The Unwillingness to Give up on Something

This is a continuation of my previous post "I am a Pushover"

So when it comes to 'self-honesty', it's an interesting thing. Because, you'll only be 'self-honest' within the bounds of what you're 'willing' to be 'self-honest' about. There are things that you just won't want to 'touch'. Things that are so fueled by 'fear', that you're so afraid of 'losing', that you simply won't 'go there'. And things that are therefore 'veiled' from your own awareness.

Those are the things that make us 'evil'. Our points of 'possession'. Where we 'don't want to let go' of something. And there's a side of us that turns 'demonic' in a sense, as it tries to 'hide' and 'cling to' and 'safeguard' and 'defend', even from ourselves. Because no one, even ourselves, must ever 'touch' this point. Because that is how unwilling we are to 'give it up'.

We just can't even 'fathom' life without that point. It'll be our 'anchoring' point in this world. Like 'the one positive' that we have, and will cling to and defined tooth and nail. So it very much originates from like our 'deepest fear'. A fear we've come to accept and which we 'won't question'. Cause that point of fear is almost what the entirety of 'you' and 'your world' pivots around.

And then there's something that comes into your life and sort of gives you 'exactly what you were looking for'.  Your 'light in the darkness'. Your 'anchor'. Something that makes you feel less lost, makes you feel like you 'belong' and gives you a 'safe haven'. Something you accept as 'good' and therefore will never question the fear that's actually always been behind it.

And it's the things that are 'good' that we don't tend to question. The positive feelings. Cause, reality isn't 'good'. In fact, before this 'good' thing came into our lives, things were mostly 'bad'. And who wants to go back to that? So it takes a RADICAL level of self-honesty to start lifting that 'veil' and to start 'touching' that which would force us to face our deepest fear. To essentially let go of the 'one positive' and sort of plunge into that 'uncertainty' that's been hiding underneath.