Do you CARE?

 

This is a continuation of my previous post "I'd like to go back now please"

A point that I've been looking at recently, is to 'place myself first'. From the perspective that, I've realized that although I have always put my focus on who and how I am in relation to my environment, I need to actually be focusing on who and how I am in relation to myself. I never realized that, while I can be the sweetest, most gentle, understanding, supportive and careful person in relation to everybody around me, I am actually the meanest, most spiteful, nasty and hateful person in relation to myself. In terms of the thoughts and the energies and reactions that I allow and do onto myself is just awful, and it's all of the things that I would never allow myself to do onto anyone else.

Because I always believed that, as long as I am good to others, it really doesn't matter how I treat myself inside. Kind of thinking 'it's just me anyways, what does it matter'. Thinking/believing that I don't matter, that I come last and that all of my nastiness and spitefulness and hatefulness I can just take out on myself, where it apparently 'doesn't matter'. So I've come to realize that my process of proving myself to be 'worthy of life', is not in relation to others, but in relation to myself. My challenge is in relation to myself, which is what I've extensively taken for granted and neglected and abused throughout my life. I'm fine in relation to others lol, it's in relation to myself that I need to prove that I can be a 'decent' person. That I can be all the things that I am always trying so hard to be to everyone else. 

And so, this ushered in my process of 'placing myself first', of making a commitment with myself, and learning to prove to myself that I stand as what's best for all of life, as ME. But with that, an interesting point has come up. The point of 'care'. As in the belief that, if I'm going to be placing all my focus and attention on 'me' and am going to 'place myself first', that I will be 'selfish' and that it means that 'I don't care about anyone else'. So that's been a point of conflict that's come up within me. Of 'oh no, I don't want to be selfish!' I wouldn't want people to think that I don't care!

So I've had to ask myself - or realize - 'what is care really?' And what does it really mean to care? Cause when I am 'placing myself first', I'm not just placing 'me' in separation of everyone else first. I am placing 'life as me' first. So that means that what I am placing first, is the life that is within me and equally as one within everybody else. The 'life' that is at the core of each and every one. The life that, when it comes to human beings, is layered within the mind. Where we as humans may for instance believe that we 'care' because we participate within particular feeling/thought/emotional/behavioral constructs, yet actually if we really had a look, when it comes to 'life on earth in oneness and equality' we don't actually care. We don't actually do anything. We don't actually discuss solutions. We don't actually take action to bring about a world that is best for all. To bring about world change. 

So it's interesting, that that belief or perception exists, that to participate within thought/feeling/emotional/behavioral constructs and to 'be just like everybody else' means that I care - because I am apparently placing all of my focus on everybody around me and so apparently 'not being selfish'. Yet reality is actually in reverse, because at the end of the day if I have a look at my actions, I am not actually actively bringing about a world that is best for all, and so I don't actually care. Because if I really cared about life on earth, about the life within the 'life-forms' around me, then I would be taking action in every moment to address the MASSIVE problems we are facing in this world. I would NOT be 'like everybody else'. Because, 'everybody else' - or rather 'nobody else' - is actually talking about those problems. Nobody else seems to be taking anything seriously in terms of what's happening in this world and reality. 

Nobody else, or should I say me lol, within how I've always used to define the word 'care' - to only exist in the context of separation. In the context of only my family and my loved ones and close ones and immediate environment. As though I'm not entirely part of existence. Part of this world and part of life as a whole. Where care is more a construct of thoughts/feelings/emotions/behavior. More a sort of façade and something I BELIEVE I'm doing, yet am not ACTUALLY doing.

So to 'focus on me' and 'place myself first' - is more actually to focus on 'all of life' within and as me. To not be 'distracted' with just my immediate 'personal' environment. But to always place 'all of life' within me, within and as the point of 'oneness' - wherein yes I stand 'alone', as in 'all-one'. And yes I am 'selfish' but in the context of 'my-self-as-life' so it's a good kind of selfishness. It is a selfishness that's based within real CARE. 

And yes it certainly seems to be the exact reverse of what I always believed 'care' to be - in terms of ONLY being distracted by the people in my immediate environment, as MY family, MY friends and MY self, and sort of ruling out the rest of the world. And so it's the opposite of what I've basically learned throughout my life to believe is 'right'. Yet at the same time it is common sense and there is no denying that. It is just absolutely weird that it seems so far removed from the sort of 'human way of existing'. It is 'weird', yet it is the only thing that makes sense. Weird indeed.

