Who are you Doing it For?

This is a continuation of my previous post "I'm just a Player in the Game"

Or rather, 'what' are you doing it for? But, you'll use specific people in your reality to 'conceal' the 'what'. 'What' am I doing it for, means what is the energy I am actually chasing. The energy that is actually motivating my 'actions'.

Because, until your actions are purely based on 'principles', they're motivated by energy as feelings and emotions. And so they cannot yet be 'trusted', since essentially you're only doing it because you 'feel like it'. Which is fine. Just, get to know the 'point' as your 'what' are you doing it for.

Are you doing it to prove something to someone? Are you looking for recognition? For acceptance? Fame? Glory? Or do you 'just want to fit in'? It's important to ask about 'why' you're really doing something. About the 'what' that you really 'want'. Cause there's always going to be a point of 'self-interest'. ALWAYS. And if you're not seeing it, that just means you're hiding it.


I mean I've found that to be my sort of 'downfall'. When I start doing things 'for' other people. Like when there's thoughts seeping into my mind about 'what are people going to think' or 'whats this or that person going to think'. It just sort of makes me 'lose my footing' in a way. It starts changing and altering my expression. Because now the motivation isn't just 'me' but it's this 'thing'. And 'it' starts driving me . And it's like I can sense that something is 'off', but I can't quite put my finger on, or I'm having a hard time sort of getting back to 'me'. To what's 'natural'.

So it's been quite important for me to ask myself these questions of who am I actually doing it for and what is it that I'm looking for here. To really push that point of self-honesty. Cause I mean it just sucks when you're 'not being yourself'. It just sucks all around lol. Cause it's like you know it, but you kind of feel trapped in this whole sort of 'system' inside of you. Where you kind of feel like the little ball in a pinball machine. Not really knowing where 'you' really are in all of it. And you know it should be so easy to just 'let go' of it, but you just don't know where to start.

But at the end it comes down to, 'do you trust yourself?' Are you 'here' with yourself? Or are you looking towards other people for reassurance? And with 'self-trust' it's really just like, you just gotta at some point trust yourself lol. Self-trust isn't something you necessarily have to work hard to develop or create. You need to just sort of decide to 'just do it'. To sort of just 'stand' within all the things that you do and just sort of be 'here', and stop the 'doubt'.

To Transcend the Mind you have to Walk Through it

This is a continuation of my previous post "To be Responsible is to ACT"

Even when you don't know whether you're 'wrong' or 'right', you have to just 'trust yourself'. I've been going through a bit of 'darkness' lately, basically because I wasn't 'trusting myself'. I was existing in 'doubt' of 'who I am'. And 'doubt' is like this place of 'limbo' in between 'good' and 'evil'. Am I good, or am I evil?!

I mean basically, when you exist in 'doubt', then you CREATE 'good' and 'evil'. So I was seeing all this 'evil' existing inside of me, and I figured I owed it to myself - to my self-honesty - to embrace all of it. To 'walk through it' instead of just suppressing it, which is what had been doing all my life.

And it turns out that it was only by walking through the 'darkness' and embracing all the 'evil', that I learned to trust myself, only to then realize that none of it was actually 'real'. But, it was 'real enough' for me since I had actually created it as an 'alternate reality' within my mind. So, since I had created it, I had to face it.

So if you 'doubt' who you are, then guess what? You get to walk through the 'hell' you've created as you were 'hoping' to be deserving of 'heaven'. Because, there is no 'hope'. Hope is fear, and fear is hell. So if you 'hope', you're going to 'hell' lol.

Self-trust only 'emerged' for me when I went, "alright, I guess I'm evil then", and gave up on 'hope'. When I embraced my deepest, darkest fear. My self-created 'hell'. So unfortunately, I realized, you can't 'transcend' the mind without walking 'through' it. Can't realize that it isn't 'real' without facing all the things you've believed and accepted to be 'real'.