Wednesday, March 25, 2020

My Living Word

This is a continuation of my previous post "My CV for Life"

In lieu of the latest Destonians chats, I’ve been working with the word ‘Safe Haven’ as the word that I want to stand as and live for myself, and my ‘support word’ to start changing points faster. It took me a while to find that word lol but once I sort of allowed myself to sink into my body and breath, it’s what came up and it just sat well within me. Even made me tear up lol so I was like ‘alright this must be the word’.

Safe Haven because, so much of ‘me’ is just plain fear actually. Where I mostly feel unsettled within myself and tend to overthink and go into worries, insecurities, doubts and just a lot of inner conflict, all from the starting point of fear, basically. So just never had a ‘safe haven’ within and as myself. Like a knowing that ‘I am here’ and I don’t need to worry. And I will be fine, cause I’m ‘safe’ within myself, no matter what.

And I’ve been applying this word in relation to points wherein I am not trusting myself. Which is a point I’ve kind of accepted is almost impossible to change. The lack of self-trust, where I would rather turn to something outside of myself to direct me and tell me what to do and how to be and how I’m doing. Because, obviously if you don’t feel ‘safe’ within yourself and you don’t have a ‘safe haven’, you also won’t be able to trust yourself cause you feel like you won’t be there for you if you ‘fall’.

So every time I am seeing myself go into a point of wanting to rather place my trust in something other than just myself, I’ve been bringing up this word ‘Safe Haven’, as basically the point of knowing that ‘no matter what happens, I am here. And so I can relax and don’t need to worry’. And it’s been supporting me to ‘calm the waters’ within myself. To stop being so frantic lol, and panicky, and being so afraid of ‘making mistakes’. Just to, rather than getting all caught up in the fear that’s going on within me, place my focus on just living this word Safe Haven within and for myself.

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