I Can't Do This

This is a continuation of my previous post "Who am I as a COACH?"

I’ve come to realize that there is this programming within my mind of believing and perceiving myself to be disempowered in relation to the mind. That I am just unable and incapable of really moving and directing and changing particular points, that ‘I just can’t do it’. That when it comes to fears and emotions, but mostly the thoughts connected with them, I feel quite disempowered and incapable.

And it seems that mostly what my problem is and has been, is that I kind of expect myself to ‘easily’ transcend or ‘let go’ of these sort of mind points, and then I get frustrated with myself and go into a ‘giving up’ and a sort of ‘laziness’ when it doesn’t seem to be that easy, telling myself that ‘I guess I just can’t do it’. When there is ‘something else’ blocking me and getting in my way, as this ‘wall’ that I keep bumping into. Something that seems to be a bit more ‘stubborn’ or more ‘ingrained’ within me in some way.

A ‘deeper design’ which, if I’m honest with myself, I’ve actually for the most part been suppressing and hiding from myself. So this ‘I can’t do this’-programming is more a consequence of my expectation to sort of be ‘perfect’. Not really recognizing or realizing that when it comes to the mind, sometimes it just takes a little bit of a process to sort of ‘unearth’ a programming. To really understand it in a way that supports me to actually transcend it. I mean especially when it comes to these kind of things that I’ve been suppressing my entire life. Stuff that exist on an unconscious or deeper level.

Cause the thing is, that when I go into this ‘I can’t do this’-programming, I end up going into and developing coping mechanisms wherein I try to escape and hide from all the fears and the thoughts and the experiences that I now believe I cannot change or transcend and am disempowered by. And that’s where I REALLY make myself stagnate and become ‘stuck’.

While, the solution is really just a simple ‘shift’ in perspective. From EXPECTING myself to ‘just transcend the points already’ and ‘be perfect’, to TRUSTING that, with the proper tools – like self-forgiveness and living words – I can do it. It may not be immediate and it may take me a bit of time to really investigate and understand and find the point of ‘direction’, but as long as I apply myself and apply my tools, I will get there.

AND to also be careful to not allow myself to go into those coping mechanisms, and be more aware of when and how I have a tendency to go into them as that’s the real trap of disempowerment. And be more aware of, when the coping mechanisms do come up, where they’re actually coming from as the ‘I can’t do this’-programming, and correct myself in those moments – moving from EXPECTATION to SELF-TRUST.

No More Excuses

This is a continuation of my previous post "Give Me SEX!"

So with reading a color for ‘the universe’ yesterday, I had to come to terms with and face the EXCUSES that I have been using and hiding behind all this time to not simply change. To not simply be and stand as what I know is the best version of me.

Because the thing is that, in every moment I am actually always aware of what the best version of me is. But yet I accept something that’s less than that. Because of, ‘reasons’ lol. Because ‘I’m not ready to let go of the past’, ‘I still feel guilty about things’, ‘I need to forgive myself more’, ‘I need to understand myself better’ or ‘I’m still too deep into the mind’. All seemingly logical reasons for why I CAN’T stand as the best version of myself here in this moment. Why I can’t just make that decision that whatever ‘process’ I believed I still need to walk is DONE, and wherever I was walking towards is HERE.

Cause the thing is that you CAN actually make that decision. You are completely able and capable to unconditionally let go of the past in every moment and simply STAND as the best version of you. The only thing that’s standing in your way is your ‘reasons’, as your ‘excuses’ for why you APPARENTLY ‘can’t’. And it’s this ‘narrative’ in the mind which I have found sort of ‘difficult’ to just stop listening to. As in the ‘listening to’ it is just automatic. And it’s only once I read this color that I realized that ‘no, actually this reasoning in the mind is really just mind-programming designed to keep me down. Who I really am is the DECISION to change in just one moment’. It’s the ABILITY and CAPABILITY to say NO to what is not best, no matter what.

Reasons as excuses and justifications in the mind are mind-programming designed to make me believe that I am really actually powerless. That ‘for this and this and that reason’ I do not have the ability to decide who I am from moment to moment. I mean the mind is quite a magnificent creation in how it does this. In how it strips beings of their power, through nothing but BELIEF. In stopping you at every turn and having a program in place for every movement you make. To make sure that you are effectively and efficiently completely trapped in the mind, to the point that you BECOME the mind. But at the end of the day this is also one of those ‘reasons’ the mind would use. Just an excuse that you use and accept to not just stand up.

Cause an interesting thing is that these ‘programs’ in the mind are only effective and only ‘work’ because to an extent it was already existing within us on some level. We were in fact already ready and willing to not take responsibility for ourselves, so the mind just gave us an ‘excuse’ to abdicate responsibility, through programming that we’d accept and allow. So the ‘programming’ is just a more systematized version of who we already are inside ourselves. So that’s why we still do need to ‘face’ the programming and forgive it and stand one and equal with it. And why we do need to walk that process of forgiveness, taking responsibility for what the mind’s programming is showing us about who we really are inside. In terms of what already existed within us which we never took responsibility for.