I'd like to go back now please

 

 

 This is a continuation of my previous post "Support"

 I've noticed an interesting point or 'program' come up lately. Alongside this process I've been walking of sort of sinking deeper and deeper into the nitty gritty of reality. The real deal, and really coming to grips with the severity of the issues in existence as myself.

There is this point, as almost this belief that 'oh I could just go back to being completely ignorant and suppressed and blissfully unaware of what's really going on if I wanted to'. Like a 'back-door' or a 'fail-safe' in the mind. As if I have a choice. I mean obviously I do always have a choice, whether to 'face the music' of and as reality, or whether to pretend to be blind and unaware. You do always have the choice to 'go back' and choose the mind and pretend that process isn't real, and all the things you've realized and seen and walked were 'just a dream' in a way. And that what's real is the mind, where things feel cozy and comfortable and there's not a cloud in the sky.

And in a way so far my process has been 'easy'. Walking the conscious mind, the subconscious mind has been 'easy'. But it's with walking the unconscious mind, or the quantum physical, or whatever it is that I've been walking more recently, that things have been more 'tough'. And that I've come to understand as well that this is not going to be a 'walk in the park'. And that there is a lot of pain and suffering within existence, a lot of deep separation and a lot of 'challenges' ahead.

So anyways I've just been noticing this very 'subtle' experience or sneaky little thought sitting there way in the back of my mind. Which also seems specific to my mind perhaps, in terms of how I've always lived in total disconnection. Never quite grasping the seriousness or 'realness' of my actions, and the fact that every action has a consequence. Many times within my process, the main reason why I kept 'falling' back into specific experiences and create timeloop after timeloop, was this sneaky little thought of 'oh whats the harm'. Not realizing or recognizing the seriousness of process. Not having my feet on the ground. And almost believing that at the end of the day, 'nothing really matters'. Not really believing in 'consequences'. Because in the mind, there is no such thing as 'consequences'. Energy as emotions and feelings operates on the very 'principle' that you can 'lose yourself' and there will be no consequences. That 'it's fine' to lose yourself in this feeling/emotion/energy. While, reality is like the opposite of that lol. EVERYTHING has consequences. And that can be a tough pill to swallow when you come from lala-land as all the numerous delusions in the mind and are used to believing you can get away with anything.

But I did realize that how this sneaky little bastard of a thought is specific to my mind, is that it is just based on FEAR. And that fear is also coming from the mind as some sort of self-protection mechanism. Where the mind will be like 'oh no! You don't want to become aware of reality! You don't want to walk that process! It will be horrible!' lol. And then it will come in with that sneaky thought of 'you can always go baaaack...' as the point of 'comfort'. The 'looking for comfort from my fear'. Instead of simply realizing the fear, realizing it's not real, and just continue walking.

www.desteni.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

www.destonians.com

www.eqafe.com

 

The Harm and Damage Energy does to the Body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when it comes to process and the mind, i am pretty much fucked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that i fucked up pretty badly in my process and that probably on a beingness level I'm just completely fucked because my mind is just so fucked and that there is no 'hope' for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for hope because i've defined myself as hopeless inside and within and as the emotion of despair

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in and as the emotion of despair and hopelessness and to therefore constantly be looking for 'hope' but never finding it and always ending up feeling like i'm actually fucked - instead of just stepping out of that polarity altogether and seeing and realizing and understanding that at the end of the day it's just another excuse to participate in energy and to mine energy within and from the body - as life is not about hope or despair, but is simply HERE -- and where i dont need to look for 'grace' or 'forgiveness' or 'heaven' or 'god' because it's all simply HERE, i just need to stop participating in the energy games of hope vs despair

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that really all that goes through my mind is just energy games that i play with myself to mine energy from the body, through creating and going into emotional conflicts -- and that really i just need to learn to relax and be calm and breathe through the energy rather than getting sucked into it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop this personality of just basically very easily 'freaking out' and very easily assuming the 'worst', and then actually create the worst through reacting to intensely with emotions which then just do a lot of damage to the physical body

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in and as the personality design of 'freaking out' very easily and going into intense hightened emotional reactions very easily and quickly with anything happening - instead of being calm and relaxed and stable and seeing and realizing and understanding that if anything it's this tendency to 'freak out' emotionally that does the most harm and damage to the physical body and that what the body really needs is just stability and calm and peacefulness