The Pain of Living

This is a continuation of my previous post "Just Stop Trying Already"

I went to the doctor to have some moles checked out today. And sitting/lying there as he is giving me needles with anesthesia, I suddenly became ‘painfully’ aware of how ‘pain’ is such a gruesome, yet everyday part of our reality.  And how some people go through unspeakable pains and physical suffering, due to getting sick in some way. And how I probably at some point as well will have to face unimaginable physical suffering. I mean I can only ‘imagine’ what death must feel like when all your organs are shutting down and you feel the life leave your body.

That kind of pain is something that I have been fortunate enough to have sort of been sheltered from throughout my life so far. But it’s certainly PAIN which brings the awareness into the body and in a not-so-nice way forces you to see what is REAL. When you are in physical PAIN, suddenly all your fears and anxieties and all your thoughts and emotional states magically fall away. Suddenly all of that becomes entirely irrelevant. Because it is. None of that has anything to do with actual reality whatsoever.

You become aware that you are just a physical being and that all that matters is the physical body and whether it is taken care of. And PAIN shows that we don’t actually take care of the physical reality. PAIN is a consequence of the fact that we, as humanity, have always placed the physical body’s importance inferior to for example our mind. Our emotions and feelings and our fears and thoughts and whatever it is that occupies our mind. Whatever it is we BELIEVE to be of the utmost importance. Until PAIN comes along and shows us BEYOND a doubt that it is not.

We could be living forever. We could have found the antidote for pain. We could be existing without physical suffering of any form in this world. But our priorities always lay elsewhere. We rather used and abused the physical body, and this physical reality, for the sake of our MIND. For the sake of getting to experience whatever made us feel important and special in our MIND. And then we have pain, and illness and disease, and death – to remind us that at the end of the day, who we believe we are and what we believe to be real in our mind is not what matters. It never mattered. But now it is too late.

Now we have to face and deal with pain. Each and every single one of us. I will face it. And you will face it. It is our consequence, for having taken this physical existence for granted. We’ve only created more and more and more pain and suffering, instead of finding ways to make it less and ensure that life on earth is as little suffering as possible.

And we thought we could get away with it. With, oh maybe if we just direct all the suffering to some people, so that a select few can experience relative comfort with less suffering. Where some people in this world will suffer in unspeakable ways, and nobody cares, while others live in comfort and luxury and have enough money to have their physical body taken care of. But at the end of the day we face the same reality. One wherein every physical system has been greatly neglected and taken to it’s worst, most inferior possible form. So at the end of the day we all suffer, because we did not consider equality. And we did not consider what is best for all. Or what even fucking makes sense.

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FEAR of the Homeless

This is a continuation of my previous post "Redefining Nothingness"

You know, for the longest time I've had a very 'distorted' relationship when it comes to 'homeless people'. In terms of how I react and experience myself and then behave myself whenever someone who looks like they're probably homeless comes up to me to ask for some change. 'Distorted' as in it actually really shows me just the extent to which I have come to separate myself from life in this world, from another as myself.

And to an extent yes I was just living out a programming that I copied from my parents and family, but then that's also part of the problem -- how the 'family' construct creates and contributes to the 'famine' in this world as those who have nothing, through how these preprogrammed reactions to 'homeless people' are conditioned from parents to children.

Preprogrammed reactions like FEAR. Fear of ending up like this person. Fear that they might want to take something from me. Fear that they might take advantage of my 'kind and giving nature'. Fear that they might be a criminal. Fear that I cannot trust them. Fear that they might rob me, or worse.

And then with the fear, also come the BELIEFS. All the copied and accepted and allowed knowledge and information in relation to 'how you should deal with these situations' as well as to justify the fear. As your self-protection and -defense mechanisms to shield you from your fears and effectively 'ward off' and 'deflect' the 'harm' which your fear is projecting on this 'homeless person'.

Beliefs like 'they're just addicts' or 'they're just lazy'. 'You shouldn't give them anything because they'll just spend it on drugs' and 'they just don't want to work', or 'they just don't want to contribute to society'. Wherein you just create this 'they vs me' mentality of 'they, they, they'. And you forget or just don't see and realize and recognize them as actual living beings. Equal with yourself.

There's just zero recognition there of 'this is me in another life'. Not a shred of recognition of yourself in another, because the way that you perceive reality is filtered through all this separation as all these beliefs and reactions. You don't see direct. You don't see with your own actual eyes. You don't trust yourself to see. You just trust what your parents and society told you to see. And so you don't see YOU.

