The point, or one of the points, I've been working with and that comes up from time to time, is a discomfort in my lower abdomen, a cramping and tightening in that area. So anytime this sensation comes up I will have a look in the moment at the thoughts/backchat/emotions/personality designs I've been accessing to cause the physical experience. Sometimes if it's not immediately clear to me I will use my QCK procedure and tools to find the relevant points. When it came up earlier today as I was driving on my way to work I saw it being related to having, experiencing and going into a sense of failure. Thoughts and beliefs I've been having in the back of my mind of 'failing my family' and 'failing my child' because I can't be with her anymore as much as I'd like to since I had to start working again recently.
Here I'm dealing with suppressed experiences and thoughts since on a surface level I am "fine" or rather I feel quite alright and unbothered mentally/emotionally as I go about my day or in this case specifically as I'm driving on my way to work. In fact, I've been experiencing myself, on a conscious level, more positively with regards to going to work - as in, feeling a sense of purpose, motivation, validation, drive and recognition as I am rejoining the workforce, learning new things, making new connections and relationships and getting feedback on my performances. But, as my body is clearly showing, there's more going on. In fact, digging and going a bit deeper, there's mostly deeply emotional issues and problems running in the background. Where I feel, dare I say, quite the opposite of whatever positive experiences I've been having around going back to work. And the body's basically saying with the internal organ pains, "Oi, look at what the emotions you're suppressing are doing to you. You need to get honest with this stuff in terms of how you're really feeling and what you're actually going through. Don't just stuff it away and ignore it just because maybe you feel powerless or aren't seeing solutions to your problems."
So for me, the sense of failure is an emotional issue that tends to affect me and that I tend to suppress, exactly because I've never seen a solution and have never known how to handle and direct it effectively - so I suppress it and unfortunately then turn it into a much bigger issue through how these suppressed emotions affect the inner organs. So now in these moments when the physical pains come up, this means I'm having to reverse engineer to get to what is actually going on and change. This through for instance understanding and investigating, using the physical point as cross-reference and feedback, everything that's going on in my mind specifically related to this 'feeling a sense of failure' point.
This was one of those instances where I didn't immediately clearly see anything and so used QCK to support me, which lead me to recognize a deep emotional sadness/despair along with beliefs that I am failing my family/child by being at work instead of at home. Not just that, but furthermore this is connected with an entire personality design(as in an energetic state and way of thinking that I have become throughout my life) of feeling disappointed with myself and perceiving myself to be a disappointment, as well as a failure to grasp how to properly live the word "care". Meaning, how to not live this word based on emotions and feelings but live it on a physical level in terms of everyday and moment-to-moment actions. Which actions are in place in other words for me to live care - care for myself and others. So, my emotionally charged relationship with the word care is also affecting my inner organs and in particular this area where I get cramps sometimes in my lower abdomen.
Care is about being proactive, giving yourself what you need when you need it - responding to yourself, your 'impulses' so to speak, your sensitivities, as in your needs, your body's needs, when you need it. Because you care, which means you're not going to wait or go and think about it first or go into fear/doubts/thoughts about what needs to be done. It's being assertive about taking action and doing the things that make sense in providing support and providing for needs. In my case I have a lot of thoughts/reasons/justifications as to why I can't properly take care of myself, and as a consequence, others. Thoughts about other people for instance, placing others before myself, feelings, desires, etcetera - are all my "reasons" why I'm not just doing what needs to be done basically in terms of living the word care. All the ways in which I'm failing myself as I'm not properly caring and providing for myself. So it looks like this physical point is very much about living the word care if I want to correct it.
To be continued...
