To Live as GOD

 This is a continuation of my previous post "What is Real Assertiveness?"

I mean it's interesting, this fear of having cancer is a programming in the mind. I never really saw it as a programming cause I thought it's 'just a fear'. An intense fear yes but 'just fear' that I basically just need to 'get over'.

And although yes it's a fear, it's actually also a 'programming'. A programming of almost wishing myself ill. Like wishing the worst for myself. Cause everytime that fear of 'getting cancer' comes up and I get all panicked and fearful of 'omg maybe i have cancer', it's almost like I am deliberately putting myself in that mental/emotional state  of basically thinking the worst for myself and it also makes me feel just horrible. Like it makes me feel unsettled and uncomfortable and separated from myself.

And it's this programming of 'wishing the worst' rather than 'wishing the best'. And I do it in relation to other people as well. Where I will actually wish the worst for them. Like I WANT people to just get cancer or some bad illness and die, as horrible as that sounds. Or to have bad things happen to them in their lives. Like, as long as it's you and not me. type of thing. But then obviously there will also be the point of fear of, 'omg but what if it's ME?!' What if I'm the one that bad things happen to?!

I guess it's based on the belief that we can't all be happy. That in this world there's only inequality which means that one person gets to be happy and healthy and have everything, and another person is fucked. They get things like cancer or they lose their job or die. So its like I learned to just hope that it's other people who get the bad stuff happen to them and not me. But then that does mean that I exist in constant fear of that 'bad stuff' happening to me - while I do simultaneously wish it upon everybody else.

Rather than wishing EVERYBODY well. Wishing that EVERYBODY can be healthy and happy  and that nobody needs to 'get the short end of the stick' or needs to suffer. Like, also asking the question of why is there suffering in this world to begin with? Why is it that some people need to get sick and lose their job and lose everything they have or have some horrible accident happen to them? I never even asked that question and never even considered that that's not how reality should be. I just accepted that thats just how things are and that you should just hope for the best only for yourself in this world.

Rather than wishing and hoping for the best for EVERYONE. So I have lived and accepted and allowed myself to live words like inequality and 'fate' - accepting that things are not 'equal', as in that everybody can't be equally happy and fulfilled. And accepting that if bad shit does happen, it's 'fate'. It's 'the luck of the draw' and there's nothing you can do about it, so therefore you should just hope that it doesn't happen to you. That your number doesn't get drawn, but that it's somebody else's number that's up.


 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word inequality in separation of myself by having lived it within and as the definition and the belief that things can't be 'equal', and that in this world there are only polarities of rich and poor, healthy and unhealthy, lucky and unlucky, fortunate and unfortunate - and so the belief that basically life cannot be equally pleasant and good for everyone -- but that if one person is happy then that means another person must suffer, as in a game of 'balance'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed to live the word inequality as in believing that things cannot be equal in this world  and that everything is a game of balance -- as though we cannot create a heaven on earth wherein EVERYBODY is happy and healthy and lucky and fortunate

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for this word within and as myself by defining myself within and as it and defining reality within and as it

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the words that I am living within and as me and so to rather live the word EQUALITY and so standing for a world and reality wherein everything is equal - in terms of where everyone can be happy and healthy and lucky and fortunate and where there's no such thing as 'balance' but where everything is considered and supported and cared for equally -- and where thus the life of one being does not result in consequences in the life of another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world of 'balance' to exist - or rather that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word 'balance' within and as 'inequality' -- as the belief and the acceptance that things must be 'balanced out' through consequences, that happiness must be balanced out with unhappiness, healthy must be balanced out with unhealthy, love must be balanced out with hate, etcetera -- and that thus nothing can exist without it's 'balance point' --- instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that this belief and acceptance is just a consequence of never having taken responsibility for defining and redefining words, but rather having accepted definitions of words and having lived those definitions as reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as life as reality to define myself within and as the word inequality as the acceptance that for me to be happy someone else must suffer and the acceptance that 'good' is in fact 'bad' as for anything 'good' something 'bad' must exist -- the belief that there must always be a 'counter-point', the belief that nothing is ever 'free' and 'unconditional', the belief that there must always be a point of 'debt', of 'consequence' and that nothing can ever truly simply be 'good'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to therefore have defined the word equality within and as inequality as a polarity, within and as the word 'balance' -- wherein thus I've essentially made the word equality non-existent, or to rather actually mean it's opposite, just a void concept that doesn't mean anything and isn't real

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that equality cannot exist when inequality exists

and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word inequality to even exist

