That which we're all Looking for

This is a continuation of my previous post "You are a Threat to Me"

A quite ‘stubborn’ programming I have found for me is the ‘relationship programming’. Like there’s this sort of constant tendency to see and perceive ‘my relationship’ as ‘the answer’. Or perceive it as something that’s here to ‘support me’. Something that’s ‘good for me’. Something I can ‘trust’.

And then I’ll sort of feel ‘shocked’ whenever things happen that ‘expose’ patterns that are clearly not ‘best’ or ‘supportive’. And I’ll be like, “but I thought…!!” Because I was sort of trusting the belief and assumption that at the end of the day, a relationship is supposed to be something ‘good’. Something of ‘love’, and ‘support’, and ‘care’ and ‘understanding’. I mean isn’t that always the starting point of it? And well, yes it is, cause that’s what we’re all ‘looking for’.

But the reality is that a relationship is more just an ‘extension’ of the mind. Because relationships are also just ‘designs’ and ‘programs’. Relationships, just like the mind, were specifically designed and programmed to ensure that beings stay locked into their mind. They’re programmed to trigger and generate the mind, and so in a way a relationship is also just another ‘mind’, or like an added ‘layer’. And, just like the mind, it’s here to ‘test you’, to see if you will ‘stand’ as a being, through it all. It’s just basically more programming to make absolutely, extra, extra sure that you never ever realize yourself as life in and as the physical.

And yet, when it comes to relationships, there’s this like belief that ‘oh no it’s something good’. That ‘to be in a relationship is something positive and good’. So not entirely recognizing that, ‘no, it’s just programming. There’s nothing ‘special’ about this. It’s programming and it’s basically just another thing for you to transcend and not be influenced by in any way whatsoever.’

I mean lol, it’s interesting this programming of like believing that ‘a relationship is the answer’. It seems so ‘sneaky’ in a way. It just sort of ‘sneaks in’ and goes unquestioned mostly, up until that moment when shit hits the proverbial fan and you’re all like, “but I thought…!!”, and you realize you should have known better. That you should be questioning EVERYTHING. Cause literally EVERYTHING in and of this world is specifically designed and programmed to MAKE SURE that you are and remain safely locked into the mind and never realize yourself as life in and as the physical.

The Unwillingness to Give up on Something

This is a continuation of my previous post "I am a Pushover"

So when it comes to 'self-honesty', it's an interesting thing. Because, you'll only be 'self-honest' within the bounds of what you're 'willing' to be 'self-honest' about. There are things that you just won't want to 'touch'. Things that are so fueled by 'fear', that you're so afraid of 'losing', that you simply won't 'go there'. And things that are therefore 'veiled' from your own awareness.

Those are the things that make us 'evil'. Our points of 'possession'. Where we 'don't want to let go' of something. And there's a side of us that turns 'demonic' in a sense, as it tries to 'hide' and 'cling to' and 'safeguard' and 'defend', even from ourselves. Because no one, even ourselves, must ever 'touch' this point. Because that is how unwilling we are to 'give it up'.

We just can't even 'fathom' life without that point. It'll be our 'anchoring' point in this world. Like 'the one positive' that we have, and will cling to and defined tooth and nail. So it very much originates from like our 'deepest fear'. A fear we've come to accept and which we 'won't question'. Cause that point of fear is almost what the entirety of 'you' and 'your world' pivots around.

And then there's something that comes into your life and sort of gives you 'exactly what you were looking for'.  Your 'light in the darkness'. Your 'anchor'. Something that makes you feel less lost, makes you feel like you 'belong' and gives you a 'safe haven'. Something you accept as 'good' and therefore will never question the fear that's actually always been behind it.

And it's the things that are 'good' that we don't tend to question. The positive feelings. Cause, reality isn't 'good'. In fact, before this 'good' thing came into our lives, things were mostly 'bad'. And who wants to go back to that? So it takes a RADICAL level of self-honesty to start lifting that 'veil' and to start 'touching' that which would force us to face our deepest fear. To essentially let go of the 'one positive' and sort of plunge into that 'uncertainty' that's been hiding underneath.

Love is Not the Answer

This is a continuation of my previous post "Why DIP is the Bees Knees"

I got so 'hung up' on 'love', because it seemed to me to be the only thing that made 'sense' in this world. To love someone so truly and deeply and genuinely heartfelt, that I would almost literally 'place them in my heart'.

Basically it was this point of seeing how absolutely horrible this reality is. Seeing all the awful and terrible things that we human beings do to each other. All the immense suffering that exists in this world and that humans go through. And so deciding that 'love must be the answer'. After all, it seemed to be the one 'positive' thing that I could see. The one thing I felt could 'make it all alright'. To simply love someone 'with all my heart', and to carry that 'love' in my heart.

Cause I figured there has to be 'something' to sort of make up for the absolute shit-hole I was born into. And so I found this 'feeling' of 'love'. A 'feeling' that seemed to at least 'feel' like a 'glue' that 'connects' people together. And with all the 'disconnection' and separation that I was witnessing within reality, this was the only thing that did 'make sense' to me. At least 'something' that creates 'connection' and 'togetherness'.

But I am realizing now that 'love' is, in fact, NOT the answer. That I've been duped. Or rather, have duped myself. Or that at the VERY least, 'love' needs some serious reassessment. That it should, first of all, mean that I cannot just ignore the reality that is ACTUALLY here. It can't be a point of 'compensation' or 'making up for' or worse, a 'coping mechanism'.

The REALITY is that there is no 'connection' in this world. There is no 'togetherness'. At least not among human beings. In nature, perhaps. Nature 'more or less' has a sort of 'balance' or 'harmony'. A 'unity', that is definitely not a 'lovey dovey' kind of connection, but there is an inherent sense of 'working together' in nature. A sort of understanding of 'we're all in this together' and 'we're all part of the same thing'. That's why nature is 'nature' lol And we are just 'the human being'. That which does not 'fit in' or 'work together' or 'exist alongside with' or 'is equal to' pretty much ANYTHING ELSE.

And, there is no 'love' in nature. Just the point of 'Hey, we're all just here. Together.' And they don't try to 'escape' reality, within positive feelings like 'love'. They ARE reality. So they are just themselves. Just sort of 'here', pretty much 'waiting' until us human beings get 'here'. Until we let go of our illusions like 'love' and just 'get real', and come to grasps with the fact that, yes, reality is SHIT. That's what's here. Don't try to make something 'positive' out of it. Don't try to look for it, it's not there. Just be real and we'll take it from there.