When you're standing behind the scenes, you're still abusing

 This is a continuation of my previous post "The Road of the Least Resistance"


This is one of those sort of 'tricky' points to really see or be aware of. So when you see them, you have to grab them with both hands and write them down and open them up immediately lol. Cause they'll slip through the cracks of your awareness just as fast and disappear. I mean it's something I've been living yet have not been aware of it whatsoever. Or rather did not see it for what it was, and did not question it.

And it occurred to me as I was reading through one of the lessons in DIP Lite. In particular this paragraph:

In this, choice plays an intricate role that those discerning with common sense will realize. The actual choice is a directive principle within self-realised common sense – by which, and as which, you stand and thus, become – and not waver/alter even one inch/refraction – but stand as it, by it, as yourself, until it is done. This is not ‘choice’ from a polarity-reality where choice exists within this reality of mind, defined by ‘options’ as ‘free will’. This choice is an absolute standing as emergence of self; here as all as one as equal as Life.

I asked myself, am I living this 'choice'? Have I truly made this 'choice' for myself? I always ASSUMED I had, because I am 'walking with Desteni' and I am 'applying self-forgiveness'. Yet, if I'm being honest, there is 'something' there. Some part of me where I am not entirely 'standing'. Where I still hold back. So I asked myself, 'why? What am I holding back for?' Not having made the ABSOLUTE UNWAVERING choice, but still somewhere somehow allowing a 'backdoor'. An opportunity and possibility to still 'abuse'. To still have the illusion of 'free choice' or 'free will'. An attitude of being 'non-committal'.

And essentially a habit of 'getting things my way'. A habit of, if I end up not liking something, then I don't have to do it anymore. It's definitely in a way having a 'weak constitution'. Allowing that 'weakness' and almost a point of 'cowardliness'. Like saying to myself "it's Ok to be weak and not follow through on something when it gets tough". So I always hold that backdoor open to myself, 'just for in case things get tough and I feel like retreating'.


And so I also tend to not throw myself into the action so to speak. Going ‘full throttle’. I’ll more sit back, stay ‘behind the scenes’. Going, ‘well, I’m still participating’, but I’m staying in the ‘middle-ground’, kind of having one foot in one world and one foot in the other. Not wanting to commit because, well if I commit ‘and it doesn’t work out’, then what?

And it’s fascinating how I’ve lived my life like that. Never committing to anything because of this mantra of ‘what if it doesn’t work out, then I’ll be stuck?!’ I wanted to rather just hang out in the middle ground, keeping all my options open. So that I could choose what works out best for me when I want it. Believing that ‘all roads lead to Rome’. That if I don’t move and commit to walking one single road, I’ll have access to all roads and I will ‘have it all’. And this logic always seemed so intelligent. That, I’m just being smart about things. In a way it’s similar to trying to be a ‘Jack of all trades’. Trying to have my finger in every pot. So that, if one thing doesn’t work out, well then I still have all these other options. I don’t have to go under completely along with it.

But I never realized or considered that ‘commitment’ isn’t necessarily about ‘what I do’ as much as about ‘who I am’. Commitment is about DECIDING ‘who I am’, what I stand for, and clearly defining my SELF. It’s always been easy to be ‘non-committal’ about things in this world, like what job am I going to do, or what do I want to go and study or what hobbies do I want to pursue, cause it all seemed so ‘empty’ and ‘meaningless’ anyways. In a world where life is not honored in a systematic way, how can anything you do within that system have any worth?

And so my experience around the word ‘commitment’ had been defined within this experience of purposelessness. That, nothing means anything anyways so whatever you commit yourself to will be meaningless as well. And, I’ve hidden behind that belief. That at the end of the day, everything is meaningless anyways and it doesn’t matter what you commit to. And foregoing the fact that actually, there is a choice. And that, not making that deliberate CHOICE, still means you are choosing. If you don’t deliberately CHOOSE life, then you choose abuse. There is no ‘middle-ground’. It is all or nothing. It is simple. And to CHOOSE is to COMMIT. To be all in. No matter what. Come what may. To throw yourself into the action. To be on the forefront. To lead. And to be a ‘leading example’ of ‘what you stand for’ and ‘what you are committed to’.




www.desteni.org
www.destonians.com
www.desteniiprocess.com
www.eqafe.com

The Power of FORGIVENESS

This is a continuation of my previous blog "The Harm and Damage Energy does to the Body"

It’s hard to believe that after over ten years of walking with desteni and applying self-forgiveness DAILY, that I’m only now really starting to understand what the word ‘forgiveness’ actually means lol. I mean of course I did look at the word before and tried to define it, but only now did I REAL-EYES what the word is as a LIVING WORD.

And it started with me noticing and recognizing this tendency I have to believe that I am ‘doomed’. Like, something will come up, or I will face something about myself that I hadn’t realized before. And for a moment I’m like ‘omg I’m so evil for doing this or being this way’. Which, yeah, fair enough, it’s true. I AM or HAVE BEEN ‘evil’, because, the mind is simply evil.  Everything about our human existence is ‘evil’, so yeah, when I start getting honest with myself, I’m gonna see some shit.

But I noticed that in the back of my mind, there is also a lot of resistance and reluctance to seeing the ‘shit’. Even though there’s a commitment to be as self-honest as I can be, there’s always at the same time been this strong resistance to really SEE the reality of myself. Because there’s this belief that I am effectively ‘damned’. That, in other words I do not have the ability to simply ‘change’, but that rather I am defined by whatever I am seeing and realizing. And that, when I see something ‘evil’ about myself, that means I AM evil.

