journeys with the physical

I've been using my physical body mostly as cross reference for points in walking in terms of self-change. I've found that my mind will mostly send me all over the place and I end up trying to change multiple points at once but then ending up more stressed and confused than settled. So since the body is on the other hand quite clear in its message of what to look at and work on, that's what I've been applying my focus on. This so as to make change real, or as real as possible, since the body will give me feedback of whether I've actually changed a point - and to avoid ending up at a place where I'm more feeling like I'm changing and believing I'm changing because "look at me I'm taking on all these points" but when it comes to the nitty gritty, the real-time living, there's not actually that much change.

The point, or one of the points, I've been working with and that comes up from time to time, is a discomfort in my lower abdomen, a cramping and tightening in that area. So anytime this sensation comes up I will have a look in the moment at the thoughts/backchat/emotions/personality designs I've been accessing to cause the physical experience. Sometimes if it's not immediately clear to me I will use my QCK procedure and tools to find the relevant points. When it came up earlier today as I was driving on my way to work I saw it being related to having, experiencing and going into a sense of failure. Thoughts and beliefs I've been having in the back of my mind of 'failing my family' and 'failing my child' because I can't be with her anymore as much as I'd like to since I had to start working again recently. 

Here I'm dealing with suppressed experiences and thoughts since on a surface level I am "fine" or rather I feel quite alright and unbothered mentally/emotionally as I go about my day or in this case specifically as I'm driving on my way to work. In fact, I've been experiencing myself, on a conscious level, more positively with regards to going to work - as in, feeling a sense of purpose, motivation, validation, drive and recognition as I am rejoining the workforce, learning new things, making new connections and relationships and getting feedback on my performances. But, as my body is clearly showing, there's more going on. In fact, digging and going a bit deeper, there's mostly deeply emotional issues and problems running in the background. Where I feel, dare I say, quite the opposite of whatever positive experiences I've been having around going back to work. And the body's basically saying with the internal organ pains, "Oi, look at what the emotions you're suppressing are doing to you. You need to get honest with this stuff in terms of how you're really feeling and what you're actually going through. Don't just stuff it away and ignore it just because maybe you feel powerless or aren't seeing solutions to your problems."

So for me, the sense of failure is an emotional issue that tends to affect me and that I tend to suppress, exactly because I've never seen a solution and have never known how to handle and direct it effectively - so I suppress it and unfortunately then turn it into a much bigger issue through how these suppressed emotions affect the inner organs. So now in these moments when the physical pains come up, this means I'm having to reverse engineer to get to what is actually going on and change. This through for instance understanding and investigating, using the physical point as cross-reference and feedback, everything that's going on in my mind specifically related to this 'feeling a sense of failure' point. 

This was one of those instances where I didn't immediately clearly see anything and so used QCK to support me, which lead me to recognize a deep emotional sadness/despair along with beliefs that I am failing my family/child by being at work instead of at home. Not just that, but furthermore this is connected with an entire personality design(as in an energetic state and way of thinking that I have become throughout my life) of feeling disappointed with myself and perceiving myself to be a disappointment, as well as a failure to grasp how to properly live the word "care". Meaning, how to not live this word based on emotions and feelings but live it on a physical level in terms of everyday and moment-to-moment actions. Which actions are in place in other words for me to live care - care for myself and others. So, my emotionally charged relationship with the word care is also affecting my inner organs and in particular this area where I get cramps sometimes in my lower abdomen.

Care is about being proactive, giving yourself what you need when you need it - responding to yourself, your 'impulses' so to speak, your sensitivities, as in your needs, your body's needs, when you need it. Because you care, which means you're not going to wait or go and think about it first or go into fear/doubts/thoughts about what needs to be done. It's being assertive about taking action and doing the things that make sense in providing support and providing for needs. In my case I have a lot of thoughts/reasons/justifications as to why I can't properly take care of myself, and as a consequence, others. Thoughts about other people for instance, placing others before myself, feelings, desires, etcetera - are all my "reasons" why I'm not just doing what needs to be done basically in terms of living the word care. All the ways in which I'm failing myself as I'm not properly caring and providing for myself. So it looks like this physical point is very much about living the word care if I want to correct it.