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize and see that the energy i go into and participate in has  and does the most damage to the body and that i just need to make sure that my energy levels are stable and that i dont go into these high intensity reactions of freaking out over things and assuming the worst and going into fear and despair and hopelessness etc - but just realize that these are just mind programs desinged essentially to just generate a whole bunch of energy and that i've come to define myself withina nd as these programs because i've just developed such a strong relationship with energy in the body and because emotional energy is simply the most intense form of energy and goes the deepest into the body

i forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that i cant be going into these intense emotional reactions within myself because they do a lot of damage to the body

and so i forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to be more careful and caring with regards to my body in terms of recognizing and realizing the effect that my emotional state and reactions have on the body and the damage that it actually does to the body

and i forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to take better care of the body through realizing and seeing and understanding what emotions do to the body and so not just allowing myself to just go into and lose myself in these emotional reactions and experiences that come up - but rather recognizing that it's energy coming from the mind and immediately recognizing and understanding the effect that energy actually has on the body - and so essentially placing the body first, before the mind as energy

i forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that i have just come to develop a strong and intense relationship connection with energy

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to be more aware of these strong intense bursts of energy within myself that i tend to go into as like a constant sort of 'freaking out' over things, just to generate energy within myself

so i forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to be more just calm and settled and slowed down within myself, in terms of just reigning in my reactions and not being so quick to freak out and react intensely to things - but more just keeping it steady and slow paced within myself -- realizing and understanding and seeing that it's these intense bursts of reactions that actually cause the most damage and harm within the body -- in terms of those moments where I 'freak out' and sort of make a big deal out of something and go into fear and despair and hopelessness

i forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to be more responsible in relation to my body, in terms of what i actually do to it through going into emotional bursts of reactions -- and to see and realize and understand that at the end of the day what matters most is not so much what i do on an external level but more the energy reactions that I allow myself to participate in within myself as that's what actually does the most damage to the physical reality as the body -- where i need to make sure that I am not just stable and settled and calm on an external level but more so make sure that i am stable settled and calm on an internal level and do not allow myself to just react within energy willy nilly

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that actually what matters most is not so much how i act and behave on a external level but more the energy reactions that i accept and allow within myself as thats what actually does the most harm to the physical reality as the body

I forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to even see or be aware of the effects that energy actually has and the harm that energy reactions inside of myself actually causes to the physical reality as the body -- and that I can be as calm and stable as i want on an external level in my behavior but if i am not equally calm and settled and stable on an internal level then it makes no difference whatsoever because really the only thing that really matters at the end of the day is who and how i am within myself in relation to the body in terms of the energy reactions that i allow myself to participate in as its energy that does the most harm to the physical reality

I forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to basically keep tabs on who i am on an internal level, seeing and realizing and understanding that thats at the end of the day what really matters -- whether i am actually calm and stable and settled internally in relation to the body

i forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that living the word safe haven mostly actually means to be a safe haven internally in relation to the body - in terms of just not allowing any harsh energy reactions

i forgive myself that i havent accepted and allowed myself to be a safe haven in relation to the body by not even considering or realizing or recognizing the damage and harm that energy reactions actually have and do to the body


when and as I see myself going into this pattern of 'freaking out' within myself over something, through going into these bursts of reactions of despair and fear and hopelessness - then i stop and i breathe - and i see and realize and understand that these kind of intense emotional energy reactions within myself actually cause the greatest damage and harm to the body

and i see and realize and understand that i cannot just allow myself to go into and lose myself into these kinds of reactions as i am in fact greatly harming the body by doing so

i see and realize and understand that what really actually matters is who i am internally in relation to the body and not so much who i am externally in terms of my behavior and actions - because it's in fact the energy that i participate in and accept within me that does the greatest harm and damage to the physical body

i see and realize and understand that if anything, I need to make sure that I am stable and settled and slowed down and calm on an internal level with regards to my energy reactions- and cannot just allow myself to go into these reactions of 'freaking out' over things as reactions of fear and despair and hopelessness

i see and realize and understand that i have actually created a sort personality around emotionally 'freaking out' over things where i actually go into these really intense bursts of emotional reactions within myself almost constantly over almost everything

i see and realize and understand that i need to basically be more aware of the actual effects on the body of such intense reactions that i allow myself to go into  - and recognize that i need to essentially stop myself from going into them and be overall more careful in terms of what I allow myself to go into and do on an internal level and be more aware and caring with regards to what the effects are on the body

i see and realize and understand that i have never actually been caring in relation to the body in terms of never having realized or considered even what the effects are of energy reactions on the body - as i've always just lost myself within emotions believing that it has no consequences and not even realizing or seeing how emotions as energy are actually mined from the body and that the body is immensely harmed and damaged in the process

i see and realize and understand that i have always believed that what matters most is my external behavior and actions  and never realized or understood that what actually matters is what i do on an internal level in terms of the energy that i allow myself to participate in and how that energy actually harms and effects the body -- as that's what in fact has the most actual impact on the physical reality

I see and realize and understand that in fact the physical body comes first and not the mind as energy -- and that i need to shift my focus from unconditionally going into and losing myself into energy reactions in the mind, to unconditionally caring for and considering the physical body

