This blog post is kind of in response to, or to add to, some discussion that’s opened up recently involving essentially ‘the words of Bernard Poolman’ and how there is such a trap of how his words can be used as a sort of gospel, where they are basically not questioned or verified according to one’s own living and experience but more used in the context of, ‘well he said that so it must be how it is’.
And I feel called upon to share my perspective because this is a trap I myself have fallen into to be sure. And in a way, from my perspective, given the way us humans are programmed on a mind-level, it’s very unlikely for any person to not fall into this trap, unless you’ve already prepared yourself throughout your lifetime to have a very strong sense of who you are when it comes to information, authority, the world system and your environment in general. I personally have not had that background. I’ve been extremely susceptible to influence, suggestion, instruction and just overall brainwashing lol, and it’s taken me years of walking my process to even arrive at this realization.
I’d even say that much of my process has been about taking the things Bernard has said to me or statements he’s made in general, which I’ve been using as guidelines on ‘how to properly walk my process’, and finding out who I actually am within it. Learning how to be my own person and see things through my own eyes. Learning how to not religiously follow beliefs/statements/ideas, but becoming my own tool or means of assessment and discernment of what’s actually real.
There’s been a few things that stood out for me in terms of what he’s told me which, looking back on it now, actually just ended up creating more confusion and conflict in me than anything. A prime example is when on one occasion he said to me, “you just need to accept yourself”, but then in another instance told me that “you’ll be rejected by life if you dishonor yourself” lol. I just think that’s particularly funny, reading that again, because that one did such a number on my brain that I often think that probably if he had just not said anything to me I would have had a better shot of figuring this stuff out on my own sooner. Or rather, what he said in a way only pushed me, through the conflict it created in me, to realize that what he said doesn’t actually matter. Whether that was intentional from his side or not, I’ll never be able to verify, and in a way I’m thankful for the conflict because yes it did and still does continue to just push me to that point of saying, “you know what, fuck this lol. Screw following this information and trying to live by it and trying to be good and do the right thing. I’m here and I define me, not this stuff that I’ve been holding on to in my head cause it’s what I’ve been told at some point or another.”
Because at the end of the day I’ve found that what matters is just that I live and apply the tools, that I learn to trust myself and through testing and trying things out, learn for myself what life is all about. I have to admit that I had such a ‘religion-oriented’ mind-set that I automatically created a doctrine out of things that were said. I wasn’t even aware that I was doing it, and I have never consciously been ‘religious’. This is just unconscious mind preprogramming related to cultural/genetic history having unconscious influences in the way that I was brought up as well. I mean, no one can show you this stuff, in terms of how your mind picks things up and interprets information according to unconscious structures that have formed and I also don’t yet see all of it. But what I do see is from what I’ve been able to realize for myself, not because of what I’ve been told.
That’s just my personal experience when it comes to ‘the things Bernard Poolman said’ and how I’ve realized that, like with anything, it must be questioned and referenced to your own self-developed understanding of things and shouldn’t be used as a gospel to live by. The message has always been clear: sort yourself out by walking your process, using the tools, become your own master and leader and you’ll see for yourself what’s real and what’s not.
Cool
ReplyDelete