This is a continuation of my previous post "Tourettes"
There’s this pain in my side, on the left side of my abdomen,
that’s come up today. And I thought I'd also just share here how I work with pains in my body to find the related mind-point. Looking into it, with gauging the intensity/location of
it, it’s quite a superficial pain so not penetrating into the depths of the
organ there, so its not necessarily a ‘deep’ issue. But it is in my ‘internal
organs’ area so indicating that it is part of sort of ‘who I am’ inside. My
definition of myself. So something that’s ‘mildly’ paining my existence of ‘who
I am’ lol. And when I pressed the point what came up was something I’d been
looking at earlier actually. This belief I’ve always had of myself as being ‘different’.
Something that’s always made me feel kind of ‘sad’ and ‘defeated’/’deflated’
within myself. Which was also the sensation/inner experience that came up
within me when pressing the point on my body. One major point that’s always
been sort of on the forefront of myself, has been this desire to ‘relate’ to
other people. Yet, at the same time always coming back to the point of not
being able to shake the perception and experience that there’s just ‘something’
that’s ‘different’ about me. That for whatever reason, I seem to be unable to
connect with and relate to other people in the way that people seem to
generally relate and connect with each other.
I would talk about how I experience myself and how I see
things with people, to try and understand or try and figure out what is going
on. To try and get to the bottom of what it is and why my experience of myself
in this world always seemed just ‘different’. Just in how my mind operated and
the things that were in my conscious mind awareness. It’s like, in a way I was
like everybody else, but at the same time I wasn’t, in some substantial kind of
way.
Not just in how I experienced myself, but also just my
general expression. How I respond to things. My ‘social behavior’. And the way
my mind processes things. It was always a little ‘off’ lol. Just that little
bit ‘different’. Just that little bit ‘shifted’ from what’s ‘normal’. But even
just that ‘little bit’ of difference, made all the difference lol. It’s made me
go, “WTF is going on here!” for much of my life. And I’m sure it’s what
ultimately pushed me to start walking my process with Desteni, to just try and
get to the bottom of WTF is going on so I could stop feeling so ‘out of place’
and ‘weird’ and ‘shifted’ all the time. So I could finally answer that question
mark that has haunted me and get some sense of stability within myself in terms
of just knowing who I am.
So anyways lol, this pain in my abdomen was essentially
showing me that I am still busy ‘defining’ myself according to this belief of ‘I
am different’, connected with emotional experiences of separation,
disconnection, sadness and aloneness. I had already walked some
self-forgiveness and had supported myself to come to a realization that pretty
much the reason why I’ve always felt so ‘different’, so separated, disconnected,
out of place, left out and alone was primarily because I just never had an
understanding of things. Not understanding why my mind is the way it is and
what the mind is to begin with. Not understanding or seeing how the mind exists
and that what made me ‘different’ was more a consequence of certain things that
happened in the development of my mind and the integration between my mind,
being and body that took place even in the womb.
I’m not ACTUALLY ‘different’. In terms of the mind and how
it’s structured and operates, sure, just like with human beings who suffer from
mental illnesses, I’m ‘different’. But at the end of the day I am a being, who
has been programmed within a mind consciousness system here on earth. And who
now must walk their process of self-responsibility. Of figuring it all out for
myself. And because of my ‘unique’ and ‘different’ mind my process may be a
little different as well. But I mean, the mind is the mind. The system and
structure and the building blocks of it is exactly the same in everybody.
Sometimes things just happen within a beings life that cause some form of ‘trauma’
to the mind and that create these sort of ‘shifts’ where the mind just develops
a little differently than normal. It’s just ‘tough luck’, cause you still need
to walk your process with and through your mind the way that it is. At the end
of the day it’s what you’ve accepted and allowed so it’s now yours to take
responsibility for.
For support with body-pains and with identifying the related mind-points, find me on Space of Grace where I do QCK sessions.
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