I commit myself to be settled and calm and slowed down within myself so as to not allow myself to so easily go into and lose myself into these energy reactions of 'freaking out' - and so to be and stay more 'stable' on an internal level and thus not allow myself to harm or damage the body through energy

I commit myself to essentially 'calm down' those energy reactions of 'freaking out' as experiences and reactions and bursts of fear, despair and hoplessness -- and so care more about the body and what i actually do to the body and how the energy that i go into actually affects the body

I commit myself to place the body first in terms of being careful with the energy reactions that i allow myself to go into - and rather considering what that energy does to the body and so placing more of a guard in front of myself with regards to my tendency to just go into energy reactions of 'freaking out'

Living words: Hope and Hopeless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed within and as the words hope and hopelessness as an energy polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and define myself in and as the word hope as a point of not wanting to take responsibility for what is here, not wanting to be here, and not wanting to stand one and equal with what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word hope as the point of not wanting to take responsibility for what is here, not wanting to stand one and equal with what is here and not wanting to accept what is here as me but rather wanting to escape and run away to something apparently ‘better’ – and so existing in ‘hope’ as a ‘feeling’ that’s like a constant longing for something ‘better’ and ‘more’ and a rejection of what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word hope by just allowing it to define me and just allowing myself to live this world without awareness or self-responsibility for who I am in relation to this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word hope instead of seeing and realizing that it is not what is best for me in and as oneness and equality – because whats best for me is to accept what is here and stand one and equal with it in and as self-responsibility and so not exist in a point of escapism – but to actually take responsibility to direct what is here – where if anything if hope were a real practical living word it would mean to actually take responsibility for what is here and accept things as they are and then direct them toward the best outcome for all – which is not a point of escapism but more a point of assertiveness, wherein I don’t need ‘hope’ as a feeling

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word assertiveness rather than the word ‘hope’ – as in to take responsibility for what is here and accept what is here and to stand up and take charge and direct what is here towards an outcome that’s best for all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that living in and as the word hope only disempowers me in relation to reality as I am not accepting reality as it is and I am trying to escape, which is effectively impossible, so I end up just sort of generating and participating in feeling energy to create the illusion that I can ‘escape’, while really I’m just preoccupying my awareness so that I would be blinded and just wouldn’t be faced with or see directly what is here as reality, even though it’s still right here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to be blind and choose to not see directly what is here in and as reality by existing in and as hope as escapism – instead of just accepting that what is here is ‘me’ as ‘reality’, and that it just ‘is what it is’ and the only thing that’s going to ‘make it go away’ or ‘make it better’ is if I take charge and be assertive and actually take it upon myself to direct what is here

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to simply accept what is here as reality and actually MAKE it better and MAKE it work, and be ASSERTIVE – realizing and understanding that there is no ‘escape’, that this is it, this is all there is and this is all I’ve got, so I need to be the directive principle of what is here rather than going into escapism in the mind within and as the word ‘hope’ and the polarity of ‘hope’ and ‘hopeless’, and essentially stop playing energy games with myself in the mind and get real with myself and start trusting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to basically wait until things get to a point where I am forced to stand up and take action and forced to be ‘assertive’, where at that point usually it will be driven by fear of survival --- instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that I should have already stood and I should have already been assertive and directing reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that the word ‘hope’, along with ‘hopeless’, isn’t actually a living word – as in it is not something that can be practically physically lived as it is purely a placement holder for energy in the mind in and as the programming of escapism – and that a word that WOULD be practical as a living word is ASSERTIVENESS and DIRECTIVENESS, which in a way is hope made practical, as in not just waiting  for something better to ‘come along’ or pretending that there is something else or something better than what’s here, but actually CREATING something better through directing what is here and taking direct responsibility for what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed through living the word ‘hope’, to exist within escapism from reality as a desire to ‘get away’ from everything that is here and to have something that’s ‘better’ and look for something ‘better’ and to not in any way actually take reality  in my own hands and realize my responsibility

For what is here as reality and to direct reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the word hope within myself as the programming of escapism and to actually direct this word within myself and realize and see and understand that it is not who I really am as life in and as oneness and equality because it is simply not best for all as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word hope as a placement holder for a ‘feeling’ connected with a want to escape and a resistance to take responsibility for or accept reality as it is, to exist within and as me

