Understanding the Baby's Kicking - Adventures with QCK

 

This is another sort of 'eye-opening' point I've wanted to share with regards to my experiences so far during pregnancy, specifically working with QCK(Quantum Change Kinesiology). I mean working with QCK, as well as just having much experience with investigating/exploring the mind(see Desteni/DIP), I've learned to recognize and see the physical body and all possible physical sensations/experiences/pains/conditions/expressions as a sort of feedback 'tool' or 'machine' that appropriately shows you your 'real self' so to speak. Or it at least just shows you your deeper programming that you're not aware of as you go about your day/life on a purely conscious level. It's fascinating stuff.

But there was one thing I wasn't expecting as I'm working in this realm of 'body/mind communication' and that is that a developing baby/fetus in the womb also plays a role in this 'feedback machine' that is the physical body. Something that specifically becomes apparent when the baby starts 'kicking', or rather when you start feeling the kicks. Yes, I had my first moments of awe and endearment and the "omg, he/she is kicking!". You know, that new parent milestone that you get all excited about cause it reminds you of 'the miracle of life' growing inside you. Although, it's only when I started looking into these kicks and communicating with the baby every time I felt one that I realized they're not 'random', and certainly not all 'miracle of life' related. In fact, a lot of the time it's the baby communicating to me about what I am participating in in my mind. Basically him/her saying "stop it!", or "you need to look at this".

But the most fascinating of all is his/her participation when I am busy looking at/working through a point, not to mention when I am working with someone else in a QCK session. The baby will actually 'hold' the information of the point I'm working with, be it my own or that of a client, and will sometimes 'nudge' me in the right direction. That maybe sounds a bit technical or confusing, but yes lol. I am not entirely sure how it works or why this kind of 'support' is coming from the baby to be honest. This is about as far as my understanding has taken me. And this is all a very new kind of journey for me as well so I am also learning about all this as I go, through experience and practice and observation.

To maybe give you a practical example of how this goes down. Say I'm in a session with someone and we're tapping into/working with a particular subconscious personality design that's hiding on deeper layers of an issue they're dealing with. This personality being on a subconscious level alone requires me to see the information in myself first, since it is very likely that the person won't be aware of the subconscious personality if I tell them, "oh you are living a personality design of being rigid(just for example sake)". They'll go, "right, ehm, I guess?" I as the practitioner have to be the one to be able to show them exactly how and where and in what way they're living this thing, in a way that allows them to recognize it and relate to it within themselves and go, "ah yes, I see how I do this". And this can be tricky sometimes because basically now I need to be fully open and receptive to see/receive/tune into/experience what's on that very specific subconscious level of this person's mind, as well as be able to specify and articulate what it is that I'm seeing. This is all 'resonant work' and not necessarily something I'll be going into right now though (but, more than willing to answer questions in the comments section!).

So sometimes I'll get a little bit 'stuck', as in there just won't be anything coming up or I just don't immediately see anything. Usually that means that it is actually there and I am actually seeing it, I just don't know that I'm seeing it lol, because the point is so nuanced or subtle. Those are the times when the baby will give me a 'kick', or will shift positions or will even go into a 'pain' or 'discomfort' experience, basically to give me a 'physical reference point' for me to be able to better access the information. Physical reference point, as in it's just easier for me to 'draw'/read information from a tangible physical point, in terms of reading/accessing the mind/body relationship, than reading it 'out of thin air' so to speak. This 'reading the mind/body relationship' is a big part of the QCK work that I do, where I start from a physical point and then open that up into the resonant layers, or 'mind programming', existent within and behind it. So here the baby will support by positioning and placing itself ever so specifically. Almost physically embodying the point from the client for me so I can have a better 'feel' for it physically and am able to read it better. And yeah, it's as 'fantastical' as it sounds lol. To have my baby helping me out as I'm helping others, and to just have the baby's communication come through so clearly within all the different kicks, turns, positions and movements that it makes in there. And so the wild ride of pregnancy continues lol.

This is just me sharing what my experience has been so far with being pregnant and working with resonance through QCK. Sharing about the things that have kind of 'blown me out of the water' personally, as it's just things I never thought were possible. Not like I've ever read about women communicating with their baby through its kicking and movements in the womb. It is a 'direct' form of communication with reality that is very new to me, and as far as I know, to the world(or at least humanity). Something that's actually always been here, yet never realized or practiced because our minds have always gotten in the way. That's why I suppose you could say that QCK is about supporting in that process of deconstructing the mind. A tool of assistance and support for humanity to get to who we really are. Direct seeing, direct communication, and awareness of everything that is here. But we first have to walk our process through our own mind.

