Monday, May 4, 2020
This is a continuation of my previous blog "Fear of the Homeless"
Why don't I see 'taking care of myself' and 'doing what is necessary to be done to change the world', like blogging, vlogging, coaching, etc., as also 'my job'?
I mean, why do I keep on expecting or waiting for myself to somehow 'want to do it', rather than forcing myself to do it in the same way I force myself to get up everyday to go to work and do the work that's necessary to be done at my 'job'?
Nobody said that 'changing the world' is something I have to 'like' or even 'want' lol. It's just 'what's necessary to be done'. Just like with any job. You gotta get up every morning, and wash yourself, put clothes on, get in your car, drive to work and then spend like eight hours doing all sorts of stuff and following all sorts of orders and instructions. And that's like eight, nine, ten hours a day!
And, yes, it's unfortunate that the job you do doesn't already include or exist in the context of what is best for all. And that, outside of those ten hours a day that we spend on our 'system job', we have to now also work on changing that system, which requires equal dedication, commitment and consistency as your 'system job'. It also requires us to 'show up' every day and 'do the work'. Because, if it relies on what we 'want' or 'like' or 'feel like' doing, it's just not going to get done. Just like, most likely, if you showing up to your job everyday relied on what you felt like doing, you probably wouldn't do it. Or you'd at least probably show up later, work less, and put less effort into it.
And yes I do see the time that I am not at work as my 'leisure time'. The time I need to 'recharge'. By doing the things that I WANT to do, rather than HAVE TO do. And so I will fit in doing things like blogging and vlogging, doing my Mind Construct and working on my coaching business according to what I 'feel like' doing, rather than sort of scheduling it in the way that I do my job - where it's also a point of 'have to'. Where I HAVE TO show up at a certain time to do certain things and get a certain 'job done'. And where I can't just wander off, distracting myself with other things, just like I can't do that at my system job.
The way I see it, this 'need for leisure time' outside of work, is more a consequence of me not actually taking proper care of myself WHILE I am at work. Where I often for instance over-exert myself in my tasks, or don't take a bathroom/lunch/food break when my body is actually asking for it or when I reasonably can and should. And where I am just overall not very comfortable or settled within myself, and so am in a sort of constant state of 'stress' or 'tension'. And it's only when I get home that all that tension and stress 'releases' and I feel like now I get to 'relax' and 'get comfortable'.
But then that 'relaxation' and 'comfort' just goes overboard and into the extreme as it tries to compensate for the excessive amounts of stress and tension I was placing myself under all day. While, ideally, I should be stable, comfortable and relaxed all day, so that when I come home there isn't that sense of RELIEF, because I wouldn't NEED it.
Because really, within this polarity of STRESS AND TENSION while at work and then ABSOLUTE RELAXATION AND COMFORT when I'm home, I'm actually two times a slave. I am a wage-slave as I slave away at my job, and I am a slave to whatever points of 'entertainment' I believe I need to 'unwind' and 'chill out'. But above all, I am a slave to the mind, as within neither points, I am really 'alive'. I'm just a slave to energy.
So essentially, what I need is 'balance'. A little bit of the structure and dedication and 'have to' from my system job into my time outside of work, and a little bit of the relaxation and comfort from my time outside of work into my system job. Balancing it out. So that, in a way it doesn't matter what I do or where I do it. Whether it's labeled 'work' or 'leisure time'. What matters is that I am balanced on the inside. And that 'balance' isn't this energy-game that I play between 'stress' and 'relaxation', but that it's actually something that I live in a constant and consistent way. Within properly taking care of myself in every moment, no matter where I am or what I am doing. And so essentially not treating myself like 'just a slave', but honoring myself through listening to my real physical needs. 'Doing the work' and 'doing what's necessary to be done', but at the same time also taking care of myself and making sure that I am comfortable and relaxed and not placing any pressure or tension or stress on myself.