This is a continuation of my previous blog "Living words: Hope and Hopeless"
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to basically align everything i do on my life with my purpose and goal of changing the world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain things that i do in my life as points of 'self-interest' which apparently have nothing to do with my actual purpose and goal in life and so are like points wherein i kind of abandon myself and things i in a way do behind my own back -- instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that its not even really about not doing those things anymore, it's about redefining them in terms of aligning them with my purpose and goal, where everything I do is in the name of my purpose and goal of changing the world - and where i thus dont in any way exist in separation of my purpose and goal
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to actually place my goal and purpose in life as my 'why' front and center and so align my entire life and everything i am and do with my 'why'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my 'why' by actually believing that I dont have any power in this world -- and so kind of giving up on myself and my ability to basically take charge and direction of my life and myself in this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as disempowered and to therein give up on myself and my assertiveness
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define power in separation of myself as something that you have 'over' other beings -- and to therein conclude that i have no power over other beings so therefore i must be 'disempowered' -- instead of living power as a living word as basically bringing myself to the point within myself wherein i am not in any way 'tied' to anything in and of this world and wherein i exist alone as that is my point of real 'power'
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that power is not related to 'other people'
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that that's more how I learned to define power, as in being able to somehow 'force' others to move in a certain way or direction - wherein I've defined power in separation of myself
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to thus define power in and as a polarity wherein i end up defining myself as 'disempowered' because it turns out that I dont have the ability to force others to do anything
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that real power actually exists within understanding -- and that if anything 'force' as in trying to 'force' others to do things, more comes from a lack of understanding of reality and so also a sense of disempowerment where i just try to 'override' my disempowerment by using 'force' in trying to direct people and reality --- whereas real power is to actually have insight and understanding of reality in a way where I can assess and see what needs to be done or what CAN be done to create an outcome that is best for all --- as the experience of disempowerment more comes up whenever there is a lack of understanding and insight of how things work, where one then tries to compensate by using FORCE, like how parents will punish their children and use FORCE to get the child to do their bidding, because they actually don't have a real understanding or insight into what makes the child exist in the way that it does or what really motivates this world and reality and what cause the child to sometimes 'act out' or 'rebel' or 'misbehave'
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that I feel disempowered in this world because i have defined 'power' as 'force', in terms of 'forcing' reality to go the way i want it to - and since I lack that 'force' or that ability I thus conclude that I am disempowered -- instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that real power is not about 'force' but is about having a thorough understanding of and insight into reality where i then have the ability to see what CAN be done and which direction can be given to reality in a practical way to create an outcome that is best
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word power by defining it in and as an energy polarity with the word disempowerment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live assertiveness as basically 'taking charge' and aligning and directing my life and myself with my goal and purpose, by defining 'power' within and as the ability to 'force' reality into a specific direction and to therefore feel and define myself as disempowered in relation to reality as i do not have that ability
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that to live the word POWER is to gather understanding of and insight into reality and to therein develop the ability to see solutions and see the direction one is able to go into and how one is able to give direction to things without the use of 'force' -- and that thus to live ASSERTIVENESS is to first and foremost empower myself through working on UNDERSTANDING my world and reality and so developing the understanding and insight I need to be able to see how I can practically direct myself and my reality to accomplish and achieve my purpose and goal in this world
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that it's just a matter of understanding my world and reality better and so understanding and seeing what 'power' as in ability to direct my world and reality to achieve a specific goal or purpose I actually have -- rather than basically just staring at my goal and purpose and then looking at reality and then feeling disempowered because I just don't see a way to get things to go towards that goal/purpose
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'power' within and as essentially 'stupidity' as in just having the ability to direct things -- rather than seeing and realizing and understanding that i am leaving out a very important part which is that I first need UNDERSTANDING of and INSIGHT into reality in order to then have the ABILITY to give direction to reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word disempowerment by basically having left out this important part of the definition of power
