Wednesday, May 6, 2020
The WARRIOR Programming
This is a continuation of my previous post "Becoming aware of my ANGER"
I mean I always believed that this point of resistance when I look within myself is who I really am. This huge resistance in relation to myself. Because it has the 'Kim' signature. And a Kim is a Chinese warrior, at least that's what I read in a dictionary at some point. And because it had the 'Kim' signature on it I thought 'oh it must be me, cause I'm Kim'. And so accepted the programming as 'who I really am. And never considered that even my name is a programming and that thus anything with my name's signature on it is thus also a programming.
It's actually a sort of resistance to 'desires' or even pleasure and enjoyment. That's why I resist sex and masturbation. I am very good at denying myself things. But I am not good at giving myself things. Because anytime I try to 'open up' and access a point of pleasure or enjoyment or even desire, during sex for instance, there's just this 'programming' inside of me that keeps saying "No! This is not for me!" The programming of the warrior, who believes that their purpose is to fight so that other people may experience pleasure and enjoyment and desires. Where I feel as though I am abandoning my purpose if I were to allow myself to 'indulge' in desires/pleasure/enjoyment. Like I'm 'abandoning my post'. Cause I'm supposed to be the one who stands guard. I'm supposed to be the one who lays down their own life for the sake of others. So therefore, indulging in pleasure/enjoyment/desire would be dishonorable. As in me dishonoring my 'purpose' and that which gives my life and existence 'meaning'.
And for a warrior, 'honor' is a big thing. They live by it. If it wasn't for this 'honor' point, they wouldn't be warriors. They wouldn't have accepted the role of 'warrior'. And I mean sure, honor is pretty cool. It's basically the principle of 'doing what's necessary to be done'. But I mean... There's nothing truly 'honorable' about why and how this 'honor' has been used. In terms of why it is that warriors throughout history laid down their lives. It was all for meaningless wars and conflicts and just humans fighting over self-interest and ego. There was never anything honorable about that because it never honored life. And now here we are. With all those warriors throughout history waging all those wars in the name of 'honor' - and yet we find ourselves in the most dishonorable existence imaginable.
All because one key element was missing within 'honor': self-responsibility. Honor without asking questions about what you are doing and why is useless. If honor means to kill and murder and destroy and fight others, and die in the process, then what are you really doing? Then what kind of world and reality are you even really fighting and dying for and what does it all really mean? You don't honor life through killing and destroying and fighting. You honor life by living it. By celebrating and enjoying it, and making sure that you are living in such a way which ensures that all life-forms are able to celebrate and enjoy life. It's pretty much the principle of 'make love, not war'. Those damn hippies were on to something.