Do you CARE?

 

This is a continuation of my previous post "I'd like to go back now please"

A point that I've been looking at recently, is to 'place myself first'. From the perspective that, I've realized that although I have always put my focus on who and how I am in relation to my environment, I need to actually be focusing on who and how I am in relation to myself. I never realized that, while I can be the sweetest, most gentle, understanding, supportive and careful person in relation to everybody around me, I am actually the meanest, most spiteful, nasty and hateful person in relation to myself. In terms of the thoughts and the energies and reactions that I allow and do onto myself is just awful, and it's all of the things that I would never allow myself to do onto anyone else.

Because I always believed that, as long as I am good to others, it really doesn't matter how I treat myself inside. Kind of thinking 'it's just me anyways, what does it matter'. Thinking/believing that I don't matter, that I come last and that all of my nastiness and spitefulness and hatefulness I can just take out on myself, where it apparently 'doesn't matter'. So I've come to realize that my process of proving myself to be 'worthy of life', is not in relation to others, but in relation to myself. My challenge is in relation to myself, which is what I've extensively taken for granted and neglected and abused throughout my life. I'm fine in relation to others lol, it's in relation to myself that I need to prove that I can be a 'decent' person. That I can be all the things that I am always trying so hard to be to everyone else. 

And so, this ushered in my process of 'placing myself first', of making a commitment with myself, and learning to prove to myself that I stand as what's best for all of life, as ME. But with that, an interesting point has come up. The point of 'care'. As in the belief that, if I'm going to be placing all my focus and attention on 'me' and am going to 'place myself first', that I will be 'selfish' and that it means that 'I don't care about anyone else'. So that's been a point of conflict that's come up within me. Of 'oh no, I don't want to be selfish!' I wouldn't want people to think that I don't care!

So I've had to ask myself - or realize - 'what is care really?' And what does it really mean to care? Cause when I am 'placing myself first', I'm not just placing 'me' in separation of everyone else first. I am placing 'life as me' first. So that means that what I am placing first, is the life that is within me and equally as one within everybody else. The 'life' that is at the core of each and every one. The life that, when it comes to human beings, is layered within the mind. Where we as humans may for instance believe that we 'care' because we participate within particular feeling/thought/emotional/behavioral constructs, yet actually if we really had a look, when it comes to 'life on earth in oneness and equality' we don't actually care. We don't actually do anything. We don't actually discuss solutions. We don't actually take action to bring about a world that is best for all. To bring about world change. 

So it's interesting, that that belief or perception exists, that to participate within thought/feeling/emotional/behavioral constructs and to 'be just like everybody else' means that I care - because I am apparently placing all of my focus on everybody around me and so apparently 'not being selfish'. Yet reality is actually in reverse, because at the end of the day if I have a look at my actions, I am not actually actively bringing about a world that is best for all, and so I don't actually care. Because if I really cared about life on earth, about the life within the 'life-forms' around me, then I would be taking action in every moment to address the MASSIVE problems we are facing in this world. I would NOT be 'like everybody else'. Because, 'everybody else' - or rather 'nobody else' - is actually talking about those problems. Nobody else seems to be taking anything seriously in terms of what's happening in this world and reality. 

Nobody else, or should I say me lol, within how I've always used to define the word 'care' - to only exist in the context of separation. In the context of only my family and my loved ones and close ones and immediate environment. As though I'm not entirely part of existence. Part of this world and part of life as a whole. Where care is more a construct of thoughts/feelings/emotions/behavior. More a sort of façade and something I BELIEVE I'm doing, yet am not ACTUALLY doing.

So to 'focus on me' and 'place myself first' - is more actually to focus on 'all of life' within and as me. To not be 'distracted' with just my immediate 'personal' environment. But to always place 'all of life' within me, within and as the point of 'oneness' - wherein yes I stand 'alone', as in 'all-one'. And yes I am 'selfish' but in the context of 'my-self-as-life' so it's a good kind of selfishness. It is a selfishness that's based within real CARE. 

And yes it certainly seems to be the exact reverse of what I always believed 'care' to be - in terms of ONLY being distracted by the people in my immediate environment, as MY family, MY friends and MY self, and sort of ruling out the rest of the world. And so it's the opposite of what I've basically learned throughout my life to believe is 'right'. Yet at the same time it is common sense and there is no denying that. It is just absolutely weird that it seems so far removed from the sort of 'human way of existing'. It is 'weird', yet it is the only thing that makes sense. Weird indeed.

Living in the System

Having listened to these two interviews, what stood out for me from it is essentially my relationship with 'the system'. How I'm essentially disconnecting myself from the world-system of 'survival'.

I mean, I spent over two years on the Desteni Farm, where I then met Paul, and pretty much right after leaving the Farm moved all the way to Canada to start my life with him. And I never actually considered or realized what a HUGE step that actually was for me. To go from one extreme to the other. From the farm, where I essentially enjoyed a life of unconditional support and relaxation and 'calm', to Canada, where everything, including my 'married life', was entirely new to me and I'd have to integrate into the system almost from the ground up.

I didn't realize back then what a massive amount of stress and pressure I actually started experiencing, especially when I started my first job there. So looking back, it's no surprise that shortly after I stepped into my first job in the system, I started having issues with my intestines.

And the thing is that, yes there was a lot of stress with being in that new environment. In a different system from what I was used to, having to speak a different language, being surrounded mostly by people I didn't know. But it was also the relationship that I had already come to create and establish with regards to 'the system' and 'living and working in the system', already way before that. Where even growing up and looking at my parents and grandparents I saw the way they lived and existed in so much stress and fear, where they'd become essentially 'systematized' in their very expressions because of it. And I decided within myself that I don't want that for myself. I don't want my 'spirit' to be 'crushed' and molded and shaped and transformed into a system like that. I want to remain a 'free spirit'.

