Fighting for Righteousness

This is a continuation of my previous post "My Mind, My Savior"

A righteous warrior. It's a sort of self-deceptive starting point that tends to 'sneak in', with regards to walking process specifically. It's like a 'fighting for self-honesty' lol, because on some level you know you're actually self-dishonest. On some level there are things you don't actually want to be honest about, so you turn 'self-honesty' into a 'crusade'.

In a way it's been the starting point of these blogs I've been writing. Almost like a tendency to want to place my focus on 'all the things I'm doing' that 'prove' my 'righteousness', rather than focusing on ACTUALLY being SELF-honest. Focusing more on my SELF than the 'image' of me as 'righteous'.

It's like the crusaders who went out to do deeds and wage wars and perform quests in the name of spiritual righteousness. So they would be the ones to ALWAYS be 'right'. They could never be 'questioned' because they 'walk the path' the loudest and the brightest of all. Waging a 'holy war' with them being on the 'winning side'. The side of 'good'.

But it needs to be asked 'why?' Why the 'intensity'? Why the 'absoluteness'? Why the 'fight'? Why so loud? What are the things you're suppressing and are avoiding to look at? What are you 'fighting' to get away from?

Cause the real reason you're fighting is cause you feel 'small', inferior and insecure. And these are things about you that you're not 'accepting'. And so you fight like a wild animal, protecting and hiding your 'weaknesses'. Trying to convince others to 'respect' you, and not to 'mess with you'. Because you don't want those insecurities to be triggered and you don't want to have to face them. Cause you've on some level decided that this is a part of you that you just cannot transcend. Because in fact, you fear it so completely.