Investigate tools of support at Desteni, Desteni 'I' Process, DIP Lite, Eqafe, and at Space of Grace, where you can find me with QCK along with many other practitioners who each have their own modality of support and who work with the same principle of facilitating your process through the mind and "into" who you really are. 

 Contact me at Space of Grace, via Facebook or here in the comment section if you're curious to learn more about QCK and what I do exactly.

Kim

Social Anxiety

 I just have to share this timeline I did in DIP Pro, cause it just so perfectly captures my entire experience as a person in this world, in my life lol. Just 'anxious', uncomfortable, trapped in my own skin, in my environment, not particularly enjoying the whole 'social' experience, around 'other humans'.

MP-->-->-->-->-->memory of sitting on the sidelines watching other kids playing a game

E1-->-->-->-->-->--> I'm at Chiro

E1-->-->-->-->-->-->--> my parents are making me come here and 'play with the other kids'

E1 -->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> my brother too

E1-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> but neither of us likes coming here

E1-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> we're always trying to get out of it, whining at my parents to please let us stay home

E2 -->-->-->-->-->--> I don't feel like I fit in

E2-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I don't feel like I am accepted or that the others like me very much

E2 -->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->I feel anxious and uncomfortable

E2 -->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I feel uncomfortable in my clothes even

E2 -->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I always feel cold and rather just stay inside where it's warm and where we get our treats

E3-->-->-->-->-->--> I am sitting on the side watching as the other girls in my group play a ball game

E3-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I've already been tagged out

E3-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I watch as they all seem really into the game, into competing against each other

E3-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I think 'I don't understand it. I don't understand what people like so much about fighting against each other trying to be the winner. Can't we all just be friends and get along?'

E3-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->I feel an aversion to playing games where you have to 'beat' other people and try to be a winner, specifically very physically active games

E3-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I think I don't want to participate, it's all too rough for me. I want more gentle things, like staying inside and eating or talking or playing board games

E3-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> I'm wishing we could go inside and I'm waiting until it's time for us to go inside

E4 -->-->-->-->-->--> I feel trapped cause I'm forced to be there against my will. So all I can do is just sit and wait, feeling uncomfortable inside myself, until I get to go home. While pretending that I like being part of it all and doing all the things everyone else is doing. 

E4 -->-->-->-->-->-->--> feel like I'm imprisoned inside my own body and my environment

E4 -->-->-->-->-->-->-->--> cause I can't go anywhere or do any of the things that I actually want to do and am forced by my parents to be here and do this

And it's with opening up these kind of memories that at first glance seem so trivial in the landscape of my life, that I get to go deeper into this whole design play out of 'me'. That I can have realizations, like 'oh wow, if only I had just been honest with myself about the fact that I hated it there and hated everything about it, it would have actually helped me be more comfortable with myself'. Cause writing out this memory play-out, I can see that it's especially the part where I'm 'pretending' to enjoy being and doing what everybody else is doing, that caused me to feel trapped inside myself. To feel even uncomfortable in my own skin. 

Rather than thinking that I must force myself to fit into this environment and be like everyone else, I could have just recognized for myself that 'no, I was actually forced to go to this place and be here, and I just don't like any of it'. So, rather than trying to force myself to enjoy it, just embrace the hate lol. Embrace and be real with the fact that, hey, I really actually don't like or enjoy any of this. 

Cause I noticed I do that a lot with myself, kind of force myself into trying to enjoy something just because 'everybody else seems to', while I actually simply don't enjoy it if I'm honest with myself. Trying to 'fit into' what seems to be 'the way of life' for most people and pretend that I'm enjoying this ride just like the next person, while I actually am continuously asking myself 'what the hell am I doing here?' and 'what's really the point of all this?' And so I'm not just being honest with myself about how I actually experience myself. More living life based on BELIEF of how I should feel and should be. It's bizarre.

