I can be Evil if I Wanted to

This is a continuation of my previous post "In it but not Of it"

Do you know why there are full-blown 'psychopaths' and 'sociopaths' and 'abusers' in this world? Cause it exists in all of us. And I'm not talking about the 'innocent' stuff, like jealousy, or anger or rage. Which is more like these 'intense emotions' that take us over and, if pushed just a little further over that edge, might drive us to 'murder' someone for example, sure.

I'm talking about the pure 'inhuman', 'incomprehensible' and 'pure evil' type of 'cruelty'. The kind of cruelty that is 'unwarranted'. That's not necessarily fueled by 'emotions' or 'reactions', but is born from purely just the 'ability' to 'do evil'. A point of 'spitefulness' born from our 'freedom' to 'choose'. It's a very 'small', and seemingly 'irrelevant' point within us. But it's there.

I mean it's basically the consequence of not ever having existed in self-responsibility. And if you'd strip us down, that's all that's really left. That 'vile', secret, spiteful energy of 'I can be evil if I wanted to'. 'Free choice'. It's in fact a sort of pure hate  that comes from never having really existed. From the awareness of the extent to which we have abdicated ourselves as beings. Which at this point really is the only thing that's 'real' about us.

It's the awareness deep, deep down, that all we've ever existed as, all we've ever 'been good for' is to just charge these systems that are in fact the opposite of who we really are. So it's like all our compressed shame, anger, disappointment and disempowerment with ourselves channeled into the one point of 'spitefulness'. Sort of like we're saying "can't be my true self, so might as well just be evil". It's the ultimate having 'given up' on ourselves.

And if we can't be honest with ourselves about that point, then we can't possibly be 'real'. Then nothing of what we do or who we believe ourselves to be, is real. If we can't come to grips with how 'fucked' we actually are. And how 'unlikely' it actually is for us to ever be 'life'.