I am the Best

This is a continuation of my previous post "Are you Highly Sensitive?"

Something that I have found like a 'life-saver', as in something that's really made a difference in terms of getting out of my mind, is the realization that there is actually something to 'learn' from other people lol.

Cause honestly, deep down I always thought that I am truly 'all that'. That I'm 'the bees knees'. Cream of the crop. Ain't nobody better. And that I thus don't really need to get to know other people, cause, well if I'm the best then what do other people have to show me that I don't already know?

In a way I couldn't fathom that I am not 'the best', in terms of 'the most' self-honest, self-responsible, principled, disciplined, etcetera. I mean yes I know, the arrogance lol, but that is exactly what I thought of myself. But all it really was, was just a fear of 'failing', of being 'behind' and actually being 'the slow one'. I mean, clearly this logic is quite flawed as obviously in order to get anywhere, you need to 'learn'. You need to make yourself small and humble. Like, the opposite of what I was making myself. AND you need to actually engage with your reality, with other people, and get to know them, to find out what there is to learn in fact.

And even though it was a little 'painful' at first lol, when I finally did clue in on reality, it was quite a RELIEF. It's like I finally came down from that hot-air balloon I'd lifted myself up into, and found myself actually just 'here', together with everyone else that's just 'here'. I found that I am not 'alone'. And that 'we're all in this together'. That basically, none are free until all are free. And in that, there is no 'best' or 'better', but we do all have a responsibility to be a 'front-runner' in the ways we see we can be. Because, if we don't do it, then who will?

When it's Too Late

This is a continuation of my previous post "Life is about Greatness"

You don't want to be at that point of realizing that you've been replaced. It is the greatest, deepest pit of regret and shame you will ever find yourself in. To realize that you were given every opportunity, but you squandered it. Because, you chose to 'fuck around' in the mind. Because there was a point you were just not quite willing to let go of, just yet. Because you thought, "What's the harm in delaying things just a little bit more?"

Because you just did not push yourself hard enough to realize and recognize your own importance and relevance in life and existence. And now it is 'too late'. And there is nothing you can do. You do NOT want to be at the point of 'too late-ness'. To see all the ways you 'could have' and 'should have' been 'if only' you'd pushed yourself more. AND, to see who and how you 'could have been' lived by someone else. Someone who did push themselves. Someone who was more self-honest and principled than you were. Someone who 'stood' where you did not.

All you can do at that point is humble yourself before life and existence and hope that it's not ACTUALLY 'too late'. As in, that there is still a 'chance', a 'purpose' for you. And, I mean, if you can prove that you can 'stand', that you are committed and dedicated - then life will find a new position for you.

I've stood at that point. Of realizing I had been replaced. That my initial 'purpose' had been 'carried over' to someone else. Someone who simply turned out to be more self-honest. And let me tell you, it is quite the wake-up call lol

BUT what I have found is that now at least I 'know where I stand'. And that means that at least I have a 'starting point'. To start walking from 'where I'm at', rather than from where I feel or believe I'm at. And it's a point that 'keeps me real'. A point to remind me not to lose myself in delusions of grandeur, but to stay humble, and walk with my both feet on the ground.

Live by Principles so you can be Trusted

This is a continuation of my previous post "Checking in with the Real You"

The thing, or the 'problem', with the positive stuff, is mostly that you lose your sense of responsibility. It just takes you away from 'here'. You lose your 'footing' as you start 'floating' in a way on that 'vibe' of whatever energy you're 'vibrating' on.

Almost, and actually very much lol, as though you're starting to exist on a different plane. Or an alternate existence. An existence where all that 'exists' is the energy you chose to seep into. And, it's a 'seeping', because it just happens so gradually. Not like you cross a clear and obvious line from one dimension or reality to the next. It's more like a 'trickle'. Slowly but surely your awareness, and 'you' pretty much, starts seeping into this 'pocket', or 'bubble' of energy - lured in by the call of whatever desire you're still suppressing.

You may think you're being self honest, but you're not lol

So then, how do you measure self-honesty? How do you make sure that you remain self-honest in every moment? That you stay 'here', present, responsible. To basically avoid having to at some point realize that you got lost in an alternate dimension and then have to face the consequences of not having stood in responsibility for all the ripple effects of every action in every moment. Cause, that's tough. To have to stand at that point of consequence.

