ever since becoming a mom, my menstruation pains have been increasing in intensity, where I sometimes get these really sharp deep lower pelvic pains. The latest one prompted me to look into the point in terms of investigating the mind and body relationship and what of the mind is in fact manifested in and as this particular pain, so that I can assist and support myself to release the pain through releasing and changing the mind point.
What I found is that the point that is there is this strange ‘suppression of care’, and is part of my overall design of ‘not accepting myself’. My ‘care’ and how I live it is very much in a ‘hidden’ kind of way, as in very mental/emotional. So instead of living care as a self-expression on a physically lived level, it’s all just energy reactions and thoughts in the mind – which isn’t even real care at all, it’s just worry/fear/anxiety.
So this pain is another pain related to self-acceptance that is pushing me to honor and live and accept myself on a physical level, within living the word ‘care’ for instance in this case – rather than staying ‘introverted’ within emotions and thoughts where I am not in fact living the thing that I think and believe I am living(like ‘care’).
Here it is thus also important to investigate “why am I not accepting and allowing myself to live the word care on a physical level?” and “why did I decide to only live the emotional/mental version of apparent ‘care’, which isn’t actually care at all?”
I seem to remember that when I was younger I was quite keen on caring for my little brother or my dolls or other children. I had no trouble expressing my desire to ‘care’, to be a ‘mommy’ and have someone/something to care for. So what was it then that caused me to no longer cherish, accept and express this ability and desire to care that is clearly very much there?
What comes up is an experience of awkwardness around how I expressed my care, where I felt like I ‘wasn’t supposed to’ care for my brother as I was not actually his ‘mommy’, even though I wanted to play mommy. I wanted to help out and care for my brother the way my mother cared for him. I don’t necessarily have any memories that come up of being told not to, I just have this ‘awkward’ experience as a reservedness connected with a thought and a belief that “I mustn’t care for my brother because he is HER child, not MINE”, as though I overstepped a boundary somewhere expressing something that I wasn’t righteously allowed to express, based on boundaries like ‘what’s mine’ and ‘what’s not mine’.
There is an assertiveness within the expression of ‘care’ that I have been holding back throughout most of my life as I’ve believed that it’s only reserved for those who have the ‘authority’ and therefore the ‘permission’ to express and embody that assertiveness. I as a child, as what I’ve been for most of my life, did not sense I had any such ‘authority’, as I was not a ‘mother’ or ‘teacher’ or otherwise had no ‘position of authority or leadership’, and so I believed it was not my place to express any such ‘assertive care’ that I clearly did WANT to express.
What is interesting is that even now that I do ‘have a child’ and ‘am a mother’, I am still holding back in being assertive and expressing my care as there is still a part of me that feels as though it’s not ‘permitted’. So it seems that I have created a belief/judgment that to express care(in that assertive way) is ‘wrong’ as it’s not ‘my right’ to express. With that also creating a belief that ‘care’ should therefore be an ‘internal’ kind of thing. Something I can only experience on a mental/emotional/feeling level – through for instance experiencing excessive worry/anxiety/fear. There is then also a belief that ‘care’ is defined to be this feeling experience that I feel for instance when I think about my daughter. So care has not been understood to be what it is as a living expression/word in the physical, as it has been defined in and as emotions and feelings which thus have been having an impact on the physical body and at this point are causing physical pain.
So the solution here then being to redefine care and start living it on an physical level. So what would it be to live care on a physical level? For one thing it would be to not ‘over-specialize’ through excessive thinking – where I am funneling all of my attention and energy onto one person within my constant incessant emotional worrying about my daughter(even when there isn’t necessarily anything ‘wrong’ with her per se). It would be to rather place my attention where it is needed, those in this world who do need more support and care and attention, because there are many. To recognize that my efforts and impact extent much further than my own family and that ‘my world’ isn’t just these few people in my life but extends to all the beings whose lives are touched by my actions.
That is just what comes up right now as an initial assessment or definition of the word care as a physical expression rather than a feeling/emotion. Although that then again brings up the fear or the resistance/reservation in relation to that point of asserting/expressing care. So that is then the pertinent point to take on with self-forgiveness in order to properly direct an effective living of care – to not remain stuck for the rest of my life in this strange point of fear that would cause me to become ‘introverted’ and turn ‘care’ into a feeling/emotion rather than an expression.
For this blog I will leave it up to here, just to share the gist of how I work with these kind of physical points that crop up in the form of sudden pains. The self-forgiveness I’ll be walking I can share in a later blog for interest sake.
I work with identifying the mind/body relationship professionally as a Quantum Change Kinesiologist and walk with individuals as support. This blog is an example of the process that is walked to identify and properly direct a mind/body point, through and from the starting point of for instance a physical pain that’s experienced. Please reach out for perspective and support through https://www.facebook.com/quantumchangekinesiology or Facebook Messenger.
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