Get on Top of your Shit

This is a continuation of my previous post "Excitement vs Enjoyment"

I am very much used to 'directing' myself and my life based on 'what I feel like'. I will usually just do things from moment to moment, based on what I in that moment 'feel like' doing. So very used to 'trusting' emotions and feelings when it comes to how I live and how I see myself and reality.

Needless to say, this has always made 'taking responsibility' quite a struggle for me. Because, I'd obviously never, or VERY RARELY, actually 'feel like' doing the dishes, or cleaning up around the house, doing my homework, or basically doing anything that's required to be done in physical reality to make sure that 'things are taken care of' and to actually create and direct my life and my reality in the context of what I ultimately want. Which is to for instance, have a successful career, own and live in a nice house, have a successful relationship and family, and in the greater picture, build a world that is best for all.

Essentially, I was trading in that 'bigger picture', as what I actually REALLY want, for what was pretty much the 'illusion of want'. These momentary 'experiences' as feelings and emotions. Cause, I'd just NEVER 'feel like' doing basically anything that might in any way really contribute to creating that 'bigger picture'. Like literally, what I 'felt like doing' was most of the time just 'wasting time'. Things to 'distract' and 'entertain' myself for a moment. In a way I was very 'short-sighted'. Kind of only seeing what was right in front of me as 'immediate' and 'instant' gratification, rather than 'keeping my eye on the prize'.

Cause to actually CREATE that 'bigger picture' and truly MANIFEST what you ultimately want, you need to essentially ignore any 'feeling' experiences that come up in the moments. You need to be less 'energy-based', and more 'structural'. You need to give yourself 'instructions' and move yourself based on those instructions.

And it's quite the paradigm shift actually. Because I was following whatever my feelings were telling me I should do, based on a 'trust' that 'somehow' my feelings know something I don't. A trust that feelings are like some 'cosmic connection'. Like a link to the universe that's guiding me to my ultimate goal. And I sort of believed that as long as I just follow my feelings, I'll eventually get to wherever I want to be at. But I'm starting to figure out that it doesn't actually work that way lol.

And that, if anything, feelings are more like just 'coping mechanisms'. It's like I am still a little kid who just kind of feels confused and overwhelmed by reality, and my feelings are just how I 'pacify' myself. Things I do to make myself feel just a little better. There is no 'cosmic connection' or 'greater meaning' to feelings.

'I' need to be that cosmic connection and 'greater meaning'. 'I' need to be that which guides and instructs 'me'. Giving myself the 'structure' that I need and according to which I can move myself, so I can eventually create and manifest what I want to. I must abdicate all feelings so I can have an 'oversight' of what actually needs to be done. So I can be 'on top of my shit'.