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for standing as the living embodiment of what is best for all as me, and so standing in and as the living word EQUALITY, rather than accepting and allowing the word 'inequality' to exist in and as me and in and as reality as me and so live something that isn't actually best for me as reality

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live the word EQUALITY without defining it in and as a polarity with inequality -- but actually seeing and living it as the solution to life on earth -- where equality is not defined within and as 'balance' as polarity but stands alone as a LIVING WORD

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed within and as the word 'balance' by defining it within and as 'polarity' as energy, within and as the belief that for any 'good' there must be 'bad' and for any 'positive' there must be 'negative' and that no word can exist without its opposite

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to define balance within and as imbalance - rather than living balance as a living word

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that polarities is basically 'imbalance'

and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'balance' within and as an acceptance of polarities as the belief that for 'good' to exist 'bad' must exist -- and that 'balance' is in a way a 'leveling out' of the good and the bad -- as though you're walking on a tight rope and are constantly at risk of 'falling off' and being 'tilted' to one side or the other and get 'off balance' -- which is essentially defining balance within and as imbalance

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live balance as a living word, not defined in and as a polarity

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live the word balance as essentially the in-breath and the out-breath -- which still exists in and as equality, where neither is good or bad or more or less and there is no polarity, there is simply 'balance' -- as essentially an equal consideration of everything

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live the word balance as simply an equal consideration of everything that exists

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live the word equality as the honoring, consideration and support of everything in existence as equal with myself - and so simply realizing everything as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never even consider the possibility of equality as a reality where EVERYONE can be happy and healthy and lucky and fortunate -- by having accepted and allowed myself to be programmed in and as inequality to that extent that I believe I must actually exist in hope that someone else will experience something bad rather than myself, so that I can experience something good, and that I would accept such a reality where I accept the suffering of others in my name

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live 'equality' as in wishing everybody well, just like i'd wish myself well -- and so to see and consider everyone as equal with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live inequality as the acceptance that someone else will suffer so that I can feel happy -- and so the acceptance of absolute disregard of life as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word fate in separation of myself as in believing that when something 'bad' happens to someone, it's just what it is, because of how reality is, because of inequality, and there's nothing anyone can do about that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word 'fate' in a polarity with the word 'god' - and so defining the word fate as basically the belief that 'I am not God, so therefore I have no power and I have no directive principle and so anything that happens in this reality and any of how this reality exists is completely out of my hands'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live the word fate as equal with the word God, and so not in a polarity -- but to basically live the word God, as power, responsibility and directive principle, as well as living the word fate as essentially the 'result' of the kind of 'God' that you are and how you direct reality and take responsibility -- where 'fate' is simply the result of the 'equality equation'  in terms of what am I creating for myself as 'God' and what 'fate' is going to meet me based on what I have created and how I have existed as 'God' -- where thus fate is essentially the awareness and realization that everything is in my hands, that I decide my 'fate'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EVEN CONSIDER hoping for the best for ONLY MYSELF while disregarding everyone else

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to wish for the best for all as me and so to not just think of and include myself when I'm 'wishing for the best' -- but to include ALL of existence -- and so living and standing in and as the word EQUALITY -- and so not allowing the polarities to exist of assuming that for one person to be happy, another must suffer, and so not accepting and allowing 'suffering' to exist at all within me as reality -- but to only stand as what is best for ALL as me in equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word inequality by only looking out for myself – instead of looking out for everyone as equal with myself – and so not just wanting a better world for just me but wanting a better world for all as me in equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word inequality by defining myself within and as and accepting the statement of ‘just be grateful for what you’ve got’ and ‘this world just is what it is and there’s nothing we can do about it so just be happy that you’re not suffering’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that I wouldn’t be justifying suffering in that way if I were the one suffering – I wouldn’t be telling myself that ‘this is fine the way it is, there’s nothing I can do about it so I should just be grateful for what I have or rather, don’t have’ and ‘it’s ok that I am suffering at the hands of others who cling to their little bit of happiness and don’t do anything to change the world so others like me don’t have to suffer’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that it’s only those who have not experienced suffering or who aren’t experiencing suffering as a consequence of this world the way it is, who will justify suffering and justify not doing anything about it to change this world – and who will accept statements like ‘just be grateful for what you have, there’s nothing you can do anyways’ – because when you are the one suffering, then you will WANT change and you will DEMAND change and PUSH for change and you won’t just be ‘ok’ with things ‘the way they are’