So I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the words that I live within and as me as what I accept and allow within and as me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that to exist in ‘hope’ is to say that ‘things are out of my hands’ and that ‘I cannot direct reality’, that all I can do is just sit and wait and ‘want’ for things to be different – and so exist in a polarity within myself of hope vs hopeless, both of which are based within a belief that I am powerless in relation to reality --- instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that in fact I am not powerless, and that I just need to accept reality as it is and look at what I can do to direct reality towards the best outcome for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as the belief that ‘things are out of my hands’ and that ‘I cannot direct reality’ and that ‘I am powerless in relation to reality’ and so the belief that I thus cant do anything but just wait for things to change and get better on their own – and exist in a polarity of hope for the best and fear for the worst as hope and hopelessness

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that literally EVERYTHING is in my hands and that I have to make the most of the power and ability that I do have in this world and reality to create a world that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOPE for a better world and to HOPE that things will change, while I hold back and exist in a point of ‘waiting’, not really pushing myself or being assertive or directive as I believe that it’s not all in my hands --- instead of doing everything that I can to MAKE SURE that I am creating a world that is best for all, that I am creating a better world and realizing and understanding that it IS all up to me and in my hands to create what I see is best

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be ASSERTIVE, in terms of SEEING what is best and what it is that I want, and then actually doing everything in my power to make it happen – rather than waiting in HOPE that it will or might one day happen as I believe myself to be ‘powerless’ to do or create anything

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live ASSERTIVENESS in terms of SEEING what it is that I want to create and then just DOING it, just making it happen – not listening or giving in to reasons or excuses for why I cannot or why it’s impossible or whatever, but just making it happen one way or the other

When and as I see myself existing in and as the word ‘hope’ as a point of waiting and wishing and wanting for reality to change and become better, while actually existing within and as a belief that I am powerless or don’t know what to do or cant do anything, then I stop and I breathe, and I see and realize and understand that I have come to accept and allow myself to live the word ‘hope’ in and as the mind because I’ve never taken responsibility for the words that I am living

I see and realize and understand that hope is the programming of escapism as a resistance to accept reality as it is and take responsibility for it and stand one and equal with it and wishing and wanting things to change and be different

I see and realize and understand that within the word ‘hope’ I basically accept the belief that I am ‘powerless’ to do anything in this world and reality as I exist within a point of just wanting things to change but not actually doing something about it because at the same time I am rejecting the reality that is here by not accepting it and not standing one and equal with it and not wanting to take responsibility for it

 i see and realize and understand that hope is not actually a living word as it only exists in and as energy in the mind in separation of life as the physical

I commit myself to live assertiveness instead of hope, in terms of simply seeing what is best and CREATING it and DOING what it takes to create it, taking reality in my hands and realizing that it IS in my hands and so creating what it is that i see is best

Give Me SEX!

This is a continuation of my previous post "Corona"

What’s the ONE THING that’s got us all by the balls? The one thing that’s our greatest secret and our greatest obsession. That’s got all our attention and all our focus, without us even being aware of it. The one thing we effectively LIVE FOR. And the one thing that makes sure we define ourselves within the mind, rather than being HERE.

Why is it that we seem to have such a hard time seeing SEX as ‘not a big deal’? Throughout human history there’s always been either a complete suppression of it, or an obsession with it. It’s never been just ‘whatever’. Cause at the end of the day that is what sex is and what the ‘placement’ of sex is, it’s ‘whatever’. Like sure it’s nice and yeah it allows you to make babies, but other than that it’s not all that ‘useful’. In terms of for example creating a world that’s best for all.

And yet we treat it as if it is the single most fascinating and important thing in the universe. As if it holds the key to EVERYTHING. Like on the one hand it’s so mysterious and hidden and secret and on the other hand at the same time it is everywhere, in everything we do. So surely it MUST be the key somehow to our very existence.

And it is in a way. But only in the way that we’ve been DUPED. That all this time, ‘sex’ has been programmed in and as the mind to be our single biggest distraction. Through this polarity of SUPPRESSION and OBSESSION. The polarity of on the one hand ‘no you can’t!’ and on the other hand ‘oh but you must!’. A polarity wherein we have never simply accepted sex to be just ‘here’. Just ‘normal’. Just ‘whatever’. Just sort of part of what’s here. And really, not all that special at all.

We’ve never seen it for what it is. A point of enjoyment and expression. But certainly not anything we should be making a big deal about. Cause have a look even at the experience of nervousness, of discomfort, at saying the word ‘sex’ or talking about anything related to it. All the reactions coming from this deeper programming of it within our mind. Look at the fact that we NEVER talk about it, but it’s what actually ‘stimulates’ our mind the most.

Sex has been the mind’s most effective way to ensure that we never truly focus on things that REALLY matter, as this world and reality, but that we remain slaves to energy inside the mind. Oh yes, we’ve been had. Cause I mean, what would it take for us to give up on our obsession with sex? Is humanity even ready to talk openly about it and to let go of that polarity around it? To accept it as just something that’s normal and start focusing on things that really matter in this world?