Is Existing in Fear 'Normal'?

This is a continuation of my previous post "Who Am I?"

And so it's basically about the point of 'passion'. Cause passion is in a way something 'fragile' or 'vulnerable'. Like there will always be so many 'reasons' that the mind can come up with to make me abandon my 'passion'. To make me abandon myself. Like reasons for why my passion is stupid and why i shouldn't go there and shouldnt do it and why i shouldnt be 'passionate'. Why its better to just hide behind fear and be 'dead' inside. Since that's what fear really does. It kills the 'life' inside you, which is 'passion'.

It's that point of 'innocence'. A sort of innocent 'movement' towards something because 'in your heart' that's what's 'real'. And it will be something that you sort of stand alone in, and that seems to 'go against' the 'status quo' and the 'normal', because simply put, in this world people are 'dead'. People exist in fear and that's consider the 'normal'. Passion as 'innocence' is abandoned, cause it's 'too vulnerable', 'too real', 'too fragile'.

And here I am, having abandoned my passion just the same. Even when I did become aware of it. And even when I did realize that it's the only thing that's real. I just went right back into the 'normal' as 'fear'. Knowing that I 'lost' something, and that I'm not quite 'me'. But not being able to even see 'how' or what's going on exactly. Not even being aware that I made that decision, to abandon my passion.

Cause it's hiding, and has been hiding throughout my entire life, behind layers and layers of mind consciousness system programming that is the very opposite of my 'passion'. And so now I must still walk through those layers. And start understanding why and how I've created those layers and chose to abandon my passion. Walk through years and years and years of programming. And keep reminding myself of who I really am. Of my passion, hiding underneath it all. Because before I know it, I lose myself in the programming again and 'forget'. So I walk DIP, and write my blogs, to support myself to 'be on top of it'.

Giving your all within going for what you want

This is a continuation of the previous post "To be Passionate"

One 'trap' of the ego that I fell into which I did not realize - because I did not question it - is arrogance. Thinking that I've got something. Thinking that life will come to me instead of understanding that I must go to it, because I'm 'special'.

I don't really have to put in the work. I don't have to really challenge or push myself. In a way 'I'm already there'. I'm just that special. Meanwhile thinking and believing that I'm humble.

Of course I would think that I am humble, because I am not in fact humble in reality. If I was humble in fact, there is no way that I would EVER think that I am. I would just be it. Cause I would realize that it takes HARD WORK to be anything real. It takes hard work and never assuming that you've 'reached' anything. It has to be here. Meaning it has to be evident. Not just a thought, belief or assumption. It has to be living proof.

I believed that I just deserve good things. I don't need to really work for it and prove myself worthy. I just deserve it, because I am special. That's arrogance.

To be humble is to realize and understand that I 'deserve' nothing. To not 'assume' anything. If I want something, I need to work for it. I must be PASSIONATE about it. As in state, "Yes, this is what I want! And I will do anything to make it a reality!"

Guess I'll need to revisit my definition of 'passion' which I shared in my post "To be Passionate" lol. To be passionate is to go for what you want BUT to not be 'patient'. To not expect or assume that things will come to you. To rather 'take matters into your own hands' and 'give it your all' to make it happen.

There is humbleness in that. You have to humble yourself to say "I don't have this yet" or "I don't deserve this yet" BUT I will do anything to make this happen because it's what I WANT.