So anyways, just wanted to share this timeline cause I thought it's really neat to be able to get into the nitty-gritty of yourself within this online DIP Pro course, and to then start really changing things through different tools. Taking on your own memories as the 'fabric' of your life and of 'you' and redesigning your whole experience. Pretty cool stuff.

www.desteni.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

www.destonians.com

www.eqafe.com

Tourettes

This is a continuation of my previous post "You're a Fucking Bitch"

Looking back on my life in general, there were many moments, many memories I have, wherein I seemed to deliberately place myself in situations that just caused me greater stress and anxiety and emotional inner conflict than I was already experiencing. Where I was for instance doing things because of some belief or idea in my mind of ‘oh this is what I’m supposed to be doing’ and completely ignored the fact that what I was doing was making me feel extremely uncomfortable. Like there was just a complete disregard for my own feelings and inner experiences and on top of that as well a tendency to almost deliberately make myself feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Like a bullying of myself in a way.

In fact most of the things I did, in terms of the people I chose to hang out with and the activities we participated in, actually made me feel very anxious. And if I had listened to myself and done what was best for me, I simply would not have chosen  those friends/activities. Yet, I did all of it because I believed it’s what I wanted. It’s only now, being more aware of who I am in my mind, that I am realizing and seeing that I was living this programming of being harmful towards myself – in terms of basically rather than doing what made me feel good, comfortable and pleasant, I did that which made me feel uncomfortable, anxious, nervous, ashamed and conflicted within myself. And I felt good about that! Lol

And then I’d also sometimes ended up blaming other people for judging me, instead of realizing that I placed myself in that situation to begin with, kind of throwing myself to the vultures, being vulnerable to be judged. Because sure, judgment is a thing. People judge. And yes if you’re going to behave and express yourself in a certain way, people are going to judge you in a certain way. So it’s almost like I deliberately did things that would cause others as well as myself to judge me, so that I could then go and feel ashamed and embarrassed and disappointed within myself, over and over and over again.

It’s kind of similar to people who have Tourettes. You see them reacting immediately to their own behavior and expression with shame, guilt and embarrassment. But it’s like they can’t help themselves. There’s something inside of them that needs/wants to do it. It’s that addiction to ‘self-harm’. Something inside them that yes, DELIBERATELY, places them in situations wherein they WILL end up feeling bad about themselves in some way.

So why do this? What’s going on here? What I traced it back to within myself  is this sort of attachment to ‘relationships’. Or rather, a more intense one than within your average human. A more intense sense of ‘I just want to be friends’ or ‘I want you to like me’. It’s kind of a ‘relationship demon’. And it’s interesting because ‘relationships’ actually means self-compromise. Cause the more you want or try to create relationships with others, the more you’re willing to not be yourself just so you can please others. It’s a form of self-abuse. Cause you’re just not considering yourself in any way whatsoever, as you’ll do anything just to be ‘liked by others’.

And I mean me personally have never been able to imagine NOT having this desire for relationships. To be able to ‘just be myself’ when I’m around other people. Also the concept of ‘agreements’ was always something unfathomable to me. Only now are my eyes starting to open to the possibilities of existing beyond this ‘relationship preprogramming’. To consider that it’s possible to be ‘together’ with another person, yet not in a ‘relationship’, but in an ‘agreement’. And for me to honor my relationship with myself instead.

www.desteni.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

www.destonians.com

www.eqafe.com

The ONE person your mind is built around

I remember that I believe it was Jack who once said that your mind is essentially sort of built around just one person, and that if you can let go of the relationship with that one person then you'll essentially let go of your entire mind consciousness system. And that it won't be the person you'd suspect.

So when I looked into this point, I realized that there was actually someone when I was very young and in my first years of school. She was a nun who was in charge of the playground and the lunch room and the after school daycare sort of thing. And she was MEAN lol. Like she oftentimes seemed to just really enjoy punishing children and embarrassing them and she could just get so pissed and just mean. And I did have the feeling that she just didn't like me specifically very much. That there was something about me that she just 'didn't like' or maybe even 'couldnt stand'.

And that 'thing about me' from what I can tell looking back, was that I was kind of a very 'expressive' child. In that, when I got excited, I couldnt really contain my joy and excitement. I didn't have much 'boundaries' or 'shame' about me lol. And for her, being a nun, I can imagine why and how that particular expression wouldn't have sat well with her. As in I would have represented everything that she had learned to suppress within herself. In terms of for instance sexuality, having that freedom of self-expression, of expressing without boundaries and shame. Cause after all, isn't religion all about sexual suppression and just the suppression of your whole self underneath all these moralities and rules and beliefs and shit? Cause you're basically living for the afterlife and you're supposed to not actually live while you're actually alive, so that you can get into the afterlife... or something like that.

