Get Out of your Head!

this is a continuation of my previous post "The Imprisoned Self-Awareness"

The act of 'thinking'  can give a sense of security. Like oh you're thinking, you must be considering many things and taking much into account, thus apparently creating a 'security' for yourself. The security of 'I've though of everything!' Without thoughts, it's like you're naked. It's just you in the moment and nothing else.

And because thoughts is like this voice in your head, or like something systemic, like a machine, it certainly feels and seems as though it's in some way 'trustworthy'. Like it will 'pull you through' and 'guide the way'. Like a map that knows how to navigate the roads of the world.

But, what are thoughts really? Ideally I suppose, sure, they should be like a map. Something you can 'consult' or use to put things in a certain structure, like creating a map where you bring a bunch of information together and hold it there within a containment so you can look at it all.

But I'm starting to realize that how thoughts exist currently, or rather how I've accepted them to exist within me, is definitely NOT in a way that's supportive or 'guiding' or even useful. If anything, the way that my thoughts exist is more like a reflection of the directionlessness and lostness and 'chaos' of the 'inner me'. Where, sure, I'm thinking about things, and that machine of thoughts is always turning, but it's not in any way 'organized' and it certainly does not give me oversight, like a map would, of anything.

It's actually more like, because my starting point as the 'inner me' is not stable and is more like 'all over the place', my thoughts will also be 'unstable' and 'all over the place'. And so will at the end of the day only contribute to the problem and make it worse, rather than actually give me stability and structure.

So I suppose my mistake was always to place my thoughts first, before myself, and say "lead the way!". Rather than realizing that thoughts are just a tool and that it's me who needs to 'lead the way'. I need to live stability and structure and direction as myself first, and then I may be able to use thoughts to look at points. But I can never think that thoughts have any power or ability in and of themselves. If anything, thoughts will more just mold and shape themselves around and according to the direction that I give myself internally and will thus simply be a reflection of who I am inside.