Whatever you do, DON'T be Benevolent

This is a continuation of my previous post "No more Excuses".

It’s interesting how we actually PREFER limited and diminished versions of ourselves and others, than the actual BEST version. The version that is truly BENEVOLENT. Like Jesus was, basically. The version that does not participate in gossip, or backchat, or nasty thoughts and reactions like anger, spitefulness, resentment, judgment, blame.

In fact, our very ‘social interactions’ tend to be based on the acceptance of ourselves as ‘not benevolent’. The acceptance of our REACTIONS. Have a look at the things that we talk about, and the way that we talk and hold conversations. At our ‘small talk’. The things that we ‘relate to’ in each other. It’s all the things that actually make us ‘less’ than our best selves. All the ways in which we actually compromise ourselves.

I mean, we COULD just not participate in things like gossip, or judgment, or reactions, but can you imagine? Standing in a group of your friends or co-workers and choosing NOT to participate? Choosing NOT to do what everybody else is doing and saying ‘no, this isn’t me’, unapologetically? Not being prompted, influenced or stimulated to play or follow along, but to purely express yourself as who you know you really are.

It’s like there is an unwritten agreement that we will all just ‘follow the program’ and that no one must ever stand as what we’re actually missing out on. No one must ever show us what it is that we’re busy suppressing and neglecting as we’re ‘selling our soul’ to the idea of ‘fitting in’ and ‘survival’. Whatever you do, DON’T be benevolent.

Because, we all do know that it is our ‘best self’. But we’re too deep into that rabbit hole. At this point we don’t want to be reminded at what we left behind. Because we don’t believe that we could forgive ourselves for what we’ve become, and ‘return to innocence’. So let us just be diminished, and believe that this is who we truly are. And if you dare remind us, we will hate you for it. And we will remind you, of your place, with the rest of us.

It’s like we’ve put up sign posts all around. “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” We will tear you down, nail you to a cross, cast you out and annihilate you if you so much as think about not being a player in the game. If you dare ‘stand up’. It will be one against many. And we will show you, that you do not truly stand. That you are weak, and you will fall and give up, just like the rest of us.

When it's Too Late

This is a continuation of my previous post "Life is about Greatness"

You don't want to be at that point of realizing that you've been replaced. It is the greatest, deepest pit of regret and shame you will ever find yourself in. To realize that you were given every opportunity, but you squandered it. Because, you chose to 'fuck around' in the mind. Because there was a point you were just not quite willing to let go of, just yet. Because you thought, "What's the harm in delaying things just a little bit more?"

Because you just did not push yourself hard enough to realize and recognize your own importance and relevance in life and existence. And now it is 'too late'. And there is nothing you can do. You do NOT want to be at the point of 'too late-ness'. To see all the ways you 'could have' and 'should have' been 'if only' you'd pushed yourself more. AND, to see who and how you 'could have been' lived by someone else. Someone who did push themselves. Someone who was more self-honest and principled than you were. Someone who 'stood' where you did not.

All you can do at that point is humble yourself before life and existence and hope that it's not ACTUALLY 'too late'. As in, that there is still a 'chance', a 'purpose' for you. And, I mean, if you can prove that you can 'stand', that you are committed and dedicated - then life will find a new position for you.

I've stood at that point. Of realizing I had been replaced. That my initial 'purpose' had been 'carried over' to someone else. Someone who simply turned out to be more self-honest. And let me tell you, it is quite the wake-up call lol

BUT what I have found is that now at least I 'know where I stand'. And that means that at least I have a 'starting point'. To start walking from 'where I'm at', rather than from where I feel or believe I'm at. And it's a point that 'keeps me real'. A point to remind me not to lose myself in delusions of grandeur, but to stay humble, and walk with my both feet on the ground.