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that when I am not being assertive, I just need to have a look at where and how within myself am i accepting myself as 'disempowered' -- and so where and how am I not working on UNDERSTANDING my world and reality, but rather am expecting myself to just achieve or accomplish specific goals or a specific purpose without first having an understanding of things, thus then allowing myself to 'give up' on myself and on my goal and purpose within and as the belief that 'i am simply not able to'
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to live power and empowerment, by taking the goal and purpose that I want to live and achieve, and humbling myself and sort of making myself very 'small' so that I can really 'take in' and see and consider all of reality and so i can from there see the direction to go into that will have the best outcome -- rather than just being a bulldozer and thinking and believing that 'empowerment' is just about getting to that goal or purpose without necessarily having any understanding or insight
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that I have such a hard time being assertive and so easily go into 'disempowerment', because I have a tendency to approach things like a bulldozer, where I see my goal and purpose and I just want to go straight towards it without in any way even understanding what's required to get there or how reality actually works -- which then causes me to feel like I just can't get there and i just can't do it and 'dont have the power to do it' and to then give up and accept myself as disempowered to do anything --- rather than actually doing the opposite and sort of approaching things 'cautiously', and making myself small and humble so that I can first sort of observe my reality and develop an understanding of how my reality works and exists, which is how i then empower myself to be able to see how I can practically DIRECT and ASSERT myself and my reality, to eventually achieve and manifest the goal and purpose
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that I have such a hard time being assertive because I actually approach my goals and purpose from the starting point of EGO as the illusion of POWER as in 'forcing my way to my goal and purpose' - and where I then often end up just 'giving up' on my goal and purpose as basically the stance of the 'loser' as I see and realize that I simply do not have that kind of 'power' as in i do not have the ability to just 'force' my way to the goal and purpose
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach my goals and purpose from the starting point of ego as the illusion of power as in trying to force my way to achieving my goal and purpose without any real understanding or insight into my world and reality -- and to therein then create the point of disempowerment as giving up within myself --- instead of approaching reality from a starting point of humbleness
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be humble when it comes to reality, by having this mentality of just wanting to be able to get to my goal HERE AND NOW and basically have and get what I want NOW NOW NOW -- and so not really consider the actual work and effort and time and patience that it takes for me to practically get myself there
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in and as this mentality and starting point of expecting to have and get what I want IMMEDIATELY as instant satisfaction and gratification as the starting point of EGO rather than considering the actual real-time reality-based effort that it will take to practically get to and give myself and create what it is that I want
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in and as the programming of essentially the 'spoiled child' who is used to being handed everything on a golden platter and who is used to getting and having everything it wants instantly and immediately and who is not used to having to put in work and effort to create and get to the things that she wants
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that my pattern with regards to my goals and purpose has always been that I basically take my goal and purpose and expect to have and get it IMMEDIATELY, and then i get frustrated that I don't or can't have it IMMEDIATELY and then I go into a point of disempowerment and giving up -- because I'm not giving myself the space and time to actually get myself to my goal and purpose in a practical way, nor am I even realizing that to get to my goal and purpose it is going to take time and effort and it will not be immediate, and most of all it is going to take me to take a step back within myself and humble myself in relation to reality and essentially in a way let go of my goal and purpose so that I can first and foremost understand my world and reality and then align myself with reality as it is and then direct reality towards the goal and purpose --- where I essentially need to stop being so 'pushy'
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that I need to stop placing my trust in the images and imaginations of my 'goal' and 'purpose' as the things that I 'want', and more just let go and breathe and take a step back so that I can unconditionally have a look at reality as it is, without trying to 'force' anything - and first sort of let reality be what it is without having any expectations or 'wants' -- so that I can first develop an understanding of how things work and exist and what would actually be best in fact and how I could actually practically, effectively direct reality in a way that will have the best outcome
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just let go of the images and imaginations in my mind of the things that I 'want' as my 'goals' and my 'purpose', and to just unconditionally approach reality, without having any expectations or wants, so that I can first UNDERSTAND reality and am able to see how reality is best directed --- which does not require any 'force' or pushiness or expectations or wants, but is rather actually a process of letting go and sort of allowing reality to 'be' what it is without interfering in any way, and then only stepping in once i clearly see what direction would be best