To be continued...

Give me reassurance!

I look for a sense or feeling of reassurance from my environment, this is what I've noticed. Like, I am on a pretty much constant bases generating lots and lots of anxiety and stess and fear energy in myself in relation to thoughts like "am I doing this right?", "What if I am failing at this?!", "What if I am busy doing it wrong?!", "What if I don't know what I am doing?!", "Are people still going to accept me if I do this wrong?", "I have to make sure that I do this right", "have to make sure I don't make any mistakes", "what if I screw up?!", "I don't want to face any consequences!", " What if all this goes wrong in my life?!", "What if I'm a failure?!"... You get the gist lol.

Looots of fear of "failure" and because of this, I'm also constantly subconsciously looking for a sense of reassurance as in a sense of relief from all this stress and anxiety around failing. Basically looking for something or someone to let me know and tell me, "hey Kim, it's OK. You're OK. You can relax. You're not doing anything wrong, you're fine." Even from my baby, from Marie, I'm looking for that sense of reassurance. These fears and anxieties are always in the background. Like I'm looking for some feedback, some confirmation from her that I'm an OK parent, that I'm doing well, that I'm not failing in this 'new job' of being a parent. 

And the reason I've been looking at this point in me is because I've been looking into living the principle of giving as I would like to receive - a principle I want to live as a parent - but I noticed that the only time I'm able to even see what Marie needs from me from moment to moment is when I am NOT existing in any state of anxiety within myself. When I'm existing in a point of self-fulfilment, as in 'I want, need or require nothing from my environment. I am fulfilled and complete.', then Marie comes more into focus and I see very clearly what she is asking for from me from moment to moment. Only when I am fulfilled and complete within myself and don't exist in want/need/desire, am I able to give unconditionally to another what I'd like to receive if I were in their shoes. 

So that motivated me to look at were and how am I existing in want/need/desire in relation to my environment - in relation to Marie specifically in this example. That question then opened up how indeed, I am CONSTANTLY in that state of "I want to feel reassured", even in relation to Marie, and so I'm never quite 'in tune with'or rather just seeing who she is and what she actually needs. Sure, I run around frantically often trying to satisfy her needs(or whatever needs I perceive in her) and end up feeling frazzled, exhausted and even more anxious, but don't actually ever give her what SHE really needs from me. I only give her what I think she might possibly want or need, yet leave her feeling unrecognized, unheard and unsupported in who she is and what her real needs are. 

So in every moment it's now my task to ask myself whether I'm wanting/needing/requiring anything from her and to support myself to snap out of it and stabilize myself, through using the Desteni tools of self-forgiveness and self-correction.

Sharing is caring

 Ok so this has been a bit of a 'tough delivery' lol, in terms of me starting to write and share myself again. And the thing is that I don't like to share when there is something 'off' about my starting point - when I get that wrought and disturbing kind of sense that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons or that there is just some point there that maybe I can't quite put my finger on but that's showing me that ah, ok it's not my 'pure' expression so to speak. I'm trying to maneuver or manipulate or control a particular point in my reality. But then the problem sort of becomes that I continue holding back, being 'shy' about my expression, to not share, not write, not express, and I become more and more reclusive and isolated - which is obviously also not a solution.

And as it turns out, I seem to have quite a bit of such 'dishonesties', as in hidden misalignments in my starting point, when it comes to my expression. So my 'solution' has been that 'ok well I just won't express myself at all anymore then'. Like 'if I don't do anything, I can't do any harm either'. But then I only end up hiding the points rather than really addressing and resolving or directing them. Because, the solution to the problem of 'expression', is also 'expression'. Even though I may not yet be aware of what all those misaligned points are, what the dishonesties are, who I am and how and why I am within my expression, that shouldn't necessarily keep me from expressing myself. 