So when I saw this point of ‘damnation’ within my mind I was like, ‘wait a minute, where’s my forgiveness??’ Why is it that even with all those years of applying and walking self-forgiveness, there’s still this belief within me that when it comes to the ‘evil’ inside me I can’t simply see it, realize it, forgive it and change? That somehow I must fear it because apparently I am ‘doomed’??

Which made me realize that clearly it’s within how I have and still actually am DEFINING the word ‘forgiveness’. Defining it as something that I cannot truly in fact give to myself. Something that I must strive to, and prove myself worthy of. Where, I must first prove that I am ‘good’ in order to ‘deserve forgiveness’. Lol, which is just crazy actually. I’ve defined ‘forgiveness’ in and as the religious construct in the mind. In terms of it being something that exists sort of in the ‘spirit realm’. Something that isn’t just HERE, directly accessible to me, but exists in some alternate dimension which I cannot actually get to.

It’s the accepted conditioning of the word as connected with the story of Jesus and the Bible and God and all that. All STORIES which really have nothing to do with actual practical reality. With what’s HERE. It’s more in the principle of ‘after you die’. Things like ‘forgiveness’ or ‘heaven’ or unconditional acceptance and love and absolution, will only be available to you after you die – and even there it’s a ‘maybe’. Cause again, it’s just stories that have nothing to do with REALITY.

The living word FORGIVENESS is actually simply about recognizing and realizing my power, ability and authority to GIVE myself all the things I’ve always wanted, through for instance living words. All those things that’s been defined in and as the religious construct – ‘heaven’, ‘unconditional love’, ‘acceptance’, ‘forgiveness’, ‘absolution’, ‘grace’, etcetera. All things that are of ‘Godliness’. So no wonder Jesus, along with forgiveness, have become defined in and as the religious construct, so that human beings would never recognize and realize the actual POWER of forgiveness, but would simply accept that it’s something ‘inaccessible’ for us ‘mere mortals’. Accepting our total disempowerment to create and give ourselves everything that we’ve always truly wanted on a beingness level. To truly stand as God and Creator.

www.desteni.org
www.desteniiprocess.com

www.destonians.com

www.eqafe.com

Caught in a Lie

This is a continuation of my previous post "Living Safe Haven on all Levels"

You know in those comedy movies where you have a scene wherein someone is placed on the spot and they tell a lie and then the whole scene is about them just trying to build on that lie because once they’ve started lying, there’s no turning back and then the whole thing just spins out of control, and you think to yourself how stupid it is that now this whole movie is about basically the consequential playouts of that one lie and if they had just not started lying none of those consequences would have continued to play out?

I kind of found myself in a scene like that today where I felt like I was on the spot and confronted with a task I had forgotten to do, and instead of simply truthfully saying ‘yes I’m sorry, I forgot’, the first thing that came out of my mouth was “No, I didn’t forget”.  And then obviously when I was further pushed with more questions I had to continue lying that I ‘hadn’t forgotten’, cause now it’s a lot more daunting to be ‘honest’ about not only that ‘I’d forgotten’ but also that ‘I was lying’. Now it’s TWO major character flaws that would be exposed.

And even though it didn’t have too many consequential playouts – none that I could immediately assess anyways – it still rattled me afterwards. Because, to be ‘honest’ has always been one of my values throughout my life. At some point I sort of vowed and decided that I was going to always be as honest as I possibly can be. To, even when it’s difficult to admit to something, still push myself to just be open and honest about myself. Because I realized that, ‘honesty lasts the longest’. When you are honest, even though in the moment you may appear ‘flawed’, in the long run people will come to know you as a trustworthy individual. And that’s a lot more valuable than having just a momentary sense of having ‘gotten away with something’ or a moment of avoiding someone seeing a flaw in you. And also, like in the movies, once you start shrouding yourself in lies, trying to keep up with all those lies takes a lot more effort lol. Whereas when you are honest, you have nothing to hide, and therefore you can just breathe and ‘be yourself’.

So I mean clearly, even though I have this ‘value’, it can still be ‘influenced’ and manipulated by the mind in these kinds of moments when for example a fear comes up of ‘consequences’ that might be connected with ‘being honest’. So it just shows me that this ‘value’ does not stand within me as a living word but is more something I’ve been living in separation of myself. Something I’ve been trying to ‘live towards’ or ‘live up to’. But I haven’t entirely defined and redefined the word honesty for myself.

Cause clearly how I used to define it is more in relation to ‘other people’. To not have secrets and not hide things from ‘others’. Standing in a polarity with ‘dishonesty’. Yet, never really asking myself or realizing why ‘dishonesty’ exists in the first place. Dishonesty exists because there is fear of things like punishment or judgment. Dishonesty is when we fear how another may react to our ‘honesty’. So dishonesty if anything is just a consequence of there not being a supportive environment in this world for ‘honesty’.

So obviously ‘honesty’ can only really exist as a living word, when there is no such thing as judgment or punishment. When I have a space and environment, a ‘safe haven’, where I can be unconditionally honest about everything that exists in me and everything that I am, without getting any ‘backlash’ for it. So therefore, given the current state of this reality, this kind of honesty can only exist in relation to myself. Only I can give myself that safe haven, that supportive environment that is free of judgment and punishment, to make me feel like I don’t have to be dishonest to protect myself. AND only I exist within me so the only ‘honesty’ that can be real, that can be tested and verified, is that ‘inner honesty’. Where, I see and know who I really am. Another cannot possibly see into the core of me, or take responsibility for my self-honesty. Only I can really see the real me.