This is a continuation of my previous blog "The Harm and Damage Energy does to the Body"
It’s hard to believe that after over ten years of walking
with desteni and applying self-forgiveness DAILY, that I’m only now really
starting to understand what the word ‘forgiveness’ actually means lol. I mean
of course I did look at the word before and tried to define it, but only now
did I REAL-EYES what the word is as a LIVING WORD.
And it started with me noticing and recognizing this
tendency I have to believe that I am ‘doomed’. Like, something will come up, or
I will face something about myself that I hadn’t realized before. And for a
moment I’m like ‘omg I’m so evil for doing this or being this way’. Which,
yeah, fair enough, it’s true. I AM or HAVE BEEN ‘evil’, because, the mind is
simply evil. Everything about our human
existence is ‘evil’, so yeah, when I start getting honest with myself, I’m
gonna see some shit.
But I noticed that in the back of my mind, there is also a
lot of resistance and reluctance to seeing the ‘shit’. Even though there’s a
commitment to be as self-honest as I can be, there’s always at the same time
been this strong resistance to really SEE the reality of myself. Because there’s
this belief that I am effectively ‘damned’. That, in other words I do not have
the ability to simply ‘change’, but that rather I am defined by whatever I am
seeing and realizing. And that, when I see something ‘evil’ about myself, that
means I AM evil.
So when I saw this point of ‘damnation’ within my mind I was
like, ‘wait a minute, where’s my forgiveness??’ Why is it that even with all
those years of applying and walking self-forgiveness, there’s still this belief
within me that when it comes to the ‘evil’ inside me I can’t simply see it,
realize it, forgive it and change? That somehow I must fear it because
apparently I am ‘doomed’??
Which made me realize that clearly it’s within how I have
and still actually am DEFINING the word ‘forgiveness’. Defining it as something
that I cannot truly in fact give to myself. Something that I must strive to,
and prove myself worthy of. Where, I must first prove that I am ‘good’ in order
to ‘deserve forgiveness’. Lol, which is just crazy actually. I’ve defined ‘forgiveness’
in and as the religious construct in the mind. In terms of it being something
that exists sort of in the ‘spirit realm’. Something that isn’t just HERE,
directly accessible to me, but exists in some alternate dimension which I
cannot actually get to.
It’s the accepted conditioning of the word as connected with
the story of Jesus and the Bible and God and all that. All STORIES which really
have nothing to do with actual practical reality. With what’s HERE. It’s more
in the principle of ‘after you die’. Things like ‘forgiveness’ or ‘heaven’ or
unconditional acceptance and love and absolution, will only be available to you
after you die – and even there it’s a ‘maybe’. Cause again, it’s just stories
that have nothing to do with REALITY.
The living word FORGIVENESS is actually simply about
recognizing and realizing my power, ability and authority to GIVE myself all
the things I’ve always wanted, through for instance living words. All those
things that’s been defined in and as the religious construct – ‘heaven’, ‘unconditional
love’, ‘acceptance’, ‘forgiveness’, ‘absolution’, ‘grace’, etcetera. All things
that are of ‘Godliness’. So no wonder Jesus, along with forgiveness, have
become defined in and as the religious construct, so that human beings would
never recognize and realize the actual POWER of forgiveness, but would simply
accept that it’s something ‘inaccessible’ for us ‘mere mortals’. Accepting our
total disempowerment to create and give ourselves everything that we’ve always
truly wanted on a beingness level. To truly stand as God and Creator.
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