It's more like, Ok I've been hiding myself. Hiding the 'truth' of myself so to speak. The fact that yes, I'm not 'pure' and I got a lot of shit going on. A lot of unresolved, undirected points that I haven't been changing - also interestingly due to not expressing them, not being honest and open and real about them with the world as me. Because that has in a way been my process, to I guess come out of hiding and accept myself and allow myself to express and share and be open about who I am and basically what all is there within me that I've been convincing myself I must hide and judge and stuff away, far away from anyone else to see.

I mean it's something I used to enjoy about process in fact, the 'radical honesty' within sharing openly all that is there, that is generally hidden. To allow it all to finally 'breathe', to no longer judge and to be like 'yes it's all nasty shit and the tendency is to want to hide and cover it up and keep up some kind of appearance but look it's what's here, it's reality, and that's OK in some way. At least it's Ok to look at it and be open and honest about it because it's things that we can change as long as there is that honesty and investigation and doing what it takes to change'. One of those things being writing and sharing about that process. Or at least for me it begins with writing, as a way of saying 'Ok well I know there's a lot of 'hidden' stuff and there's a lot of programming there to keep the hiding in place, but I'm at least taking steps in the direction of changing that. I'm at least standing up and doing what makes sense to me, rather than keeping the truth hidden just cause it seems that that's just what you do in this world'.

So seems I got a little 'off course' at some point, going more into hiding than openness and sharing. More into excuses, justifications, beliefs around why openness and sharing is bad and hiding is good. Why 'brutal' or radical honesty is to be avoided and why one must rather choose to be hidden behind layers and layers of fear basically - all the while making the truth of oneself more and more complicated, until honesty seems an impossible thing.

www.desteni.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

www.eqafe.com

The Words of Bernard Poolman - by Kim amourette

  This blog post is kind of in response to, or to add to, some discussion that’s opened up recently involving essentially ‘the words of Bernard Poolman’ and how there is such a trap of how his words can be used as a sort of gospel, where they are basically not questioned or verified according to one’s own living and experience but more used in the context of, ‘well he said that so it must be how it is’.

And I feel called upon to share my perspective because this is a trap I myself have fallen into to be sure. And in a way, from my perspective, given the way us humans are programmed on a mind-level, it’s very unlikely for any person to not fall into this trap, unless you’ve already prepared yourself throughout your lifetime to have a very strong sense of who you are when it comes to information, authority, the world system and your environment in general. I personally have not had that background. I’ve been extremely susceptible to influence, suggestion, instruction and just overall brainwashing lol, and it’s taken me years of walking my process to even arrive at this realization.

I’d even say that much of my process has been about taking the things Bernard has said to me or statements he’s made in general, which I’ve been using as guidelines on ‘how to properly walk my process’, and finding out who I actually am within it.  Learning how to be my own person and see things through my own eyes. Learning how to not religiously follow beliefs/statements/ideas, but becoming my own tool or means of assessment and discernment of what’s actually real.

There’s been a few things that stood out for me in terms of what he’s told me which, looking back on it now, actually just ended up creating more confusion and conflict in me than anything. A prime example is when on one occasion he said to me, “you just need to accept yourself”, but then in another instance told me that “you’ll be rejected by life if you dishonor yourself” lol. I just think that’s particularly funny, reading that again, because that one did such a number on my brain that I often think that probably if he had just not said anything to me I would have had a better shot of figuring this stuff out on my own sooner. Or rather, what he said in a way only pushed me, through the conflict it created in me, to realize that what he said doesn’t actually matter. Whether that was intentional from his side or not, I’ll never be able to verify, and in a way I’m thankful for the conflict because yes it did and still does continue to just push me to that point of saying, “you know what, fuck this lol. Screw following this information and trying to live by it and trying to be good and do the right thing. I’m here and I define me, not this stuff that I’ve been holding on to in my head cause it’s what I’ve been told at some point or another.”

