's routine. And, so will you within your body and mind, go back to your routine.

That's why, realizations are worthless. If you really want to change, you need to start getting practical. Figure out how the machine works in real-time and start changing the real-time moments.

How does the machine around the performing monkey programming operate in real-time? And what are the behaviors that I can start practically changing in moments? What behaviors am I doing from a starting point of 'performing', where I'm creating a 'separation' from my expression?

It's not easy, walking this 'real-time' process. Catching myself 'in the act'. Because, as I said, it's all routine. And I've never questioned that routine before. It was 'working for me'. Very dysfunctionally, sure, but it was working enough for me to not feel the need to question it.

Friday, December 6, 2019

Forgetting Why we Do what we Do

This is a continuation of my previous post "Are you Changing on a Physical Level?"

A programming that I have lived in my life is that of a 'performing monkey' lol You know one of those monkey's used by street artists where the monkey has to dance or perform some stupid trick - and it does that because that's the only way to get any food from it's owner?

I've been working with my 'desire for recognition' and when I looked at "what's behind this?", that's what I found lol The 'performing monkey' programming. A conditioning to 'perform' in order to 'get what I want and need'. There's a strong 'need to survive' behind it. Like the monkey you see performing tricks. It's not doing that because it likes the attention or it likes to 'show off'. It's doing that because that's what it has to do to survive.

So imagine my surprise upon seeing this programming 'hiding' behind the desire for recognition. Surprise because, clearly I have become the 'performing monkey' to such an extent that I've forgotten all about the fact that it's not actually 'me'. I don't ACTUALLY want the recognition or attention. I'm doing it for survival. That's where it all started. That's why I started doing it.

Imagine the acceptance of oneself as a slave that has to take place for that monkey to actually believe that it's 'enjoying' the attention. Not just acceptance of oneself as a slave but most importantly the overwhelming despair and hopelessness that would drive that monkey to 'forget' it's real reason for doing what it's doing.

It's very sad really. I did not realize I was living such a sad story. A sadness that feels more like a 'pit of despair'.

Will that monkey ever be able to stop performing? Will it ever realize that its 'owner' is long gone so it doesn't have to perform anymore? Will it ever drop the fear of survival and take a chance on life  the way it always should have been?

Well, this monkey is at least starting to realize it's sad, shackled little life that it's been living. And, that's a start isn't it?

Thursday, December 5, 2019

Are you Changing on a Physical Level?

This is a continuation of my previous post "Directed, Influenced and Defined by Desires"

Transcending desires really is just a matter of changing habits. To stop yourself from doing those things which you know are coming from a place of 'addiction'. An addiction to a feeling. So it's to just identify when and where and how you go into behaviors that are motivated by a desire for something. And then, like you are a common addict lol, you need to 'cut yourself off'.

When it comes to those desires, I have actually mostly been focusing on the 'internal stuff' - the thoughts and the reactions that come up in my mind. I've been trying to stop that. But actually now I'm realizing that if I don't change the behavioral patterns then I'm not changing anything at all. If anything I'm actually keeping the fact that I'm not actually changing a secret from myself.

Because, in my mind I'm changing! Or at least that's what it looks like. Actually more often than not what happens is that I end up just suppressing the thoughts and reactions so it 'looks like' I am changing. The change that truly matters is in my physical actions.

The physical is where you 'prove' who you are. It's where real self-honesty exists. You can do what you want in your mind. Thinking and believing that 'you've changed' on the inside. But if you're not changing on a physical level then you're just bullshitting yourself. And, the mind happens to be particularly good at that.

That's why focusing more on physical change is always key, to make sure that you're being self-honest. That the change is real. I've just never really done that lol. I've more hidden myself away in the mind. Hiding my own awareness from me, just so that I could continue participating in certain desires while deluding myself that "I'm changing".

I mean at the end of the day the only one you're fooling is yourself. And it's only so long that you can play that game with yourself before you realize you've just been wasting all this time running in circles cause you basically refused to give up on certain desires. I mean, why not just be direct and honest with yourself about who you are and what you're doing. Do you want to give up on these desires, yes or no? Why make it more difficult for yourself by saying 'yeah I want to change' when in reality you're not actually doing what it takes to in fact change?

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Directed, Influenced and Defined by Desires

This is a continuation of my previous post "To Earn your Freedom"

There's actually quite a few 'desires' that I've been 'serving' as my 'masters'. Things I haven't really been honest about with myself. Desires that have just become 'part of me' and so I haven't been questioning them. Only now I'm starting to actually see that yes in fact I have been giving my power away to these desires and I haven't been 'standing' as a self-directed individual.

And with looking at the extent to which I've defined myself in those desires, it's actually looking like quite a challenge when I think about transcending them. So, just like I realized in my previous post, all I can do at this point is humble myself before the desires and at least just be honest with myself that yes I have become a slave to them. And no, I am not in fact real, as I am directed, influenced and defined by desires.

And, within being honest about it, get myself out of the point of laziness as I'm now having to 'become equal to my master' and so put the work and effort in that's required. Cause when you're at a point of self-honesty, you kind of have no choice but to push through and change. It's easy to not change things about yourself when you're not aware of them. But once you become aware, there's no going back. There is a responsibility that comes with seeing and being aware.

So now the process becomes, how to transcend and change a desire? The first step in that would be to pinpoint all the habits that support and sustain the desire. And then change those.