This is a continuation of my previous post "Are you Changing on a Physical Level?"
A programming that I have lived in my life is that of a 'performing monkey' lol You know one of those monkey's used by street artists where the monkey has to dance or perform some stupid trick - and it does that because that's the only way to get any food from it's owner?
I've been working with my 'desire for recognition' and when I looked at "what's behind this?", that's what I found lol The 'performing monkey' programming. A conditioning to 'perform' in order to 'get what I want and need'. There's a strong 'need to survive' behind it. Like the monkey you see performing tricks. It's not doing that because it likes the attention or it likes to 'show off'. It's doing that because that's what it has to do to survive.
So imagine my surprise upon seeing this programming 'hiding' behind the desire for recognition. Surprise because, clearly I have become the 'performing monkey' to such an extent that I've forgotten all about the fact that it's not actually 'me'. I don't ACTUALLY want the recognition or attention. I'm doing it for survival. That's where it all started. That's why I started doing it.
Imagine the acceptance of oneself as a slave that has to take place for that monkey to actually believe that it's 'enjoying' the attention. Not just acceptance of oneself as a slave but most importantly the overwhelming despair and hopelessness that would drive that monkey to 'forget' it's real reason for doing what it's doing.
It's very sad really. I did not realize I was living such a sad story. A sadness that feels more like a 'pit of despair'.
Will that monkey ever be able to stop performing? Will it ever realize that its 'owner' is long gone so it doesn't have to perform anymore? Will it ever drop the fear of survival and take a chance on life the way it always should have been?
Well, this monkey is at least starting to realize it's sad, shackled little life that it's been living. And, that's a start isn't it?
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