I don't understand it, therefore it isn't real

So why is it, that all those people, or most of them anyways, in the first world countries, are so...'passive' when it comes to the suffering in this world? All those 'privileged' human beings, who are born in wealthy or at least middle-class families, in positions of ABUNDANCE. Who have and get everything they need and want and lack nothing. Who are raised in - more or less - stable families, and get the support they need to 'make it' in life. To go to school, get a degree, find a job, and start a family of their own, without ever really needing to worry about 'survival' necessarily, as everything in life is pretty 'easy' and 'straightforward'.

What is it that makes us so disconnected and separated and aloof in relation to the suffering in this world? Suffering that is VERY real, for many many beings. While we are in the ULTIMATE position of power, to really do something about it. What is it inside of ourselves, in our very minds, that cause us to 'accept' things as they are? Rather than STAND UP, SPEAK UP, DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING, as any sane person would do, when faced with the horrifying and atrocious suffering that's part of 'life on earth'.

I mean, by all accounts, you would almost think, that we truly just 'don't care'. That we are entirely devoid of life and feeling, and lack even the slightest sensitivity to see or pick up on another's pain. How do we sleep at night?! Literally. How?!

Let me answer that question, with myself as the best example. I was born in a first world country. In a family of abundance. We never lacked anything. I was always given everything I needed or wanted. I never had to worry about 'survival'. My life was easy. As if it was programmed that way. I was aware that there was 'suffering' in the world. I was aware that in some far away lands, there was 'war', and people were suffering as a consequence of it. That there was 'poverty', somewhere. That there were even entire countries - called 'third world countries' - where EVERYONE existed in poverty and even starvation. A LACK that is beyond comprehension. I watched the news, I saw the photos and the videos.

I KNEW, on some level in my mind, that all that 'existed'. But to be honest, on some other level within myself, I didn't really BELIEVE it. I mean that's kind of weird to say actually because as they say, 'seeing is believing'. And, I did SEE, physically, with my own eyes. Yet, I did not 'believe'. I could not FATHOM that anyone else's life could be so different from mine.  That there were people out there who did not know the kind of safety and security and stability that seemed to be an absolute given in my world and reality. I mean even everyone around me seemed to enjoy that same sense of safety, stability and security. All, equally. Life was good for everyone that I knew. So then, how could it be so different elsewhere?

I grew up in Belgium. And in Belgium, in most of Belgium, the inequality isn't so great as in most of the rest of the world. 'The middle-class rules the country.' That's from a popular Belgian song. It means that sure while there were people who made more money than others, it didn't really matter all that much what kind of job you did. Everyone was 'taken care of'. There was a sense of 'equality' within how much money and means everyone had. And so everyone was 'happy'. Everyone was able to 'enjoy life'.

That was the 'world' that I grew up in. A world wherein everyone can be equally happy. And in that world, the concept of 'suffering', or 'starvation', did not exist. And it was almost like living in a bubble. Where even though there were images coming through on the TV of people living entirely different lives - lives so opposite to ours - the images never really 'registered' as being anything 'real' or anything substantial because I simply 'couldn't relate'. I could not 'understand', as it's never been part of my 'frame of reference'.

It's sort of weird to say, but yes I could not understand, and so it didn't seem 'real'. And so I could continue to 'ignore' and 'brush it off', like it's of no consequence. Like all that REALLY matters, is just the comings and goings of my own life, and the lives of those around me. NOT the fact that somewhere out there, lots of people are seriously suffering, in ways that even my worst nightmares can't describe.

BUT, although my mind did not BELIEVE what my eyes did SEE, and although therefore it seemed entirely justified to just ignore it all, deeeep deep down within myself there was an awareness. An awareness that it IS all real. And that awareness became a 'guilt'. Something that was eating me up inside. Something that made me feel wretched within myself. The guilt of knowing that all this is going on, but I am doing NOTHING about it. And that I can tell myself that 'I don't understand' and 'I don't believe' as much as I want, but at the end of the day the guilt does not go away. Until I actually STAND UP and do whatever I can to FIX and SOLVE and CHANGE  those things in this world that SHOULD NOT exist.

Are you PRIVILEGED?

