The Power of FORGIVENESS

This is a continuation of my previous blog "The Harm and Damage Energy does to the Body"

It’s hard to believe that after over ten years of walking with desteni and applying self-forgiveness DAILY, that I’m only now really starting to understand what the word ‘forgiveness’ actually means lol. I mean of course I did look at the word before and tried to define it, but only now did I REAL-EYES what the word is as a LIVING WORD.

And it started with me noticing and recognizing this tendency I have to believe that I am ‘doomed’. Like, something will come up, or I will face something about myself that I hadn’t realized before. And for a moment I’m like ‘omg I’m so evil for doing this or being this way’. Which, yeah, fair enough, it’s true. I AM or HAVE BEEN ‘evil’, because, the mind is simply evil.  Everything about our human existence is ‘evil’, so yeah, when I start getting honest with myself, I’m gonna see some shit.

But I noticed that in the back of my mind, there is also a lot of resistance and reluctance to seeing the ‘shit’. Even though there’s a commitment to be as self-honest as I can be, there’s always at the same time been this strong resistance to really SEE the reality of myself. Because there’s this belief that I am effectively ‘damned’. That, in other words I do not have the ability to simply ‘change’, but that rather I am defined by whatever I am seeing and realizing. And that, when I see something ‘evil’ about myself, that means I AM evil.

So when I saw this point of ‘damnation’ within my mind I was like, ‘wait a minute, where’s my forgiveness??’ Why is it that even with all those years of applying and walking self-forgiveness, there’s still this belief within me that when it comes to the ‘evil’ inside me I can’t simply see it, realize it, forgive it and change? That somehow I must fear it because apparently I am ‘doomed’??

Which made me realize that clearly it’s within how I have and still actually am DEFINING the word ‘forgiveness’. Defining it as something that I cannot truly in fact give to myself. Something that I must strive to, and prove myself worthy of. Where, I must first prove that I am ‘good’ in order to ‘deserve forgiveness’. Lol, which is just crazy actually. I’ve defined ‘forgiveness’ in and as the religious construct in the mind. In terms of it being something that exists sort of in the ‘spirit realm’. Something that isn’t just HERE, directly accessible to me, but exists in some alternate dimension which I cannot actually get to.

It’s the accepted conditioning of the word as connected with the story of Jesus and the Bible and God and all that. All STORIES which really have nothing to do with actual practical reality. With what’s HERE. It’s more in the principle of ‘after you die’. Things like ‘forgiveness’ or ‘heaven’ or unconditional acceptance and love and absolution, will only be available to you after you die – and even there it’s a ‘maybe’. Cause again, it’s just stories that have nothing to do with REALITY.

The living word FORGIVENESS is actually simply about recognizing and realizing my power, ability and authority to GIVE myself all the things I’ve always wanted, through for instance living words. All those things that’s been defined in and as the religious construct – ‘heaven’, ‘unconditional love’, ‘acceptance’, ‘forgiveness’, ‘absolution’, ‘grace’, etcetera. All things that are of ‘Godliness’. So no wonder Jesus, along with forgiveness, have become defined in and as the religious construct, so that human beings would never recognize and realize the actual POWER of forgiveness, but would simply accept that it’s something ‘inaccessible’ for us ‘mere mortals’. Accepting our total disempowerment to create and give ourselves everything that we’ve always truly wanted on a beingness level. To truly stand as God and Creator.

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I Don't Want to See!

This is a continuation of my previous post "Get Out of your Head!"

In a way I’ve always been very aware that there’s a lot more to me than just this world and reality. Aware of my ‘self-honesty’ in a way. That really, I am an existential being who has been existing in an illusion and has lost themselves. And that all this ‘programming’ – all the things I perceive, believe, experience, think, etcetera, is not actually real. And that the reality of who I am may not necessarily be something I’d like to see.

But instead of confronting and facing this awareness and embracing my self-honesty, I chose to do my best to lose myself into the illusion. Even though I did know deep down that it’s really all not real. I figured that whatever is there for me to face if I embraced my self-honesty, is probably not something I’d like to face and might be painful, so I made the decision that I just don’t want to see any of it. That no matter what, I’m going to lose myself in this illusion and choose to be ‘blind’ to the awareness inside of myself.

And that decision has always been so solid that it’s taken me ten or more years to get me to this simple point of simply facing what’s been there all along and what I’ve known I had to face all along. I mean yes throughout those ten years, with having walked my ‘process’ I’ve developed myself more. I’ve developed common sense, and principles and understanding. But yeah at the end of the day in terms of sort of really standing in and as the point of self-honesty all I needed to do was just be real with myself and stop hiding behind fear of what I might ‘see’ if I looked inside of me.

But then part of that fear was also due to programming. The programming of judgment as in the belief that whatever I might face inside of me would or could be ‘bad’. And that obviously if I did face it, I would feel really ‘bad’. Because I mean the programming of ‘judgment’ can be kind of scary. The programming of judgment is what decides whether you go to ‘heaven’ or ‘hell’.

It’s where you stand in front of ‘God’ or whatever decides those kind of things, and depending on the things you did, you get ‘judged’ worthy or unworthy of heaven. And if you’re judged unworthy, well, to hell with you then. So I mean, that’s some scary shit. So the fear of facing myself was more like the fear of being ‘doomed’. Fear of ‘damnation’, because of ‘the things I did’. Not realizing that the whole idea of ‘damnation’ is just programming. Well, I mean I suppose damnation can be a real thing. Like within living that decision of ‘I will never face myself!’, I’m effectively dooming myself.

Cause damnation is the absence of forgiveness. It’s the idea that ‘you are DEFINED by your mistakes!’. That there’s no such thing as self-development, self-realization or self-change. I mean what a great method and tool of suppression though. To have beings never realize their potential for self-creation, which includes learning from your mistakes and changing your flaws or weaknesses into strengths. To have them always existing in fear of being judged for every little ‘mistake’ and so suppress themselves to try and avoid that judgment and the apparent 'hell' that comes with it. My hat off to you Anu. You got me good.


www.desteni.org
www.desteniiprocess.com