Excitement vs Enjoyment

This is a continuation of my previous post "So you want to be Special"

So I do get excited sometimes. And it's like a genuine excitement, about something 'real'.  Like getting excited about about people. Yes lol, I get excited about people. More specifically, I get excited about supporting people. And not just people. I get excited about knowing that I have a certain 'purpose' in existence. Or rather, that I am 'serving' a purpose. That I am actually building and supporting real 'connections', real communication and am assisting and supporting 'existence' to come through and 'flourish' within myself and others.

I mean, that's REAL excitement. Because it's not just about ME. It's not about my ego and it's not just a personal thing. It's about 'existence'. And I don't even care that it's not about 'me'. That's kind of how I know it's 'real' lol. But something I've also noticed is that there are already 'preprogrammed pathways' for that excitement to be channeled into. And, those pathways then fuel things that are actually the OPPOSITE of what the excitement was originally about.

For instance, my excitement about being a point of support and about connecting with others, will get channeled into thoughts about myself and my 'self-importance'. And so what started as a genuine expression of care and support, turns into ego as a desire to be special. And a genuine enjoyment within connecting with others, becomes a separation, disconnection and isolation. It's just the preprogrammed 'system' of thoughts that the excitement energy gets channeled into.

So does that then mean that you can't get excited about things, even if it's 'genuine'? Sort of, yes. Or rather its more about still remaining stable within the excitement, and so not allowing the excitement to sort of 'get away from you'. You still have to be 'here', stable, with both feet on the ground. So it has to be a 'grounded excitement'. The way that excitement energy is programmed however, IS to take you away from yourself. Where the energy sort of becomes 'more' than you and you 'lose' yourself in the experience. So I guess instead of it being an 'excitement', it needs to be just an 'enjoyment'. Like, just a recognition that "I enjoy this", rather than it being like an "Oh my Goooooood!! Eeeeeeeeeeek!!!" lol

What are you Waiting for?

This is a continuation of my previous post "Are you Worthy?"

I haven't just been 'lazy' on a physical level. I was lazy on a BEINGNESS level. I realized pretty early on that I was 'more intelligent' than most people. And, I wasn't 'intelligent' in terms of having the ability to retain and regurgitate a lot of information. In terms of 'memorizing' and stuff. I was intelligent in that I could see that people were all just living out 'programming'. That people were very 'predictable'.

I realized that I never needed to make much of an effort to be 'good at things'. And that, when it came to people - because they were living such predictable programming, I realized it was just a matter of 'pushing the right buttons' to get the right response. It was easy. 'Life' was easy. I never felt 'challenged' by anything. And when I did put effort into something, people were amazed, in awe, flabbergasted!

So, to be honest, I never saw much of a reason to really put effort into things. If you're only competing against yourself, there's not much of a competition.

Sounds pretty arrogant, doesn't it? That's cause it is! lol Laziness. Arrogance. It's the same thing. You get to the point of laziness when arrogance has reached an absolute peak. When you stand all alone on that mountain top, and you think "what is there left for me to climb?" So then you just sit down. And you wait. And you do nothing.

But there is one 'life lesson' I wish I had understood. "With great power comes great responsibility." You think that 'being more intelligent' makes you 'special'? You think that this is what life - your life - is all about? Just one big competition for ultimate 'specialness'? Just a 'race to the top' and who gets to the top 'wins the game' and doesn't have to 'play' anymore?

IF you have such 'great intelligence', then it's not 'yours to keep'. Whatever skill, talent or ability you have, is to benefit and serve existence as a whole. THAT is the real purpose of your skill, of your existence. You are a part, an expression of existence. And your expression is supposed to support and compliment existence AS yourself. So what are you doing using it as something to separate yourself from existence so you can create the illusion that you're "special"?

Maybe this apparent 'superior intelligence' point really did have a real potential. Maybe it just meant that I happen to be good at 'seeing' or 'being real'. But I will never know, because I 'perverted' it so I could participate in the illusion of 'specialness'. I squandered that potential because I wanted to feel 'special'.