I decided basically to reject 'the system', and to reject my parents' and grandparents' way of living. So I created as little 'ties' to the system as I could. Evading as much responsibility as possible. I 'vowed' that I wouldn't get married, I wouldn't get a degree and do the whole 'professional life' thing, I wouldn't have kids. I wouldn't do any of the things my parents did, so that I could remain 'free from getting sucked into the system'.

I mean, it's how I then ended up with Desteni lol, so I guess it wasn't all bad. But basically within making those decisions, I created a disconnect from the system AS me. Defining myself as entirely separate from 'the system', instead of realizing that it was never actually 'the system' that was the issue. The issue that I was reacting to with regards to my parents was their stress and fear which they allowed to define and direct and consume them. The fact that they didn't sort of have a 'freedom' about them, and their self-expressions. That so much of them was entirely encapsulated and enclosed by FEAR.

So I created a 'problem' out of the wrong thing, and therein ended up separating myself from myself as essentially my potential to be an effective and efficient living being in this world. By not realizing or considering that 'the system' cannot 'make me' go into fear and stress. And 'the system' is not responsible for that fear and stress. The fear and stress is my own choice in terms of what I accept and allow within and as me. 'The system' is just that; a system. It's a sort of structure or place-holder for 'life on earth'. A collection of 'agreements' that might allow for us all to 'live together'. Not saying that right now we've got a functioning structure lol, but it's got potential.

So, now having this already 'broken' relationship, of 'rejection' and judgment, with 'the system', just created added stress within me as I started living in the system - being in a married relationship, and performing in a job. Now I'm not just working with whatever fears and stress I may have unconsciously copied from my parents in relation to the system, but I'm also dealing with my own stressful and emotionally charged relationship with words like 'wife', 'being a worker', 'survival', 'having a job', 'having a career', 'professionalism', 'earning money', 'paying bills', 'getting by', 'being part of society', 'doing my duties'.

So I've got some 'balancing out' and 'clearing out' and 'aligning' to do in relation to the system and specifically my accepted and allowed relationship with these words, so that my relationship with it is not one of fear but one of oneness and equality - recognizing the system as an extension of myself  and standing in and as my potential to be an effective and efficient living being in and as this world(-system).

I am Not Special

This is a continuation of my previous post "The Self-Interest Demon"

When it comes to process, things are in a way 'predetermined' within the principle of 'if I were in your shoes I would have lived the exact same life'. Like what process 'is', is life sort of taking back it's power and realizing itself through us as beings. So where previously our lives were 'predetermined' based on mind consciousness system programming, now they're predetermined based on life and what it takes for life to birth itself in the physical. It's sort of just a shift in 'starting point' for existence, in terms of 'why' we live the lives that we do.

So, everything is 'specific'. No one is 'special'. In fact, if I had lived your life, I would have made the exact same decisions you have, I would have come to the same conclusions and realized the same things. And the only reason any of us are 'walking process' or are 'destonians' is because of our 'location points'. With what you've walked in your life, in your preprogramming, and in your existence, with where and how you grew up, that's what made you 'hear' the Desteni message. Not because you're 'special'. But because of your unique 'location point' in existence. Anyone in your shoes would have been the same.

So is there such a thing as 'free choice'? Yes and no. Like you can always 'choose' self-interest I guess, but that 'choice' in itself exists within and as the mind. So it's not really 'you' as the directive principle anyways. So like, yeah, everything is specific. And that's oneness and equality isn't it? As LIFE. No 'specialness', no 'separation', no 'competition', no 'individuality'. Just 'all as one as equal', as ME. Like, it's already HERE. We just haven't realized it yet.

Building Heaven on Earth

This is a continuation of the previous post "To be Present"

Especially in relation to the group I was not seeing and realizing how I'm really living. And by 'the group', I mean 'life on earth'. I was totally oblivious that I had been separating myself and had moved further and further away from the group. And that I had come to live and exist in 'the illusion of self'.

The 'illusion of self' is where you start paying more attention to your 'self' than to 'the group', or rather where your 'self' exists as something separate from 'the group'. Where you don't realize that really, the group is all that exists. There is actually no 'self'. Or that, self IS the group and the group IS self. There's no distinction and no separation.

Only when self is the group and the group is self will you place the group before yourself and will you place another before yourself. As long as 'self' exists as a separate entity we can never manifest a heaven on earth because we're unable and unwilling to set aside our personal wants, needs and desires to do what needs to be done.

The 'self' will always 'want, need and desire' and will always place those 'wants, needs and desires' before anything else. The only reason our systems are so fucked up in this world is because it all exists and revolves around protecting and safeguarding the 'self'. It's not about the group, it's about 'self'. But, the problem is that no one can really agree on anything because all of our 'selves' are so different, depending on your religion, language, upbringing, social standing and background. There is so much separation in this world and so many people fighting for their separation that all we're left with is inequality and conflict.

The only solution is to recognize 'the group' AS 'self'. Instead of asking ourselves, "what can or must the group do for ME?", we need to ask ourselves "What can I do for the group?" And within that we need to realize and understand that what we do for the group as life, we do for ourselves because we are part of that group. When we take care of the group, we are taking care of ourselves as part of that group. When we build a heaven on earth for all of life on earth, we are building one for ourselves.

 Changing inequality and conflict starts with placing the group before self. With having a genuine care for the group and for all beings in the group. We also need to realize that when we try to protect and safeguard our wants needs and desires from others and separate ourselves therein from the group, we are not actually safeguarding anything. If we don't safeguard life then what are we left with? What will be left of our wants, needs and desires when there is no more life on earth?