Sunday, January 12, 2020
I give up my Self to Fear
This is a continuation of my previous post "Who are you Doing it For?"
I have lived my life in fear. There's been other 'experiences', too, but FEAR has in fact always been there. Always the shadow looming in the background. The thing I always experienced, and actually knew I was experiencing it, yet never admitted to experiencing it.
And if only I had ever admitted to myself just how much - in fact everything - of myself is in fact just 'fear', I would have come to this conclusion long ago. That, what does it matter? Nothing really seems 'relevant' at all when at the end of the day I live in fear. When at the end of the day, I am not the 'master' of myself. Fear is.
Fear, constantly reminding myself that I am 'but a powerless slave' in this world and existence. Because I know not how I was created, how I got here, how any of this works. Therefore I must exist in fear. The mark of the slave. Of the 'un-free'. Fear of that which I 'do not understand'. And there are many things, that I don't understand.
But then, I've never put much effort into getting to understand my world and reality. Equally to how I've abdicated my life to fear, have I given myself up to 'feelings'. Which are the things that 'blind' you actually. The things that thus effectively keep you in fear. So basically, if you find yourself in 'fear' a lot, look at where you tend to follow your 'feelings'. Cause it's in the face of 'feelings' that your 'resolve' is influenced. Your 'standing' and 'self-directive power'. It's in the face of feelings that you are 'tested', as to whether you're standing or not.
Whether you're going to be 'tempted' and 'swayed' to follow energy, or whether you're going to stand and act based on principle. It's the 'who you are' in relation to feelings that actually determines the 'power' fear has over you. It determines your 'propensity' to 'blindly follow' something. And, the thing with feelings is that you're basically 'willingly' signing yourself over. You are a 'willing slave' to the experience.