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that people who say and accept such things as ‘there is nothing we can do to change the world’, ‘this is just how things are’ and ‘just be grateful for what you have’ – are those who have not placed themselves in the shoes of those who are actually suffering as a consequence of ‘how things are’ and who do not want to place themselves in the shoes of the one they are justifying the suffering of and thus those who have a blatant DISREGARD for anything other than themselves

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and realize and understand that when you don’t want to change the world and eliminate suffering from the world, you are not considering others as equal to yourself – as you allow suffering to be done onto another that you would not want to be done onto yourself, and so you are saying that ‘another is of less value, importance and worth than me so it’s ok for them to go through something that I myself would not want to go through’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that it’s only through living equality as in placing myself in the shoes of those who are suffering in this world, that I will really find out the ‘truth’ – that I will truly see and understand what must be done and what is ACTUALLY important – and I will stop justifying and excusing ‘the way things are’ because I will truly realize and understand that what is being accepted and allowed as a consequence of ‘how things are’ is UNACCEPTABLE

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to live the word equality as placing myself in the shoes of another and so therein truly being able to see solutions in the principle of giving to another what I would like for myself in their shoes

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that those who justify the suffering of others in this world are simply not placing themselves in the shoes of those they are allowing to suffer and so they simply aren’t seeing or realizing another as themselves as they hide behind their reasons and justifications and excuses for why another is apparently not equal to them – while if they were to truly place themselves in the shoes of another, they would SEE directly what is real and what is not

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the shoes of every individual being in this world and actually go through what they are going through so that I can SEE directly what actually exists in this world and reality and so that I would stop hiding behind justifications and excuses for why I am not doing everything in my power to change this world – because only when I have actually gone through the suffering myself, will I truly understand that suffering is UNACCEPTABLE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shield myself off from going through the suffering that exists in this world, and to just exist in hope that I will never have to go through it – and to therein essentially just accept and allow it to exist and be done onto others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be OK with suffering being done onto and happening onto others as long as I can feel safe and secure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even consider fearing going through what other beings in this world are going through – instead of simply realizing and seeing and understanding that THEY ARE GOING THROUGH IT and I have been allowing that – I have been allowing harm to come to another that I would not want to come to myself without realizing or considering that another is equal to myself as we are all equally here – we are all equally beings that exist, so what I accept and allow to be done onto another is what I accept and allow to be done onto me --- so in a way all this suffering is already being done onto me as another, I just have never been AWARE of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even consider separating myself from another with fear – and so to even consider allowing fear to create the illusion that another is not me --- instead of simply realizing that every being in this world is me as all beings here in and as this reality are equal to me – and that thus what is happening to another is happening to me, and that I must stand in the shoes of all beings as me and direct this reality to be and become what is best for all as me

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to be aware of the suffering that actually exists in this world and reality, by having defined myself in and as fear, in apparent ‘separation’ of it all – while just allowing it all to continue existing while numbing and blinding myself to it with fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to even exist within me as something wherein I separate myself from all other beings in this world and reality and wherein I ‘numb’ myself so that I wouldn’t actually see all the suffering that exists here in this world and reality – and the suffering that other beings as me are going through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as fear as the ‘great separator’ – instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that who I really am is oneness and equality – that I am every being that exists in this world and reality as all beings are equal to me and that therefore what happens to another is happening to myself – and that if and when I separate myself from that, then I am turning my back to myself and rejecting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed any separation to exist within myself in relation to other beings and so not stand within and as the shoes of every being in this world and reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that in fact, the physical is existing in constant pain – because I have never considered or seen it as equal to myself and so have never made sure that the physical is supported as I would like to be supported and that nothing is done onto the physical that I would not want to be done onto myself

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that the physical is me and that everything that happens within and onto the physical is happening within and onto me --  and that I am thus singlehandedly responsible to direct this world and reality in a way that will  create the best outcome for the physical as me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that every being in this reality is me so there is no excuse or justification to not stand in the shoes of every being in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed within and as the word ‘God’ by defining it in separation of myself, within and as the belief that ‘I am not God’ and that ‘God is a force or something or someone greater than myself, which is holding this existence in their hands, and I am just at the mercy of this force’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that ‘God’ is simply the realization that all beings in existence are equal with myself – it’s to see myself in another and to stand in their shoes and recognize that there is no separation – where, within that I will see and realize myself as responsible to direct this world and reality in a way that is best for all beings as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘God’ as a ‘greater force’ instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that in fact ‘God’ is the simple awareness and understanding that everything is me – that another being is equal to me and that thus I am responsible for what I accept and allow to be done onto another as me, because it IS me in oneness and equality --- it’s to simply stand in the shoes of all beings and realize that the pain of another is my pain and so my responsibility to ‘solve’ and direct and heal – and that therefore nothing is ‘out of my hands’ because when I stand in the shoes of those who are suffering as myself, then I will make DAMN SURE that I will take things in my hands and that I will do whatever I possibly can to stop the suffering