Anyways, even though at first glance she didn't seem to have played that big of a role in my life, since she wasn't really part of my 'primary' environment and relationships, she did actually imprint within me quite a bit. In that, I can see how it was in relation to her, and as a result of noticing her reactions to me, that I started to suppress that 'free and wild expression' and started to feel like I should feel ashamed about it and should not be expressing myself in that way.

And that I then, from that relationship, essentially developed an entire mind as personality designs around the 'suppression of my expression', which has been what my mind is essentially about. Like the sort of 'core design' of my mind system. The suppression of my self-expression, and most specifically related to sex and sexuality. Just a whole bunch of suppression lol.

In a way I even BECAME a 'nun' within myself, in terms of being just so sexually repressed and existing in so much shame about my sexuality and self-expression that I'd have issues expressing myself sexually at all, in terms of masturbation and sex. So it looks like I essentially copied and 'took on' that point that existed within her, of and as the 'suppression of self-expression'. And, not just 'suppression' but also 'punishment'. The 'punishment of self-suppression'.

So it's just interesting, this particular design of having this one person in your life, whom you're not even necessarily related to or have developed any particular relationship with, but who has basically primarily and almost single-handedly contributed to you developing a particular mind consciousness system and becoming something and someone that is like the farthest away from who you really are lol. I mean, go figure.

And an important question in all this is as well: How and why is it that I could go from being absolute freedom and boundlessness of expression to absolute suppression?? Like, what was it about that one relationship with that one person, where let's be honest I didn't even really create that much of a relationship with them, that could 'hook' into me to that extent that it would essentially make me abandon all of who I really am?

And I mean for me the point I'm seeing is 'fear' and 'authority'. In that I was pretty afraid of her and did perceive her to have quite the authority over me, and so did care about her 'opinion' of me since it was very much connected to my survival lol. Cause like, if she didn't like you, she could make your life hell. And I really didn't feel like getting humiliated in front of the entire school and having her wrath come down upon me like that. But then, maybe I should have just been OK with that, and should have just embraced it, placing who I really am first, before this fear of her 'authority'. And so expressing and being and honoring myself no matter what.

I mean clearly I just didn't care all that much about who I really am, or value myself all that much, if I so easily just suppressed myself, all for FEAR. I mean, what abandonment of myself. Which, in itself, was also already preprogrammed in a way in terms of the relationship to 'fear' that I had already come to develop even earlier on in my life. Don't you just love the mind??!

The Imprisoned Self-Awareness

This is a continuation of my previous post "Overwhelmed with Self-Judgment"

What does it mean to be aware? I’m starting to realize that what I always thought was ‘awareness’, was really just FEAR. Fear of the things that I see with my eyes as what exists in this world and reality. What I believed was ‘awareness’ was actually more ‘memories’. Pictures and images in my mind, connected with fear, as constant ‘reminders’ of the apparent world and reality that I exist in. Confusing awareness with ‘knowing’, as knowledge and information, which is ALWAYS connected with emotion.

So I was never actually ‘aware’. I was just existing in massive amounts of fear. And I was trusting the mind, as the very thing that was placing me in that prison of fear, to make me ‘aware’ of the reality I exist in through knowledge and information. Which was more like a constant ‘reminder’ that I should exist in FEAR and that basically ‘reality = fear’.

While really, meanwhile, my actual SELF-awareness was suppressed. The self-awareness as in just the point of being ‘here’ and realizing ‘I am here’. The only awareness that’s real. That just gets locked away somewhere. Deemed ‘unimportant’. And ‘awareness’ gets hijacked by the mind by defining it within survival as fear. Where, to be ‘aware’ basically means that you must always fear your reality. You must always be on ‘high alert’, ready to protect and defend yourself against a possible attack. Like in the military, where you learn to fear your environment and use fear and adrenaline to survive.

I mean, the mind really is like you’re being programmed as a ‘soldier’. To never be relaxed and never ‘let go’. Never ‘let your guard down’. Always be on top of everything, always know what’s going on, always be ready to fight and always expect an attack. And above all, SURVIVE! And ‘awareness’ is just a tool within that fight for survival. Cause those who are the most ‘aware’, are the most ‘prepared’. I mean this is really some primitive programming. Like prehistoric, caveman type programming. But then, that’s the unconscious mind.

And I may never have been consciously aware of it, because I’ve lived a life of privilege wherein I was able to pretend as though survival isn’t something I need to worry about. But for plenty of beings in this reality, this is their conscious experience. Because we live in a world of inequality. Wherein some get to live in the future, while others still exist in the dark ages, or prehistoric times. It’s all still here.