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just let reality be what it is so that I can first and foremost actually see it for and as what it is and how it actually exists -- without having any expectations or wants --- seeing and realizing and understanding that this is the only way to actually be able to direct reality in a way that is best
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be humble as in to let go of my wants and expectations in relation to MY goals and purpose and 'what I want to create' and what I personally think is important and what I believe I should have and get and what I believe reality should be, and so to just let reality be what it is without having any wants or expectations of it
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that humbleness is the only way to actually see and understand reality as it is and be able to in any practical, real way give direction to it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in and as essentially the point of placing my EGO as MY WANTS and EXPECTATIONS and DESIRES and MY GOALS and PURPOSE over reality - and essentially saying that what I want and desire is more important than reality itself -- instead of unconditionally letting go of my wants and expectations and desires and so not having any expectations or wants or desires in relation to reality -- so that I can actually be able to see what would in fact be the best way to direct reality to create the best outcome for reality
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to place reality before myself by having NO expectations or personal wants or desires in relation to reality and so actually simply seeing reality as it exists so as to direct it in a way that will create the best outcome for reality --- where it isn't about 'me' and what I want for myself or what I personally imagine or envision reality to be, but it's about what is ACTUALLY best for reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in and as the ego of the mind as the belief that reality is about ME and about the things that I want and the things that I imagine reality to be -- wherein i basically take on a stance of trying to FORCE reality into a certain direction based on what I want and expect and desire and so don't actually consider what is best for reality itself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even have an ego to begin with, as these personal wants and needs and desires and expectations which are not in alignment with what is best for reality -- but wherein i basically exist in this secluded and separated space inside the mind, only seeing or considering reality from the starting point of what I want as my 'self-interest'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even consider existing in separation of reality, within and as the ego of the mind, and having these wants, needs and desires which I believe are more important than reality itself -- and where I actually only see reality as a means to get my wants, needs and desires
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my wants, needs and desires are more important than reality itself -- instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that reality is all that matters because at the end of the day reality is what provides for me, so if I do not honor and support reality, then I'm basically also sabotaging myself from being able to actually get the things I want and need
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that it's by placing reality first and honoring reality before myself - that i actually simultaneously give myself the things that I want and need
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so selfish and self-involved and greedy and inconsiderate that I would not even consider reality at all and that i would actually believe that my personal wants and needs are more important than reality itself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the point of 'greed' to exist within myself as the point of basically only considering my personal wants and needs and placing those over and before reality - rather than honoring and placing reality before myself and realizing that reality is more important than myself
I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to basically consider ANYTHING before myself -- and to always place myself as my wants and needs before everything
I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to consider that reality is more important than 'me' -- and that I need to support and care for and look after reality first and foremost, before myself and before any personal wants and needs
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to basically be so consumed with greed that i've never even recognized that reality even 'exists' as I was always only focused on and consumed with my wants and needs
I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to even see or realize that reality even exists
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in and as self-interest as this point of not even recognizing or realizing that reality exists as I place my wants and needs before everything
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is who I really am, that I simply am consumed by self-interest and that's just 'who I am' and what defines me -- instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that I've actually just forgotten who I really am as life - because who I really am is humbleness as placing reality before myself and having no wants or needs but rather caring for reality before myself and recognizing that reality is more important than 'me'
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize and understand that it's basically just become a 'habit' and an 'addiction' to always only consider and think about my wants and needs before everything, rather than letting go of 'myself' and placing reality first