You don't see that if you were to for a moment let go of the beliefs and the reactions and just placed the person inside yourself, and placed yourself in their shoes, you might find yourself there. And you might actually start CARING. A care that is real because it's based on the realization of another as you. A realization that what another is going through, you are going through. Or, another version of you is going through. And all it takes is the willingness to trust yourself, with how YOU honestly see things.



I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to recognize myself in and as homeless people and to see them as me in another life -- by simply never having placed them inside of me to connect with who they actually are inside rather than just reacting to the image that I see with my eyes in a preprogrammed way, with beliefs and thoughts and perceptions and interpretations and reactions that I copied from my parents, wherein I've learned to simply not directly SEE reality and not SEE what's actually REAL, just like my parents never saw what was real -- but were also completely preprogrammed mind consciousness system robots who perceived reality through the eyes of BELIEFS as they also never trusted themselves to see reality as it actually is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to see reality directly - and to place my trust on BELIEFS as knowledge and information copied from parents and family and society, with regards to for instance 'homeless people', and to therein not see reality as myself as I dont see reality through my actual eyes but more through the eyes of preprogramming in and as the mind consciousness system, and so also not recognize myself within another but more remain stuck within perceptions as knowledge and information in the mind, reducing others and so myself  to just a thought and a reaction, and justifying manifested separation as the neglect and lack of CARE for others as me as manifested within and as a system of inequality - of the haves and the have nots

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed homelessness to exist in and as reality simply because I never recognized myself within another and never valued and cared for the life within another as equal with myself -- and so allowed another to starve and suffer in the position of the 'beggar', as I did not see or realize that this is me starving and suffering as this is me in another life

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that if anything, those who are in that position of being 'homeless' and 'beggars', and are at the 'negative' polarity of the system - are actually closer to the 'real me' as life, as they simply overall are in fact those who simply lacked the skill or the willingness to deceive and harm and so were therefore not 'fit' to participate in a system that is based on this willingness to deceive and harm and most of all be deliberately ignorant -- and that it's in fact those who are in a position of wealth who have simply more so accepted deception and dishonesty and have more agreed to the participation in this system which forces you to either deceive and be deliberately ignorant and allow harm to be done onto another in your name or forces you into a position of extreme lack and neglect, wherein then those who are the MOST deceptive and the MOST willing to harm others and ignore the principle of oneness and equality will also be able to reach greater positions of power and money

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that in fact, if you are in a position of comfort and wealth in this world, and you are NOT actively working on creating a better world for ALL, wherein there exist no such thing as homelessness or famine or suffering - a world wherein ALL  can have what you are enjoying in your life through money - and even if you ARE working towards a better world -- the fact that you were born into this particular position of greater wealth -- only shows your greater propensity and willingness to agree to deception and dishonesty and harm done to another in your name, for the sake of separation as self-interest -- and that in fact those that find themselves in positions in this world of greater suffering and lack and neglect, are those who actually are closer to what is REAL and simply could not get themselves to agree to the deception and harm this world system implies

when and as I come across a homeless person or just someone asking me for money that would trigger those preprogrammed fears and  beliefs, then I stop and I breathe, and I see and realize and understand that these reactions just show me the extent to which I have separated myself from life as I cannot see or recognize myself in another and will only perceive another through the eyes of the mind as preprogrammed knowledge and information, which is all geared towards protecting my self-interest

as I see and realize and understand that I have accepted and agreed to a world of inequality, of haves and have nots and have agreed to the deception and harm this implies where I for instance agreed to 'turn a blind eye' when seeing the suffering of another, as in simply being blind to the fact that this person is me in another life and that what I am seeing is me suffering, and have agreed that 'I will be an obedient slave' and I will accept and live according to preprogramming without ever asking questions as long as it means that I can feel safe, and so will accept and allow another to be existing in a position of absolute lack of safety, as the epitome of my fear as that which I would not want for myself

I see and realize and understand that in fact that person who is suffering, who is in the position of 'homelessness' and being a 'beggar' is closer to the 'real me' as life - as they simply could not agree to the extent of deception and harm implied by this world and reality in order to 'thrive' in the system and so 'fell through the cracks' because they were simply 'too sensitive' - as it's those who are most willing to compromise themselves within deceiving and harming others, and most willing to choose to be ignorant and 'turn a blind eye' to the suffering existent in this world, who are able to achieve great wealth in this world, as it takes a certain 'lack of sensitivity' to be able to accept and embrace this world system the way that it is