The only way you measure anything really, which is in the physical. You need to have principles in place. Principles to live by. If you can live by those principles, then you know you're self-honest. Without principles, there's no responsibility for anything. And you'll be directed, influenced and defined by desires.

Principles is what 'makes the world go round'. Literally lol. Every 'law' nature and the physical reality follows is a principle. Because, it is that which is 'lived by'. That which is never compromised. That which can be trusted. It's why human beings cannot be trusted. Because they don't live by principles.

The one principle I abandoned, where I created a lot of 'tough to face'-consequences for myself, was to walk with the group. Where I started thinking that 'I'm better off alone'. And started trusting more in 'myself' than in 'the group'. That may sound strange, but yes actually the group does 'know better'. And if you find yourself veering off 'on your own' - that's ego my friend. It takes a certain humbleness to walk with a group. And that humbleness is what I abandoned.

To Earn Your Freedom

This is a continuation from my previous post "There's Something Wrong Here..."

Laziness is the suppressed version of self-judgment. So - find the self-judgment, set yourself free from the judgment itself and then you won't need laziness to hide in. Remember, that - the desire that forced you into judgment, and eventual laziness is still your master. Don't judge your master - serve your master, until you are equal to your master and then decide to direct you.

Bernard Poolman

"To admit to yourself that there is a master you are serving." It's to bring the desires you've been holding on to, hiding and suppressing, 'here'. Be real about the fact that, yes, as long as 'who and how you are' is influenced and directed by these desires, you are a slave to it. So, you must stand in that self-honesty. Stand as the slave that you are and have allowed yourself to become.

As how things are right now, you are in the service of these desires. That's all that you are. And if you ever want to be any 'more' than that, you're going to have to start from 'where you're at'. How does a slave break free from its master? By being arrogant and thinking that he's better than a slave? Fat chance. That will just get you in trouble!

It's by keeping your head down, 'playing the system', and 'earning' your freedom. And in the meantime, yes, joining movements and putting in effort to - in a peaceful way - change 'slavery' altogether. Changing the greater system that's creating this 'slave-master' relationship.

But when it comes to changing that direct slave/master relationship, there has to be a humbleness. An 'accepting your place'. As a slave, you don't have any power to just stand up and say "fuck this, I'm outta here!" And, the more you fight, resist and struggle, the more you're going to be shown your place! So, you have to humble yourself 'before your master'. And say, "I will work hard and do what it takes to earn my freedom!"

Because, freedom is something you must be 'granted'. It's not something you can just take. When you try to 'take' it, there's going to be war. And in a way doing it that way is more like a laziness. You just don't want to put the work and effort in. You'll rather just react, act out, throw a tantrum, and expect reality to shape itself according to your wants and needs. With a lot of unnecessary suffering and consequences as a result.

Real freedom is something that you've worked hard for. Something you know you 'deserve' and have 'earned', because of the work that you've put in. Where you've walked a process to prove that you stand equal to your 'master' and that you have now mastered yourself.

What I must do as a Human Being on Earth

This is a continuation of the previous post "The Hell we make Ourselves"

Imagine the entire future of earth being solely in YOUR hands. Imagine the absolute specificity that would be required from you. In my post "To be Passionate" I looked at how that absolute specificity actually already exists in how the body functions. In order for it to function properly and live and thrive, the heart must be constantly pumping. The cells must be constantly moving. Every little process must be in every moment 'on point' and 'giving its all', not missing a beat. I mean, THAT is specificity. Everything must be 'in tune with' and 'tuned into' it's purpose, and function solely according to that purpose - to support the body's overall health.

I know that I myself am definitely not living that specificity yet. Cause there are just so many moments wherein I am not present. Moments wherein I 'drift off' into imagination or some thought-pattern or feeling or emotion. Where I 'lose touch' and 'lose track' of what's here and of my 'purpose', to take care of this world and support it's overall health. Just like the cells in the body have that purpose, such is also my purpose as a human being on planet earth. To truly be aware in every moment of what my 'role' is in the whole of this existence and what I must do to ensure the optimal functioning and thriving of existence.