Because at the end of the day I’ve found that what matters is just that I live and apply the tools, that I learn to trust myself and through testing and trying things out, learn for myself what life is all about. I have to admit that I had such a ‘religion-oriented’ mind-set that I automatically created a doctrine out of things that were said. I wasn’t even aware that I was doing it, and I have never consciously been ‘religious’. This is just unconscious mind preprogramming related to cultural/genetic history having unconscious influences in the way that I was brought up as well. I mean, no one can show you this stuff, in terms of how your mind picks things up and interprets information according to unconscious structures that have formed and I also don’t yet see all of it. But what I do see is from what I’ve been able to realize for myself, not because of what I’ve been told.

That’s just my personal experience when it comes to ‘the things Bernard Poolman said’ and how I’ve realized that, like with anything, it must be questioned and referenced to your own self-developed understanding of things and shouldn’t be used as a gospel to live by. The message has always been clear: sort yourself out by walking your process, using the tools, become your own master and leader and you’ll see for yourself what’s real and what’s not. 

 

 

www.desteni.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

www.eqafe.com

Understanding the Baby's Kicking - Adventures with QCK

 

This is another sort of 'eye-opening' point I've wanted to share with regards to my experiences so far during pregnancy, specifically working with QCK(Quantum Change Kinesiology). I mean working with QCK, as well as just having much experience with investigating/exploring the mind(see Desteni/DIP), I've learned to recognize and see the physical body and all possible physical sensations/experiences/pains/conditions/expressions as a sort of feedback 'tool' or 'machine' that appropriately shows you your 'real self' so to speak. Or it at least just shows you your deeper programming that you're not aware of as you go about your day/life on a purely conscious level. It's fascinating stuff.

But there was one thing I wasn't expecting as I'm working in this realm of 'body/mind communication' and that is that a developing baby/fetus in the womb also plays a role in this 'feedback machine' that is the physical body. Something that specifically becomes apparent when the baby starts 'kicking', or rather when you start feeling the kicks. Yes, I had my first moments of awe and endearment and the "omg, he/she is kicking!". You know, that new parent milestone that you get all excited about cause it reminds you of 'the miracle of life' growing inside you. Although, it's only when I started looking into these kicks and communicating with the baby every time I felt one that I realized they're not 'random', and certainly not all 'miracle of life' related. In fact, a lot of the time it's the baby communicating to me about what I am participating in in my mind. Basically him/her saying "stop it!", or "you need to look at this".

But the most fascinating of all is his/her participation when I am busy looking at/working through a point, not to mention when I am working with someone else in a QCK session. The baby will actually 'hold' the information of the point I'm working with, be it my own or that of a client, and will sometimes 'nudge' me in the right direction. That maybe sounds a bit technical or confusing, but yes lol. I am not entirely sure how it works or why this kind of 'support' is coming from the baby to be honest. This is about as far as my understanding has taken me. And this is all a very new kind of journey for me as well so I am also learning about all this as I go, through experience and practice and observation.

To maybe give you a practical example of how this goes down. Say I'm in a session with someone and we're tapping into/working with a particular subconscious personality design that's hiding on deeper layers of an issue they're dealing with. This personality being on a subconscious level alone requires me to see the information in myself first, since it is very likely that the person won't be aware of the subconscious personality if I tell them, "oh you are living a personality design of being rigid(just for example sake)". They'll go, "right, ehm, I guess?" I as the practitioner have to be the one to be able to show them exactly how and where and in what way they're living this thing, in a way that allows them to recognize it and relate to it within themselves and go, "ah yes, I see how I do this". And this can be tricky sometimes because basically now I need to be fully open and receptive to see/receive/tune into/experience what's on that very specific subconscious level of this person's mind, as well as be able to specify and articulate what it is that I'm seeing. This is all 'resonant work' and not necessarily something I'll be going into right now though (but, more than willing to answer questions in the comments section!).