This is a continuation of my previous post "My Process Compass"


I've aways been very...'innocent' lol. Meaning that, because my whole life my primary experience has always been FEAR, as basically not wanting to take responsibility for ANYTHING, I also never really 'did' anything necessarily. I never really 'lived'. And so I never had much 'life experience'. I was, 'innocent'. Sort of sheltered by my own fear of everything.

But then I've always looked at people and felt like, I SHOULD have more experience. I SHOULD be more like other people in this world who live their lives and experience things and do things and make mistakes and go through emotions and reactions and who wear their heart on their sleeves and express themselves and do dumb things and develop personalities around that. I should be more 'seasoned' lol. Seasoned by life and the shit you go through as a human in this world.

I felt that, looking at other people, they seem to be more 'rich' somehow. 'Rich' in experience and memories and feelings and emotions and personalities and character, etcetera. I had none of that lol. I was like a blank slate. Very much still a small child or a baby within myself. As though I've never really lived, never been through anything. Completely sheltered off from life in this world.

I TRIED to give myself that experience lol. I TRIED to deliberately place myself in dangerous situations, make friends with people living dangerous lives, get swept away by the tides of life. But to no avail. It wasn't 'real'. It was just me trying to make my life more interesting, and I was aware that I was doing it. It was kind of pathetic really lol.

I kind of feel like my whole life was pretty much about me trying to make myself more 'human' lol. Trying to chase after that 'human experience'. Trying to be less 'innocent'. Less 'aware of myself'. Cause I guess I felt there must be something 'wrong' with me when everybody else seems so different. There's also been just a lot of beating up on myself for living such an 'innocent' existence. As though it basically just showed me exactly how PRIVILEGED I've been, to be THAT sheltered. THAT protected from EVERYTHING.

And obviously, instead of embracing that privilege and recognizing that everyone should be so privileged and that it simply means it's now my responsibility to make sure that happens in this world, I rather just didn't want to face the guilt and responsibility and decided I'll try and drown out the awareness.

I mean, imagine, that's basically why people in first world countries, who 'have it good' and are almost living in a way that is a 'heaven on earth', don't do anything to change the rest of the world. Countries like Belgium where I grew up. Where people are so privileged they're already living in an 'ideal world'. They'll rather stick their head in the sand cause they don't want to face the responsibility that comes with being so privileged. Not to mention the guilt from not having done anything all this time but having taken it all for granted even when you could clearly see all the suffering in the rest of the world.

And I see now that the experience of 'overwhelming fear' has always just been a deliberate self-distraction. Deliberately making me feel disempowered and victimized so as to undermine my realization of responsibility. To make me feel like 'I just can't. I'm too weak'. Cause I mean, the realization has always been there within me. That I am RESPONSIBLE for EVERYONE that is not as privileged as I am. Which is safe to say pretty much every being in this world. And it's taken me how long? About ten odd years to finally ADMIT to myself what I've really actually been aware of from the start. Making myself go deliberately in circles, as if there's some 'process' for me to walk, when all I needed to do was just 'get real' with myself and what I really already know within me but just don't want to face, cause I'm just so used to sticking my head into the sand.

Bernard's words "the first will be the last" make sense to me now. In that, because I was the FIRST, as in hyper-privileged compared to everyone else in this existence, and already had it all from the get-go, I will now have to wait until all beings in this existence exist in a heaven on earth. I will have to take responsibility for each one and walk with them, walk their life and existence into change and self-realization. Allowing everyone else to go before me. Changing the meaning of the word 'privileged' from 'turning a blind eye to the suffering of others' and 'sticking your head into the sand', to 'being in a superior position and therefore responsibility to support others' and 'having the responsibility to show everyone else the way'. There really is no other way, if I ever want to be able to live with myself and look myself in the eyes with respect.

And to the people living in Belgium, and who've lived a life of privileged like I have. Yes there is great guilt and shame, but there is also FORGIVENESS. To be the directive principle and allow yourself to START OVER, and live in a way that is truly honorable. We can't change the past and what we've allowed. But we can decide to live differently and honor our 'privilege', showing the way to the rest of the world. Cause we are the ones who see what is possible. What a 'heaven on earth' might be like, and that's our responsibility to show everyone else.




www.desteni.org
www.eqafe.com
www.destonians.com
www.desteniiprocess.com