Support

 

 This is a continuation of my previous post "Emergency color Reading"

I’ve been finding myself in this point of feeling like ‘I’ve got nothing to write about’ as the apparent reason why I haven’t been writing blogs consistently lately. Thinking that oh well maybe I’m just ‘processing things’ and ‘that’s why’. But, knowing the mind lol, that’s probably not why. Because, knowing the mind, it’ll always come up with new ways, new excuses, justifications and ‘reasons’ to get me to not simply do the things that are supportive. The things that are best. Like writing and blogging consistently.

So with this point of ‘not knowing what to write’, trying to force it, as in looking for topics or trying to ‘get myself to’ write about something, usually doesn’t get me anywhere, other than back to the same point of ‘not being able to’ write about anything. Where I’ll for instance start writing about some point I’ve been struggling with or looking at, but then that soon starts to feel like it’s just not quite ‘the’ point. Like usually when I write a blog, or when I do personal writing as well, there will be ‘a point’ that sort of ‘opens up’. And it will be clear and the words just flow, because it’s what is ‘here’. It’s ‘the point’.

But in these moments of ‘writer’s block’, it seems that no matter which ‘point’ I try to address and open up and write about, it’s just not quite ‘the point’. I am not quite ‘on point’. So then, after a little while of accepting this ‘writer’s block’, and the reasons, excuses and justifications in the mind that come with it, I finally realized or thought to myself, ‘oh, maybe the point of not having anything to write about is the point to write about’. Maybe there is something there that needs to be opened up, in terms of why it is I’m feeling this way or what might be ‘getting in the way’ of me simply doing my writing. And lo and behold, the words are flowing again lol.

So, what is it that’s self-honestly been getting in the way of my writing lately? Maybe the point of not really wanting to be self-honest. As in, not really wanting to ‘face’ or ‘see’ myself. So what of myself is it that I am not wanting to face or see? Is there anything that I am feeling guilty or shameful about? Something I have been judging myself for?

Interestingly, what it looks like is that I feel like I have been ‘slacking’ in my support of the group. Have not been doing certain things I had committed myself to do as points of support for the group. Simple points, like showing up for chats or reading blogs. So there is a ‘shame’ there that I haven’t been living up to my commitments and that in a way I’ve gone into a point of ‘neglectfulness’. Not recognizing or realizing the relevance and importance of these seemingly ‘small’ actions. ‘Small’ actions of support that contribute to and support ‘the group’. Because I’ve more been focusing on ‘myself’. Placing more importance on MY achievements and MY successes and MY life. And within that obviously disregarding the importance of the group.

Kind of seeing my actions and myself as an ‘island’ rather than realizing that the relevance and importance of my actions exists within how it supports the group. There is no ‘me as island’. That is the illusion of consciousness. In the illusion of consciousness it’s all about personal glorification, while the world burns, basically. The belief that my actions are my own, and the ‘rewards’ of my actions are my own, and I owe nothing to the group. While it’s all the reverse, as we don’t recognize all the ways that the group has been and is supporting us within all our ‘endeavors’. That, without the group, we wouldn’t be here. We wouldn’t even exist.

So basically I’ve been accepting and allowing thoughts to seep into my mind of personal glorification. Looking for personal recognition for my actions, successes and achievements and evolving my ‘I as consciousness’ through thinking about myself. Through comparing myself, and competing with others. Looking for a sense of ‘victory’, of value and worth, through my accomplishments.

So it’s interesting that I’ve clearly come to define words like value and worth, in the context of ‘competition’ and ‘comparison’. Where in fact my whole starting point in relation to ‘the group’ is that I am already inferior from the get go, and that I must prove my value and worth through the accomplishments and achievements I can prove to the group. Because obviously I am not experiencing unconditional support from the group. Unconditional support as in, it doesn’t matter what your accomplishments or achievements or successes are, you are supported as a member of the group in oneness and equality with everyone else in the group.

And with that, we’ve come full circle as I will obviously only ‘receive’ what I ‘give’. So if I want unconditional support, then I will have to give it first. And what that means is to stop comparing, stop competing. To ‘be there for’ everyone equally and not measure one person against another. To basically not have that prerequisite of ‘prove your worth first!’, where ‘support’ becomes synonymous with the ‘support’ that we give our celebrities in this world, which is more a sort of mix between inferiority and admiration. Of yeah I ‘support’ you, as in I give you all my attention and money. But it’s not unconditional because as soon as that celebrity isn’t popular anymore or they grow old or whatever, they lose all that apparent ‘support’ they were getting. So that kind of ‘support’ is more based on energy and so isn’t real.

So what kind of support would I like for myself? What would be best for me? That’s what I must start giving to others. In the principle of giving as I’d like to receive. Support that is equal, trustworthy, consistent, constant and unconditional. Where I basically must start becoming a lot more ‘considerate’ and ‘aware’ of others. Becoming a lot more in tune with who other people are so as to assess the kind of ‘support’ that they need. Because ‘equal’ and ‘unconditional’ doesn’t mean ‘all the same thing’. It means within consideration of each being individually and what is best for that being.

