I Am a Pushover

This is a continuation of my previous post "I Don't Want the Spotlight"

The more I am 'getting to know' myself, the more I'm realizing that I'm sort of a 'push-over' lol. Like a 'super-softie'. To the point where, I have trouble 'getting angry' or 'fighting back'. And I always thought I was being a 'weakling' because of that. And that I need to 'toughen up' sort of, and 'fight back' and 'stand up for myself', and 'have some character'. And I'd essentially 'judge myself' for being so...'easy' lol. Like you could just do anything with me and I wouldn't resist or fight back.

Surely I 'should have some backbone' and 'have some spunk in me'. And that's what anybody would tell you. But you know what? What if it's 'ok' for me to be like this? I mean what if that 'spunk' or 'backbone' or 'character' simply does not exist in me? Is that really so bad?

I'm starting to consider that there's maybe not actually anything 'wrong' with being 'soft' and 'gentle' and 'kind'. I mean it's kind of nice actually. I don't mind it lol. Why have 'sharp edges'? Is that REALLY 'necessary'? Sure in this world it does seem 'necessary', but it's not what's actually 'best'. But it's almost like us humans have 'embraced' that like 'harshness'. A 'reactiveness'. That point of like 'having character', as in like having some kind of 'expression' that you have to sort of 'fight for' in a way. where our 'communication' is almost like a 'fighting' for and with our 'expression' and 'character'.

So in the eyes of 'this world', yeah, I'm a big ol' 'pushover'. I 'lack character' and it's almost as though I don't even really 'exist' because of it. BUT I'm learning that, instead of judging it, and trying to change it, I need to actually just 'accept' it. Cause I mean at the end of the day, it's 'me'. And maybe I may not 'exist' in 'this world', but I do exist for me. And that's good enough.