I see and realize and understand that thus, to not recognize or see myself within the 'homeless person' or the 'beggar' just shows me my lack of sensitivity to life, that I cannot see another as myself -- and shows me the degree to which I have accepted and agreed to be willfully ignorant to the suffering existent in this world for the sake of self-interest and so the extent to which I was willing to accept and agree to deception and harm as what is implied within being able to 'live comfortably' and 'be wealthy' in this world - as I was even born into one of the wealthiest countries in this world and have not known suffering since I was born, and so very easily accepted the programming passed on to me by my parents and family and society, to ignore the suffering in the world, and exist in a bubble, and never ask questions -- all in the name of being able to hold on to my COMFORT

I see and realize and understand that a 'homeless person' and a 'beggar' is me in another life and that I just need to let go of the accepted preprogrammed knowledge and information as perceptions and interpretations and reactions in the mind to what I see with my eyes, in order to SEE that - and in order to actually SEE reality as it is, not how I've been told and programmed to see it

I commit myself to practice seeing others as myself by letting go of any preprogrammed knowledge and information like judgments, perceptions, ideas, beliefs and reactions based on what I see with my eyes, and rather placing the person that I see inside of me - dropping all images and so all separation, and actually stand as them in and as me, assisting and supporting myself to see who they really actually are on an internal level -- and to therein connect with them as me on that real level, and so connect with LIFE within oneness and equality

I commit myself to thus SEE DIRECT, and trust myself within how I see reality with my real actual eyes, rather than placing my trust in other people like parents and family and society who tried to tell me how I should perceive reality through knowledge and information like beliefs -- and so therein connect with life within and as this world as me

Living Safe Haven on all Levels

This is a continuation of my previous post "To Live the Word CARE"

What came through for me in this interview is the point of, when it comes to creating something or ‘specifying’ within something, It’s not a matter of trying to ‘become it’, but more a matter of seeing what of you is already actually living that point and then just adding to what’s already here.

So I thought I would apply that approach to my word Safe Haven. To, rather than seeing it as something I still need to ‘bring here’ and create, instead look at how I might already be living it and then looking at what I can add to that and how I can expand on that.

In a way I can see that I do already live that ‘Safe Haven’ that I would like for myself, in relation to the people and beings around me. In terms of creating and providing that space where people can feel comfortable and know that they won’t be judged. That they have the space to be themselves and express themselves. That they are heard and considered. That they don’t have to feel afraid or anxious or threatened or intimidated or fearful or tense in any way. They are ‘safe’ with me. I will not do ANYTHING to harm them. I will not judge them. I will not react to them. And even if I do judge or react, I will not take it out on them. I will not be mean. I will not be spiteful. I will not get angry. I will not be nasty or bitchy or annoying or overbearing or ‘impose’ anything of myself onto them. I will do everything I can to support them or help them out. I do my best to treat them in a way that is of the utmost consideration and understanding. I try to essentially be as ‘soft’ and as ‘gentle’ and ‘caring’ with those around me as possible.

The thing is, that when it comes to myself however, I’m like the opposite lol. I am not that same ‘safe haven’ that I try to provide and be for others, to myself. So basically, what I’d need to ‘add’ to how I am already living this word, is ‘myself’ and so just also live it in relation to myself. Live it in all areas and all dimensions of ‘reality’ – internally as well as externally. So that I can truly BE the living word SAFE HAVEN, as a living statement of WHO I AM.

Cause it’s interesting that it’s almost as though I’ve been living the word safe haven as a polarity. Kind of believing that, well if I’m going to be gentle and soft and caring and considerate and understanding on the outside, then I have to be harsh and hard and uncaring and inconsiderate and judgmental on the inside. To ‘compensate’. As if I can’t just BE and LIVE  that ‘safe haven’ completely and entirely. No, there has to be the ‘negative’ to that ‘positive’. And so if I’m going to be the ‘positive’ in relation to others, well then I will just have to take the ‘negative’ out on myself.

So, I have already been living my living word safe haven, just in a way that’s polarized. And so have accepted and allowed the mind to take my beingness potential as the living of this word, and channel it into a polarity to generate energy, causing me to at the end of the day not truly LIVE the word  in awareness as a self-directed action. As I still allow things that are in fact the OPPOSITE of ‘safety’ or a ‘safe haven’ within myself. Doesn’t matter if it’s ‘just in relation to myself’. If I accept and allow things like judgment or anger or punishment to exist, in any way and on any level whatsoever, then ‘safety’ cannot exist.