So sometimes I'll get a little bit 'stuck', as in there just won't be anything coming up or I just don't immediately see anything. Usually that means that it is actually there and I am actually seeing it, I just don't know that I'm seeing it lol, because the point is so nuanced or subtle. Those are the times when the baby will give me a 'kick', or will shift positions or will even go into a 'pain' or 'discomfort' experience, basically to give me a 'physical reference point' for me to be able to better access the information. Physical reference point, as in it's just easier for me to 'draw'/read information from a tangible physical point, in terms of reading/accessing the mind/body relationship, than reading it 'out of thin air' so to speak. This 'reading the mind/body relationship' is a big part of the QCK work that I do, where I start from a physical point and then open that up into the resonant layers, or 'mind programming', existent within and behind it. So here the baby will support by positioning and placing itself ever so specifically. Almost physically embodying the point from the client for me so I can have a better 'feel' for it physically and am able to read it better. And yeah, it's as 'fantastical' as it sounds lol. To have my baby helping me out as I'm helping others, and to just have the baby's communication come through so clearly within all the different kicks, turns, positions and movements that it makes in there. And so the wild ride of pregnancy continues lol.

This is just me sharing what my experience has been so far with being pregnant and working with resonance through QCK. Sharing about the things that have kind of 'blown me out of the water' personally, as it's just things I never thought were possible. Not like I've ever read about women communicating with their baby through its kicking and movements in the womb. It is a 'direct' form of communication with reality that is very new to me, and as far as I know, to the world(or at least humanity). Something that's actually always been here, yet never realized or practiced because our minds have always gotten in the way. That's why I suppose you could say that QCK is about supporting in that process of deconstructing the mind. A tool of assistance and support for humanity to get to who we really are. Direct seeing, direct communication, and awareness of everything that is here. But we first have to walk our process through our own mind.

Investigate tools of support at Desteni, Desteni 'I' Process, DIP Lite, Eqafe, and at Space of Grace, where you can find me with QCK along with many other practitioners who each have their own modality of support and who work with the same principle of facilitating your process through the mind and "into" who you really are. 

 Contact me at Space of Grace, via Facebook or here in the comment section if you're curious to learn more about QCK and what I do exactly.

Kim

Mind Development in the Developing Fetus: A QCK Adventure

 

 

This one's another exciting story, albeit maybe also a bit bizarre, that I've been wanting to share about my 'adventures' with QCK, resonance and the developing baby fetus in my belly.Why I'm saying this story might be a bit bizarre is because it's not like one you'll have heard anywhere before. It covers topics that may be a bit hard to grasp at first, but they're fascinating nonetheless. Topics such as... gosh, where do I begin?! lol To be honest I am also learning about all this stuff as I go. It entails as much my process, as well as the baby's and the process I'm walking with QCK, in terms of investigating the relationship between the mind and the body (or, as I've more specifically described before, how I work with 'resonance'). Again not going to go into the specifics of what 'resonance' is, but I am more than happy to answer questions in the comment section!

Anyways! Let's just get into it. A little while ago, without any clear reason or cause, I suddenly started experiencing abdominal cramps. At first, obviously thinking nothing of it cause when you're pregnant you experience cramps for numerous reasons; constipation, bloatedness, being gassy, the uterus expanding and what not. Then I felt my body going into a state of 'panic', like 'Ok, something's happening that is not normal!' Kind of like a red alarm going off inside. Physically it felt like I was going to have my period, that sinking feeling in the pelvis that feels like things are going to be pushed out and released. The cramping worsened, I started to feel extremely faint like I was going to pass out and things no longer felt like 'they were going to pass', like I just need to 'wait it out'. They felt as though my body was in a state of emergency and I may be needing a trip to the hospital.

