The Imprisoned Self-Awareness

This is a continuation of my previous post "Overwhelmed with Self-Judgment"

What does it mean to be aware? I’m starting to realize that what I always thought was ‘awareness’, was really just FEAR. Fear of the things that I see with my eyes as what exists in this world and reality. What I believed was ‘awareness’ was actually more ‘memories’. Pictures and images in my mind, connected with fear, as constant ‘reminders’ of the apparent world and reality that I exist in. Confusing awareness with ‘knowing’, as knowledge and information, which is ALWAYS connected with emotion.

So I was never actually ‘aware’. I was just existing in massive amounts of fear. And I was trusting the mind, as the very thing that was placing me in that prison of fear, to make me ‘aware’ of the reality I exist in through knowledge and information. Which was more like a constant ‘reminder’ that I should exist in FEAR and that basically ‘reality = fear’.

While really, meanwhile, my actual SELF-awareness was suppressed. The self-awareness as in just the point of being ‘here’ and realizing ‘I am here’. The only awareness that’s real. That just gets locked away somewhere. Deemed ‘unimportant’. And ‘awareness’ gets hijacked by the mind by defining it within survival as fear. Where, to be ‘aware’ basically means that you must always fear your reality. You must always be on ‘high alert’, ready to protect and defend yourself against a possible attack. Like in the military, where you learn to fear your environment and use fear and adrenaline to survive.

I mean, the mind really is like you’re being programmed as a ‘soldier’. To never be relaxed and never ‘let go’. Never ‘let your guard down’. Always be on top of everything, always know what’s going on, always be ready to fight and always expect an attack. And above all, SURVIVE! And ‘awareness’ is just a tool within that fight for survival. Cause those who are the most ‘aware’, are the most ‘prepared’. I mean this is really some primitive programming. Like prehistoric, caveman type programming. But then, that’s the unconscious mind.

And I may never have been consciously aware of it, because I’ve lived a life of privilege wherein I was able to pretend as though survival isn’t something I need to worry about. But for plenty of beings in this reality, this is their conscious experience. Because we live in a world of inequality. Wherein some get to live in the future, while others still exist in the dark ages, or prehistoric times. It’s all still here.