I'm the Best Slave

This is a continuation of my previous post "Things are Not Alright"

COMPARISON is like saying "oh I'm just a slave. And I'm just trying to be the best slave I can be, so therefore I compare myself to all the other slaves to try and figure out how to be a good slave". I mean, cause to be a 'creator' obviously there'd be no comparison. Cause you would stand alone. You would be 'unique'. Only a 'slave', something that doesn't 'exist' in and of itself and something that isn't the 'master' of it's own existence, would thus 'compare itself'.

And I've been coming to grips with the extent to which I have indeed accepted and allowed myself as a 'slave'. Truly doing nothing but compare myself with 'other people' from that starting point of 'I just want to know how to be and what to do so I can be good'. So I can 'fit in', and basically 'do my job' as a 'good slave'. And just how little I've ever really done anything that was 'self-directed', if anything at all.

Cause, when it comes to thoughts and feelings and emotions, I've never been like, "wait a minute... this isn't me!" I just accepted that, just because they're in a way 'already here', they must be me. They must be 'reality'. Accepting myself as 'the created', or 'the creation'. And, not even as 'creation' actually, because then at least I would realize the oneness and equality of everything in and as me. No, I am only 'the created'. A thing that has no self-power, no self-will or self-direction. A 'victim' of who- or whatever it is that might have 'created me', AND of that which I'm supposed to be as 'the created'.

So how does that 'slave', the 'created', something that doesn't in fact 'exist', become 'the creator' - become self-willed, self-aware and 'real'? That's where DIP comes in. I mean it literally walks you through that process of what it means to be truly 'self-aware'. Through a process of 'specificity'. And, there's really no other way. You have to get SPECIFIC with exactly HOW you are 'not real', and with what it means to be 'real'. Taking ownership of every little aspect of yourself.

And the 'mind of the slave' is like 'allergic' to specificity lol. And so will RESIST that process immensely. But, if you want to be 'real', it's just something you need to 'get over' and 'get used to' basically. Cause it's going to be there every step of the way. So, resistance is like your 'marker' in your process of becoming real.

And what if I am a Piece of Shit?

This is a continuation of my previous post "To be Self-Honest"

I always felt like a victim of 'strictness' and 'judgment'. Cause, "it makes me feel so bad about myself! So it must be bad!" And all those in my world and reality whom I felt judged or criticized me or pointed out my flaws or suggested that I 'try harder' or 'be better', I would blame for apparently 'abusing me'. For being 'too harsh' and 'inconsiderate' or 'controlling'. For not 'caring' enough about me.

I see now that such was actually the extent of my ego that I would simply invent and use any reason and excuse to not listen and actually consider the words that were spoken to me, which did in fact always hold some 'truth'. I would 'feel offended', making myself all 'sensitive', as though I 'can't handle' any 'harsh truth'. I mean what better way to make sure I never actually change?! By creating a 'personality' out of simply not listening to anything that might in any way show me what I'm accepting and allowing.

If anything what I have realized is that the ONLY thing that will in fact support me to change, is to be 'strict' and 'harsh' with myself. To stop 'sugar-coating' and beating around the bush and being all 'careful'. To stop assuming that I am 'too sensitive' to handle anything 'harsh'. I mean fuck, if I am truly 'life' itself, then I should be able to handle EVERYTHING. So any idea about being 'emotionally sensitive' is just an excuse to continue kidding myself and not take responsibility for all the actual SHIT that exists within and as me. And truly, none of it is in any way pretty, or nice, or 'good'. The reality is that I am an abuser, a deceiver, consumed by self-interest and devoid of care. A true 'piece of shit'. And the only way to change any of that, is to first of all get real with myself and stop pretending that I am just a 'dear little soul'. To step out of the position of the victim and stand in the point of the creator. As in, the one who's created this disgrace of a reality. The one who's responsible for all this, and the one who needs to stop it.