While all these physical symptoms were going on, I was doing what I usually do whenever I'm experiencing any pain, discomfort or strange experience in my belly. I check the resonance, or in other words I check the link between the physical and the mind. And here I have a few check points that I go through to determine whether it is me or the baby and then what the actual point is that's causing the physical discomfort. And a point that came through very strongly in the baby's resonance was that he 'wanted out!'. That, with looking at all of what I have been going through in my personal life, the emotions that's been bringing up, and looking at what that will mean in terms of the environment he's going to be born into, he's opting to rather evacuate right now. And I can't say that I could disagree with how he was seeing things. That, sure yes I was 'busy changing' and 'working on' all the issues he was seeing, but unfortunately for me, 'just not fast enough'. That there is such a point as 'too late'. His decision was made, he's not waiting for me any longer. 

So as I was mentally preparing myself for a possible miscarriage, I thought 'Ok, well maybe this isn't necessarily how it needs to be, and maybe there's a point here that I can address with QCK', because I've learned by now that you wouldn't believe how many experiences and ways of seeing things - that, sure, feel very 'real' in the moment - are actually systems in the mind and can be 'deprogrammed'. You're just not aware of the mechanics behind 'why' you feel and see things the way you do and so will accept it as 'real'. With a QCK session those mechanics become exposed and so you're able to more easily let things go or work through them.

Now, a session goes as follows: I will do a lot of 'checking' and cross-referencing points. Like in this case I checked obviously, 'Ok, is this actually a mind-system the baby and me is accessing or is this a real thing?' This cross-referenced as 'yes, it's a mind-system'. Now the interesting thing as well as we go through a session, with each check-point so to speak, is that there is a 'release' that happens. Some of the tension that's been built up emotionally/mentally within the mind-system will relax and release each time a particular layer of it has been identified and realized. For instance, just with realizing that 'Ok, this isn't actually real, it's a mind-system that I can address, direct and change', already removed some of the stress or sense of 'urgency' of the overall experience. The next checkpoint is then of course 'well, what mind-system are we dealing with here?'

Here is where I work with a lot of information that I've developed over the years with Andrea Rossouw, and is something we're able to use as our blueprint in navigating the mind in a session. It's a way of organizing the jumble of whatever we are going through inside into comprehensible terminology that allows us to see clearly and work with the different components of how the mind operates (and makes things seem so 'real' when they're actually not). I suppose you could say it helps 'place things into perspective'. 

The mind-system that cross-referenced here was a personality design of being 'grim'. Grim as in, perceiving and seeing the world in a particularly gloomy, dark, pessimistic and overall negative way. So in short, the baby was actually accessing this personality design, which he'd copied from me, and was deciding that he 'wanted out' because - being in this personality design - he could not see any potential, possibility, hope or opportunity for things to get better, to change and be good. He was seeing his world in the worst possible way and so his conclusion or 'solution' was the worst possible option. So realizing this as a personality design wasn't just a learning-lesson for the baby, but also for me, since I'd been wholeheartedly agreeing with everything he was seeing and deciding throughout the whole thing. I too was living this personality design of being quite grim in how I tend to perceive things. Assuming the worst, rather than creating and allowing space for things to turn out good. This was another moment of 'release', with realizing 'oooh ok, so I'm not actually seeing reality but more an interpretation or perception of it based on some deeper programming that's causing me to see the worst in things'.

From here the session went into this 'deeper programming', which lasted all throughout the evening, as well as the next few days to really get to the bottom of the thing. As in, where does this one 'perception/interpretation' of reality, this one pattern and tendency of being 'grim', originate from? Throughout it all, using my body, and whatever cramps/discomforts were still there, as a cross-reference and a guide to let me know there's still more to look at. Until the last layer had been uncovered and the body felt settled, present and comfortable. In these kind of sessions we really venture into places that have been 'locked away' in different layers of our awareness, so yes it can take a while to open up all of those 'locked doors' as we sink deeper and deeper into ourselves. This one took me on a ride, not just through my own sub- and unconscious mind, but also my partner's - the baby's father - which was all forming part of the baby's already programmed 'mindset'.