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to exist and stand in and as a constant 'letting go' of myself as personal wants and needs in every moment -- and so basically not allowing a 'me' to exist, where only 'reality' exists and I simply exist in the service of reality
I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to, instead of asking myself 'what do I want', asking myself 'what does reality need' - and so simply not having any 'personal wants and needs'
When and as i feel like I'm just participating in 'self-interest' and that what I am doing is not aligned with my goal and purpose -- then I stop and I breathe, and I see and realize and understand that this experience is a consequence of having an approach to reality wherein I only consider 'what I want' as 'MY goal/purpose' rather than placing reality first and actually considering what is best for reality
I see and realize and understand that within this self-interested approach to reality I basically exist within a point of 'pushiness' and 'forcefulness', as I'm trying to get reality to be as I imagine and want and expect it to be
and I see and realize and understand that I am therein not doing what is best for reality as I'm not placing reality first
I see and realize and understand that I've basically all my life existed in and as this point of placing self-interest before and above reality and seeing and perceiving reality purely as a means to get and have my self-interest
I see and realize and understand that this is however not who I really am and that who I really am is humbleness as unconditionally letting go of any point of self-interest as personal wants, needs and desires and placing reality and the care and support and consideration of reality before myself
I see and realize and understand that any issues I have with being 'assertive' in my life is because within my approach to reality I place self-interest first as what I personally want need and desire rather than placing reality first in terms of what's actually best for reality
I see and realize and understand that within this approach of self-interest to reality I tend to not actually consider what it actually practically takes to get to a specific goal or live a specific purpose as I only consider what I WANT and NEED and EXPECT from reality
and so i see and realize and understand that I therefore also easily will go into feeling disempowered and then giving up and so will not be assertive
I see and realize and understand that being assertive actually comes from and is based on letting go of my personal wants and needs and expectations so I can see and observe reality as it actually is without any personal interference and so understand how reality actually works and exists and what's actually required to be able to direct reality towards the best outcome for reality
I see and realize and understand that to be assertive I must thus RELAX as in unconditionally let go of any personal wants, needs, desires or expectations and so essentially just let things be -- so that I can then start seeing my ACTUAL role within reality as in my actual purpose and 'power' to direct reality in a way that's best for reality
I see and realize and understand that thus real POWER is to stand in and as a point of understanding and to SEE how I can practically and effectively direct reality in a way that is best -- and so is not in any way a point of forcefulness or pushiness and has nothing to do with 'what I want'
I commit myself to live the word POWER through actually RELAXING and unconditionally letting go of any points of self-interest as personal wants, needs and desires - and so to simply let reality be what it is so I can see what is actually needed and required of me to direct reality in a way that is best for reality
I commit myself to live the word HUMBLENESS as the point of letting go of personal wants and needs and desires and placing reality before myself and existing in the service of reality, rather than placing my wants, needs and desires before reality
I commit myself to place reality before myself and to live and exist in the service of reality - supporting and caring for reality before myself and essentially being a 'vessel' or a 'catalyst' for reality to realize itself as life in and as the physical and exist in a way that is best for itself, which I see, realize and understand includes ME
I commit myself to step into my ACTUAL role and purpose within reality, by letting go of self-interest as personal wants, needs and desires - and basically just allowing reality to just be what it is so that I can see clearly what is actually required of me by reality --- and so not impose my wants needs or desires onto reality
I commit myself to live the word ASSERTIVE by basically allowing reality to show me what is needed and required of me rather than me trying to impose my wants, needs and desires onto it
I commit myself to thus take a step back within myself, letting go of any points of self-interest as my wants, needs and desires, and allowing reality to be what it is without me in any way imposing anything onto it, so that I can see how I can contribute and direct reality in a way that is best for reality
I commit myself to basically mainly just work on RELAXING, as I see and realize and understand that this is essentially my main point -- to let go of my 'involvement' in reality, letting go of my 'personal interests' and my 'vested interests' in reality, and really learn to just unconditionally LET GO -- so that I can stand purely in the service of reality without constantly being stimulated or guided by personal wants, needs and desires as self-interest --- where I need to learn to in every moment essentially completely let go of everything that is 'me' and stand completely 'clear' before reality so I can be a 'vessel' and 'catalyst' for reality -- directed and moved not by self-interest but by life and reality itself -- truly doing what is best for reality
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