It is actually shocking to think that I have never even considered or realized myself as being like a 'cell' within the body. Because, that is literally what I am - a cell in/on the body of earth. My actions, participation and interactions have an impact on the world that I live in, in the exact same way that the actions of the cells in the body impact the body. So why would I expect all the cells in the body to 'do their job' to keep me healthy and alive, while not having that same expectation of myself? Why should I not be equal to a cell in the body and what is expected of that cell?

Giving your all within going for what you want

This is a continuation of the previous post "To be Passionate"

One 'trap' of the ego that I fell into which I did not realize - because I did not question it - is arrogance. Thinking that I've got something. Thinking that life will come to me instead of understanding that I must go to it, because I'm 'special'.

I don't really have to put in the work. I don't have to really challenge or push myself. In a way 'I'm already there'. I'm just that special. Meanwhile thinking and believing that I'm humble.

Of course I would think that I am humble, because I am not in fact humble in reality. If I was humble in fact, there is no way that I would EVER think that I am. I would just be it. Cause I would realize that it takes HARD WORK to be anything real. It takes hard work and never assuming that you've 'reached' anything. It has to be here. Meaning it has to be evident. Not just a thought, belief or assumption. It has to be living proof.

I believed that I just deserve good things. I don't need to really work for it and prove myself worthy. I just deserve it, because I am special. That's arrogance.

To be humble is to realize and understand that I 'deserve' nothing. To not 'assume' anything. If I want something, I need to work for it. I must be PASSIONATE about it. As in state, "Yes, this is what I want! And I will do anything to make it a reality!"

Guess I'll need to revisit my definition of 'passion' which I shared in my post "To be Passionate" lol. To be passionate is to go for what you want BUT to not be 'patient'. To not expect or assume that things will come to you. To rather 'take matters into your own hands' and 'give it your all' to make it happen.

There is humbleness in that. You have to humble yourself to say "I don't have this yet" or "I don't deserve this yet" BUT I will do anything to make this happen because it's what I WANT.

How is Blame a Laziness of Self?

This is a continuation from the previous blog post "What does it really mean to care for others?"

A place where I can already see that I can start applying that self-honesty and humbleness is in relation to my thoughts and reactions to other people. I've noticed that when it comes to other people I have actually been thinking and believing myself to be 'self-honest' and 'humble' yet when I had a real honest look at my actual thoughts then I had to realize that I'm actually not at all!

There's a lot of thoughts and reactions I 'let slide'. Mostly it's reactions and thoughts of judgment where I'm judging someone for not being more like who I believe I am or should be. That means that what I judge about people is when I perceive they're not being humble. There's a reaction of annoyance or even hate that comes up in me, it's a pretty intense reaction.

So, why is there such an intense reaction to this particular point? Really it's cause I see them do what I am actually secretly doing in my own mind. I am not humble at all within my mind. I do the equivalent of boasting and attention-seeking in my mind. I react so intensely to others doing it because it's just something that I am not honest about with myself. So, my reaction is there to show me what I am not being self-honest about. I mean, as I realized in the previous post, I don't know how to really be humble because I've just never done it.

So one way I can practically start applying and living humbleness in these situations is to, whenever I find myself reacting to how I see someone else behaving, immediately look at what my reaction is showing me about what I'm not being honest about with myself. To immediately realize that this reaction is about me, not the other person. It's for me to learn from about myself.

Humbleness is thus like the reverse of blame. Where, in blame you point fingers outward, like arrows shooting out, but with humbleness all the fingers or arrows point towards self. There's very much a self-responsibility. There's also a lot more effort involved with being humble, because now I actually have to take ownership of what I used to just blame or project on others.

Blame is very much like laziness. It's laziness of self. Maybe that's why it's called 'B-lame'. It's easy to blame another person. It takes a lot more effort to actually look into "OK why am I reacting this way, what can I learn from this reaction and how can I do things differently?"

I've definitely been very lazy throughout my life. Never really put much effort into my life and was rather chasing quick energy fixes instead of working and building on something that will pay off in the long run. I'm realizing that that laziness also exists on an internal level in terms of just not being humble. But it's funny that I would then go and think of myself as 'humble' when it's actually the complete reverse.