Suffice to say that pregnancy has definitely had it's 'surprises' for me so far, in terms of opening up so much more for me in my ability to work with QCK. It hasn't all just been due to being pregnant, I've also just been working with myself a lot more, working with Joe Kou as a life coach, and just cranking my own process up a notch. All that, and having this 'extra perspective' through the baby has added to developing an extreme depth, compared to what I was working with before, as I work with myself and other people in QCK sessions. Absolutely fascinating stuff. So that's all for this 'adventure'. If this is all wild and bizarre to you, that's normal lol. We're not used to working on this level, with resonance, mind programming and the mind and body relationship. This all only opened up and started for me because I've been walking with Desteni and have been walking my Desteni 'I' Process for such a long time. In a way seeing the 'fabric of the universe' as resonance.

I do QCK sessions, not for the faint-hearted, where I take you down deep into your programming and where we have a look at what's at the origin of whatever you're dealing with. Come check me out at Space of Grace, or find me on Facebook. I invite and welcome conversations and questions to better understand all this stuff. Or any inquiries about QCK sessions, resonance, mind-body relationship or mind programming, don't hesitate to send my way.

 

Working through my Resonant Design with QCK

One thing I've found QCK sessions, or my work with 'resonance', are useful for is FEAR. What I mean by that is that personally I'd say I am a very 'fearful' person, and I have never found a very effective way of dealing with those fears. I've tried many things growing up with all these intense experiences of anxiety, insecurity and nervousness that I'd so often go through, not to mention the thoughts accompanying those experiences! Oh the thoughts! lol Fear can really send your thoughts into a tailspin, and it's a rough ride when you're not able to assess what is purely your mind's imagination and what is reality. And that rabbit hole goes deep too. Meaning, the levels on which fear can have a hold on your perception of reality. It's just extensive. And so is the process you have to walk to sift through all those levels and ultimately get to a point of groundedness. And my process has been a loooong one.

What QCK has just supported me with is to discern what's 'my mind' from what's real. To learn and find out that even, and mostly, those experiences that 'felt so real' were actually not reality at all, but were just sort of 'remnants' or 'resonants'. My 'resonant design', made up of whatever memories I've stored in unconscious ways that are now distinctively 'resonating' through my mind in the form of 'experiences'.  That all might sound a bit complicated, but it's to say that you end up taking so many things about how you see and perceive the world and how you experience yourself for granted, because most of it is, well, just not real. And the key is to find the memories that are anchored and stored away and are busy resonating. Cause if you don't, you're always sort of wandering in the dark inside your own mind, in all of these experiences, just trying to find a slice of the 'real you'.

And it took me long enough, but as I mentioned in my previous post, being pregnant has urged me to start using QCK to take on every point inside myself I could see I was stuck on. And that wasn't in the least because just the whole physical sensation of being pregnant and whatever that does to the body (especially in the beginning!) seemed to amplify and magnify many of my mental/emotional patterns (especially the extremely uncomfortable ones). Aside from that, there was also my resolve - with realizing I am becoming a PARENT! - that 'all this ends with me'. I may have been allowing all of this uncomfortable stuff inside myself for way too long, but I will not saddle a child, my child, with it too. 

It really only took a few good, deep sessions with myself to find a way and clear a path for myself through things I've been stuck in within my mind for what seems like forever. At least most of my life. So many experiences I took for granted, believed to be real, and allowed myself to suffer through for so long, now just 'debunked' and cleared up in the span of maybe a few weeks. And for someone who has a 'fearful mind', I couldn't be more grateful that for the first time I was able to understand the mechanics of it all, instead of being swept away by the currents of fear resonating from the depths of my unconscious. I could give things a place and place myself into perspective. No longer thinking 'there's something grievously wrong with me', which is what you often end up feeling and believing when you suffer from massive anxiety and panic-attacks. The solution to all these things was now just a session away, and it's been glorious.

If you're at all curious about QCK and you feel like it might support you, don't hesitate to reach out to kim_amourette@hotmail.com. I'm also on Facebook if you feel more comfortable sending me a message there. Dealing with anxiety is tough, and if I can in any way be a point of support in that journey, through QCK, and working with others the way I've worked with myself, then I am here.

Kim Amourette