The Potential Me vs the Actual Me

This is a continuation of my previous post "Let me be Bad"

So there's basically a 'potential you', as in the 'best version of you', but then there's also the 'actual you', as just the 'reality' of how you're existing. And it's kind of like you're existing in the middle of these two, deciding in every moment which one you 'really are'.

But I've found that, when you're not entirely clear with yourself about 'where you're at' within it all, it's sort of easy or 'easier' to 'revert' to 'what you're used to' and 'who and how you've always been'. Which is essentially the 'you' in the mind. Cause it's kind of like, you're not entirely clear about the fact that, you do face a 'choice' in every moment. So you kind of just go into 'default mode'.

So it's good to 'clarify' with yourself what exactly your 'potential' is and what your 'default mode' is. So you can 'empower' yourself to be an 'educated voter' lol when it comes to yourself. For instance my 'default mode' is to go into thoughts and energies of comparison, self-glorification, superiority, specialness and self-importance. But I know that my 'potential', as in simply 'what is best' lol but also sort of my 'best self' and who I know I am deep down sort of, is in fact entirely 'self-less'. To in fact have no 'self' but to be very much 'involved' with 'others' and the reality around me. To thus not even 'exist' at all as my 'self' IS 'other beings'. Living more 'externally' than 'internally'. And yet, somehow throughout my life I've ONLY been existing 'internally'.

And this is also the thing, that your default mode is like the complete opposite of your potential. So the more you 'give in' to the 'default', the further you're moving away from your potential, and the more difficult it'll become to move into your potential. But then that's just the way it's been designed. You didn't think realizing yourself would be 'easy', did you? lol

So you want to basically be able to 'tell' when you're clearly just existing 'by default', so it doesn't end up 'going under the radar'. So you don't end up 'slipping' into it, unnoticed. So you want to just get REAL familiar with your 'programming'. Or, I do anyways lol, cause I am just talking to myself mostly here. And I have definitely been noticing just how 'lenient' I have actually been. Sort of just letting things 'fly under the radar' and go 'unchecked'. Things I really should be directing a lot better. Because too many times I do find myself 'lost' within the mind because of the thoughts and energies I believed were 'harmless'. But then having to realize that I did also 'lose' whatever 'potential' I was at some point seeing for and of myself.

So realizing how important it is to clarify for myself exactly what my 'potential' is, so I can effectively 'make my choice' in those moments when I tend to 'lose myself' the most.

Love is Not the Answer

This is a continuation of my previous post "Why DIP is the Bees Knees"

I got so 'hung up' on 'love', because it seemed to me to be the only thing that made 'sense' in this world. To love someone so truly and deeply and genuinely heartfelt, that I would almost literally 'place them in my heart'.

Basically it was this point of seeing how absolutely horrible this reality is. Seeing all the awful and terrible things that we human beings do to each other. All the immense suffering that exists in this world and that humans go through. And so deciding that 'love must be the answer'. After all, it seemed to be the one 'positive' thing that I could see. The one thing I felt could 'make it all alright'. To simply love someone 'with all my heart', and to carry that 'love' in my heart.

Cause I figured there has to be 'something' to sort of make up for the absolute shit-hole I was born into. And so I found this 'feeling' of 'love'. A 'feeling' that seemed to at least 'feel' like a 'glue' that 'connects' people together. And with all the 'disconnection' and separation that I was witnessing within reality, this was the only thing that did 'make sense' to me. At least 'something' that creates 'connection' and 'togetherness'.

But I am realizing now that 'love' is, in fact, NOT the answer. That I've been duped. Or rather, have duped myself. Or that at the VERY least, 'love' needs some serious reassessment. That it should, first of all, mean that I cannot just ignore the reality that is ACTUALLY here. It can't be a point of 'compensation' or 'making up for' or worse, a 'coping mechanism'.

The REALITY is that there is no 'connection' in this world. There is no 'togetherness'. At least not among human beings. In nature, perhaps. Nature 'more or less' has a sort of 'balance' or 'harmony'. A 'unity', that is definitely not a 'lovey dovey' kind of connection, but there is an inherent sense of 'working together' in nature. A sort of understanding of 'we're all in this together' and 'we're all part of the same thing'. That's why nature is 'nature' lol And we are just 'the human being'. That which does not 'fit in' or 'work together' or 'exist alongside with' or 'is equal to' pretty much ANYTHING ELSE.

And, there is no 'love' in nature. Just the point of 'Hey, we're all just here. Together.' And they don't try to 'escape' reality, within positive feelings like 'love'. They ARE reality. So they are just themselves. Just sort of 'here', pretty much 'waiting' until us human beings get 'here'. Until we let go of our illusions like 'love' and just 'get real', and come to grasps with the fact that, yes, reality is SHIT. That's what's here. Don't try to make something 'positive' out of it. Don't try to look for it, it's not there. Just be real and we'll take it from there.