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that the suffering in this reality actually only happens and exists on a physical level – which is the level that the human being is not aware of – as the human exists in separation of the physical within and as the mind consciousness system

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that the human has no idea of what real suffering is as they exist in and as the mind consciousness system which exists in suppression of the physical

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand in and as the physical and stand equal with the physical, which is where the real suffering is going on – and to see and realize and understand that the human is not in any way aware of what is really going on in reality and what is really being done onto reality as the human exists in absolute separation of actual reality as the physical – as the mind is essentially designed to suppress the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed there to even be a ‘me’ within myself, instead of standing as all as me – so when I am worrying about ‘me’ or considering ‘me’ or thinking about ‘me’ and preoccupied with ‘me’ – then I am worrying about, preoccupied with, considering and thinking about all beings as me – and so wanting the best for all as me

When and as I see this fear of cancer point come up within me, then I stop and I breathe, and I see and realize and understand that this is actually a consequence of having defined myself within and as and having lived the word ‘inequality’ as the belief that ‘for some to be happy, others must suffer’ and that ‘we can’t all be happy’ – wherein I have come to accept the suffering of others in my name and essentially wish things to be done onto them that I would not want to be done onto me, just so that I could be ‘safe’ from it happening to me, by existing in and as the principle of ‘balance’ – that for my happiness, someone else must lose their happiness as the belief that ‘balance’ is essentially a game of polarities where anything ‘good’ cannot exist without something ‘bad’, and where thus ‘happiness’ cannot exist without ‘suffering’ – and wherein I thus also exist in constant fear of those bad things and that suffering that I’m accepting and allowing to be done onto another, happening to me

I see and realize and understand that I am not inequality – and that who I really am is equality as the recognition of another as me, as the standing in the shoes of another and the realization that what I accept and allow to be done onto another is what I accept and allow to be done onto myself – and thus the recognition and realization of my responsibility to direct reality to the best outcome for all as me

I see and realize and understand that ‘balance’ is not defined within polarities of good vs bad, happiness vs suffering, lucky vs unlucky, etc, but that balance is in fact just the in- and out-breath as everything being equally considered, everything in reality being equal and so equally cared for and supported and considered, where nothing is more or less or good or bad

I see and realize and understand that fear of getting cancer is basically thus a consequence of having accepted and allowed suffering to exist in this world and reality because I never saw another as equal with myself – and because I have always just been ‘fine’ with the suffering of another as I was hiding behind justifications and excuses like ‘reality is the way it is and there is nothing I can do about that’ and ‘just be grateful for what you have’ – rather than standing in the shoes of another and realizing and understanding that any suffering is UNACCEPTABLE and so not just allowing things to be done onto another that I would not want to be done onto myself

I commit myself to live the word EQUALITY as basically defining ‘me’ as all beings as me, as standing in the shoes of all beings in this world and reality and so considering all beings in this world and reality whenever I consider ‘me’ – and so not have ‘me’ exist in separation from other beings in reality

I commit myself to, anytime I think about or consider or am preoccupied with or am worrying about ‘me’ – to be thinking about, considering, preoccupied with and worrying about all beings in existence as me – so that I can also therein stand as God, as in directing myself in this reality to create an outcome that is best for all as me – as well as live the word FATE, as in deciding and creating the FATE as the outcome of reality as me through how I live as God

I commit myself to live the word GOD, by living and standing AS all beings in existence and so directing myself as all, within consideration of ALL beings in existence equally – and so living in a way that will ensure the best outcome for ALL beings in and as existence

I commit myself to take my responsibility as GOD  by living the word EQUALITY – living as ALL AS ME and so directing ALL AS ME

I commit myself to thus assist and support myself to RELAX as in let go of all self-interest as all points wherein I separate myself from other beings and from reality as me – so that I can stand AS existence

I commit myself to live the word GOD in terms of actually living what is best – and actually redefining and defining words so that they no longer exist within and as polarities as consequence but to actually ensure that I live words as expressions of life that stand in support of life – so that I stand in support of a world that is best for all as me – a world wherein inequality does not exist and where suffering does not exist