Monday, March 23, 2020

My CV for LIFE

I suppose the point that I can stand as in terms of how I can be of service and support for human beings, is the point of ASSERTIVENESS. The point of 'getting off your ass' basically. Because I have always lived disempowerment and laziness, as in just not ever doing anything with and in my life. Always finding it just very difficult to get myself moving or motivate myself or get myself to do anything that I don't necessarily HAVE to do.

I was lazy in many and in fact most, if not all, areas of my life. And existed basically in a state of 'giving up' on just about everything. Not having that 'umpff', that drive within me to make something of myself or of my life, or to even take care of myself and my environment. Not really seeing the purpose or the 'point', or any real 'reason' to make much of an effort within anything. Not seeing the value in most of all myself, nor any real reason to care about myself and what I do in and with my life.

Rather I'd be very much a 'victim' to feelings and emotions. Just kind of letting myself go and being the 'toy' of whatever energy comes up in me. Never sort of 'taking a stand' to direct or decide 'who I am', because I just never found anything 'worthwhile' to stand up for. Essentially living the statement of 'I don't see the value in life' and 'I don't see the value in me'.

And yes, I am still busy walking and changing this point. 'Standing up' and 'taking charge' and 'being assertive' in all areas of my life.

But I have managed to change a few points already.
  1. In terms of caring for and directing my physical environment. Which started with creating a living space for myself that I felt satisfied and happy with, rather than just being 'OK' with 'whatever'. Then introducing the concept of 'cleaning' lol. Slowly but surely building a consistency and thoroughness in terms of how I clean. And coming to understand the importance of 'cleaning' as actually more a symbolic point actually. Where, sure technically or theoretically you don't 'need' to clean certain things or areas in your space every week, but just the act of cleaning it anyways is an act of care. It's me stating 'I care', and that's why I do it. And it's also a point of 'being on top of things'. Not letting things slide. But taking action and moving myself and 'taking care' of my environment, in a physical, literal sense. So I've changed in this point, yet still in the process of perfecting it.
  2. Then there's the point of self-creation, as in 'pursuing' something in this world and reality. and moving and pushing a point into creation. Sort of 'making it happen one way or the other' and not just waiting around for it to maybe possibly one day happen on its own. Which started with first figuring out who I actually am in terms of what I do want to create for myself. Finding my 'starting point' as the point of 'value' within and for myself. A point within me wherein I can see 'value' to express myself from that point. Whereas how it used to be is that I would just express myself based on how I thought I 'needed to', to make other people happy or get them off my back or just kind of 'go along' with things. I first allowed myself to let go of all the things I was doing just because I felt I 'had to' for whatever reason, so that I could start with a 'clean slate', by turning inwards and really just getting to know myself unconditionally. Placing myself first and starting from there. Finding out what I enjoy, what I find important, what my real genuine self-expression is. And then from there I have to push myself to create a 'future' in this world. 'Carve my path' so to speak, and truly ASSERT myself and 'engrave' who I am within and as this reality. Just like what companies and brands do and have done. They 'brand' themselves, like a stamp, into reality and into the consciousness and the minds of human beings. Also a point I've changed in, yet am still in the process of perfecting.
  3. The third point is with regards to walking my process. Being more 'hands-on'. More 'structured'. More driven and dedicated and not so much 'flying by the seam of my pants'. Not so much assuming that 'oh I'm special and I will realize myself as life at some point regardless, without having to necessarily really push myself', but rather really pushing and more realizing and considering that actually, the odds are always against me. And I have to be on top of my game every day, in every moment. Not being too shy to face points that make me uncomfortable and not too lazy to walk whatever writing or self-forgiveness or redefining words is required. I could use some work in this department still as well, where I realize I don't use ALL tools at my disposal. Specifically when it comes to learning from other people's process through listening to Eqafe recordings, Bernard's recordings and reading others' blogs. That is an area where I have not been pushing myself and require some more specificity. So again, a point I have been changing, yet still perfecting.
  4. Another point is with regards to my 'self-trust', which is where I have reeeeaaaaal issues. This has been a more tricky point for me. I am very lazy when it comes to my self-direction and self-expression. In that I would rather have something else direct me and tell me how to express myself. In this I've been relying a little too much on muscle testing because I find it easier to just test on things than to sort of figure things out by myself. It's like this point within myself where I'm like "nah I'll rather just follow directions and just do what's expected of me than to actually go through the hassle of basically learning to express myself". Going through the process of getting to know my expression and how to effectively express the 'real me'. It's a bit scary and my reaction in the face of fear is to give up and search for something outside of myself to place my trust in. So this one I'm very much still in the beginning stages of changing.
So with this on my resume as my 'experience', I would say that the position I could stand in is in assisting and supporting others who are like me. Human beings who are also living that statement of 'I don't see the value in me' and are living this point of disempowerment and laziness within themselves and their lives. This is the 'pillar' I can stand as, of being a leading example of how to change this self-accepted programming. How to change from being disempowered and lazy, to being assertive and effective.

I hope that you will consider me in this role. I am looking forward to being a valuable part of your team.

Kim Amourette

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