Love is an Addiction

this is a continuation of my previous post "Love makes Blind"

Love is an addiction. Pure and simple. An addiction to a 'feeling'. A feeling that 'takes you away' from 'here'. It is, just like any other addiction, an escape mechanism. A means to escape reality. To not stand with your both feet firmly on the ground, on the same 'level' as reality.

'Love' is like a cloud that you sit on within yourself and that you allow to take you away, as you 'believe' that 'things will just work out by themselves'. You believe that there's some 'magical force' at work within reality. A 'force' called 'love', which is 'greater' than you and everyone and which in a way 'takes care of things'. It's like a 'cradle' that 'protects' us. And you may not 'see' it physically within reality, but you certainly 'feel' that it exists.

And you trust that 'feeling' to such an extent that you believe it's perfectly fine to sort of 'tune out' of reality and sink back inside of yourself. Because, 'surely everything will be fine'. You believe that your world and reality doesn't really NEED your constant, complete presence, awareness and involvement. Because there's this belief that in a way everything is always 'encased' within a 'cradle' of 'love'. Something that 'holds everything together', like glue.

But then that's also why, when things start to 'fall apart', it comes as such a surprise. The feeling, after all, was telling you that 'things will be fine'. When in reality, clearly, things are not 'fine'. In reality, things did in fact need your constant awareness, presence and involvement. Because, YOU were supposed to be that 'glue' that 'holds everything together' and that 'makes everything work out'.

When it's Too Late

This is a continuation of my previous post "Life is about Greatness"

You don't want to be at that point of realizing that you've been replaced. It is the greatest, deepest pit of regret and shame you will ever find yourself in. To realize that you were given every opportunity, but you squandered it. Because, you chose to 'fuck around' in the mind. Because there was a point you were just not quite willing to let go of, just yet. Because you thought, "What's the harm in delaying things just a little bit more?"

Because you just did not push yourself hard enough to realize and recognize your own importance and relevance in life and existence. And now it is 'too late'. And there is nothing you can do. You do NOT want to be at the point of 'too late-ness'. To see all the ways you 'could have' and 'should have' been 'if only' you'd pushed yourself more. AND, to see who and how you 'could have been' lived by someone else. Someone who did push themselves. Someone who was more self-honest and principled than you were. Someone who 'stood' where you did not.

All you can do at that point is humble yourself before life and existence and hope that it's not ACTUALLY 'too late'. As in, that there is still a 'chance', a 'purpose' for you. And, I mean, if you can prove that you can 'stand', that you are committed and dedicated - then life will find a new position for you.

I've stood at that point. Of realizing I had been replaced. That my initial 'purpose' had been 'carried over' to someone else. Someone who simply turned out to be more self-honest. And let me tell you, it is quite the wake-up call lol

BUT what I have found is that now at least I 'know where I stand'. And that means that at least I have a 'starting point'. To start walking from 'where I'm at', rather than from where I feel or believe I'm at. And it's a point that 'keeps me real'. A point to remind me not to lose myself in delusions of grandeur, but to stay humble, and walk with my both feet on the ground.

Forcing yourself to Face what's Here

This post is a continuation of "What I must do as a Human Being on Earth"

These past few posts have been a bit 'hard to swallow' information. Some 'harsh truths' that I myself had been neglecting. And when you realize that you had been living in 'blissful ignorance', those 'harsh truths' feel like a bottomless pit that you have to 'dig out' to really face all the things you had been avoiding.

But with each point I found that, when I first realized it was something I had been avoiding, it seemed like I was staring down a massive black hole that would swallow me up if I dared plunge into it. Then as I forced myself to really face exactly what I had been avoiding to face for so long, it was painful. There was the kind of deep shame and regret that came up which seemed like it would be endless.

But I also found that, I'm still here. It didn't actually 'swallow me whole'. And I'm sure there will be lots more to face and plenty of painful things to realize and go through. At the end of the day all I have is the realization that, "Hey, I'm still here!"

There is a strength in that. To know that you can face reality. That you have the integrity to not look away. That you can stand through the storm no matter how heavy it is. I figure if there is one thing that I can make my 'legacy', if anything at all, then it would at least be this. It would be that I was at least honest enough to face all the shit that's here. That I at least faced and owned up to all the lies that I've been telling myself and that I was at least humble enough to do that small thing.

It may not be a glamorous or pleasant point to walk, but at least it will be real and at least I will have done something real. And if there is anything I can respect myself for, it will be that.