Overwhelmed with Self-judgment

This is a continuation of my previous post "The Capitalist Mind-Set"

Every once in a while there’ll be this point coming up in my mind of like thinking that I’ve been replaced in process and then I’ll suddenly feel just very ‘down’ on myself and actually even go into this downward spiral of thinking where I just perceive myself as this complete ‘failure’. As ‘unworthy’ to even exist because I’ve apparently ‘failed’ in my ‘purpose’. Because yes I wouldn’t say my process so far has been ‘smooth sailing’ or hasn’t been like a straight line of consistent application. Even though yes I’ve always ‘been there’, walking with Desteni, I’ve abdicated responsibility on points, gone into ‘revenge of the ego’ and sort of turned a blind eye to specific ‘positive’ experiences that I was participating in.

And it’s like in that one moment, ALL the judgment in my mind comes up and just floods over me and I feel just overwhelmed with self-judgment, self-doubt, and self-rejection. Absolutely convinced that yes I am ‘unworthy’ because oh look at all the ways in which I am not who and how I believe I should be right now.

So clearly I am not having much ‘appreciation’ for myself. More looking at all the ‘bad’ and using that to define me, rather than looking at how to simply support myself. And also not having much appreciation for others as I use other people to compare myself and compete, and subsequently apparently ‘failing’, rather than simply appreciating what I can learn from people and how I can use others within who and how they are, to learn and grow and change and become a better person.

So kind of stepping out of that ‘competitive’ mind-set wherein life actually sort of feels like a war-zone and it’s ‘every man for himself’ and it’s ‘do or die’ and you ‘can’t fall behind’ and ‘gotta keep up’ and everybody around you is basically your enemy. And where it’s like you only get one shot and either you get it right or you fail and die a failure. Where there’s basically no such thing as ‘support’ or ‘compassion’ or ‘cooperation’. And you feel like you’re just a lone soldier standing alone and isolated on a cold battlefield.

But that’s the mind. The mind is all about that life. All about competition and comparison and a ‘fight to the death’. And it’s a challenge to change that to how things could be and to what is actually best for all.  Which is to exits in simply an appreciation of life. And within that appreciation, you get to learn from others and so grow and change and become better, through others. Where in fact there’s only the principle of ‘none are free until all are free’, and so you work together, learn from each other, support each other and take care of each other and you stand in ONENESS and EQUALITY.

I am Not Special

This is a continuation of my previous post "The Self-Interest Demon"

When it comes to process, things are in a way 'predetermined' within the principle of 'if I were in your shoes I would have lived the exact same life'. Like what process 'is', is life sort of taking back it's power and realizing itself through us as beings. So where previously our lives were 'predetermined' based on mind consciousness system programming, now they're predetermined based on life and what it takes for life to birth itself in the physical. It's sort of just a shift in 'starting point' for existence, in terms of 'why' we live the lives that we do.

So, everything is 'specific'. No one is 'special'. In fact, if I had lived your life, I would have made the exact same decisions you have, I would have come to the same conclusions and realized the same things. And the only reason any of us are 'walking process' or are 'destonians' is because of our 'location points'. With what you've walked in your life, in your preprogramming, and in your existence, with where and how you grew up, that's what made you 'hear' the Desteni message. Not because you're 'special'. But because of your unique 'location point' in existence. Anyone in your shoes would have been the same.

So is there such a thing as 'free choice'? Yes and no. Like you can always 'choose' self-interest I guess, but that 'choice' in itself exists within and as the mind. So it's not really 'you' as the directive principle anyways. So like, yeah, everything is specific. And that's oneness and equality isn't it? As LIFE. No 'specialness', no 'separation', no 'competition', no 'individuality'. Just 'all as one as equal', as ME. Like, it's already HERE. We just haven't realized it yet.

I'm just a Player in the Game

This is a continuation of my previous post "I can be Evil if I Wanted to"

And like, as long as there exists 'competition' in you, as in 'comparison', you're GONNA always be the 'loser' lol. Cause it's the point you have to eventually face as the 'consequence' of your 'creation'. So if you think you're 'winning', you're definitely losing. So, best to just stay out of that game and just not compare yourself at all. Because, comparison is in fact a sure way for you to abdicate SELF-responsibility. To lose sight of your 'self'.

'Comparison' creates this illusion that somehow we're not just creating and deciding EVERYTHING about ourselves and about how we exist in every singular moment. As though our existence is somehow decided and created by something else. And we're all just sort of existing by a 'luck of the draw'. In one big 'game' or 'competition', wherein we thus must compete against each other to 'make it to the end'. Whatever that 'end' may be.

And you basically believe that, "oh but, I didn't do this. I didn't choose any of this. I'm just a player in this big game, at the mercy of the 'rules' of the game which I certainly did not decide." When, I mean, you DID in fact decide all of it, you just haven't been honest with yourself about it. And at this point, there's just layers and layers of self-dishonesty. So, yes, now, it is going to have to be a 'process' for you walk through and 'peel off' all those layers so you can realize, "oh, lol, I DID create all of it."

And it's quite unfortunate actually. Because yes, there is an 'innocence'. In that, how we've come to create ourselves was very much sort of 'programmed' or 'impulsed' by the 'world' we grew up in. The reality we happened to have been born into. But at the same time there is a responsibility, and that is the point we have always missed. And so, here we are.