So from this perspective, I need to stop thinking of my ‘inner self’ as something ‘separate’ from the rest of reality. As if it doesn’t matter what I allow inside of me cause it’s apparently ‘just me’. And I need to start realizing and recognizing that it’s all one and equal. Inner self, outer self, inner reality, outer reality. One and equal. There is no ‘separation’ or ‘differentiation’. Something can only be REAL if and when I live it within and without, on all levels of existence.

To Live the Word CARE

This is a continuation of my previous post "Living my Living Word"

Who am I in and as the word ‘care’?

Care has always been something I looked for from others and felt that I lacked within myself. I always wanted people to prove how much they cared about me and so I often deliberately did things, like hide away or act miserable, just to see if I could get a reaction out of people as apparent ‘proof’ that they care about me.

So care has definitely not been a word that I have lived in my life. In fact, I’ve more lived words like neglect and abandonment. Feeling neglected and abandoned. But, more actually neglecting and abandoning my RESPONSIBILITY to live the word care for and as myself. To actually look into this word and for myself defining what it means to LIVE care.

Cause, clearly how I have defined this word is within and as REACTIONS. Believing that, if somebody reacts to something I do, then it means they care about me. Like, they ‘care enough’ to go into reactions. Rather than ‘not giving a shit’. So care is supposedly a ‘feeling’ that I’m supposed to feel or that people are supposed to feel about me, and if that feeling isn’t there then apparently there isn’t any care.

So I mean obviously this can’t be what real care is about. Cause if anything it just creates ‘neglect’, cause a ‘feeling’ can’t always be there. It can’t be trusted. And also, by looking for a ‘feeling’, I tend to not actually see the points of ‘care’ that are in fact always unconditionally here. I tend to then take that for granted, because it’s not a ‘feeling’.

Like I would say nature, lives the point of care. As in always providing, always being here, always supporting, always giving. Yet expecting nothing in return. And being ‘invisible’ in a way. As in nature isn’t going to be like ‘hey look at all this stuff I’m doing for you guys! Aren’t I the greatest?!’ It just does what’s necessary to be done, ‘behind the scenes’. Taking care of things, so that life can thrive.

I mean, then again, in return nature gets shat on by humanity who take it all for granted and don’t appreciate that unconditional care. So I guess maybe there’s something within how nature lives care that’s also not necessarily ‘best’, since it’s never really supported or rather ‘pushed’ human beings to care for nature in return. Until now, with the corona virus lol. Maybe that’s nature adjusting its definition of care a little bit, showing some ‘tough love’ to human beings and standing up with the words ‘I’ve just about had enough of your shit’.

Because, at the end of the day, that ‘unconditional care’ is cool and all, but it has to also be aligned with what is best for all in oneness and equality. And when one party is giving, giving, giving, without ever expecting anything in return, and the other party is taking, taking, taking without giving anything back – that’s not best for either party.

So perhaps ‘care’ isn’t so much about the point of ‘unconditionally giving’ or even ‘taking care of’ – but more first and foremost about ‘keeping your eye on the prize’, as what’s best for all in oneness and equality. And to then do what’s necessary to be done, as in ‘take care of’ things, in the context of what’s best for all. So no more polarity of ‘unconditionally giving’ vs ‘taking things for granted’. But more looking at what’s actually necessary for us all to come together within the point of oneness and equality. For those who give, give, give, to start standing up for themselves, and those who take, take, take, to start giving back.

So I suppose living ‘care’ is to, ‘behind the scenes’ simply do what is necessary to be done to manifest a reality of what’s best for all in oneness and equality. To thus not simply act out of a ‘feeling’ of apparent ‘care’ where you’re supposed to apparently just ‘give’ to another and disregard and neglect yourself. But to really ask yourself ‘what is really needed here?’ Like what earth and nature are doing right now in relation to humanity. Asking themselves the question of ‘what does the human really need in fact, to get their heads out of their asses and start honoring life on earth?’ Apparently the answer to that was Corona virus.

So, sometimes it’s to ‘unconditionally give’, but sometimes it’s to take something away. Either way, there is ‘unconditional care’ because it’s all in the context of what’s necessary to ultimately bring about a world that’s best for all in oneness and equality.