When you're standing behind the scenes, you're still abusing

 This is a continuation of my previous post "The Road of the Least Resistance"


This is one of those sort of 'tricky' points to really see or be aware of. So when you see them, you have to grab them with both hands and write them down and open them up immediately lol. Cause they'll slip through the cracks of your awareness just as fast and disappear. I mean it's something I've been living yet have not been aware of it whatsoever. Or rather did not see it for what it was, and did not question it.

And it occurred to me as I was reading through one of the lessons in DIP Lite. In particular this paragraph:

In this, choice plays an intricate role that those discerning with common sense will realize. The actual choice is a directive principle within self-realised common sense – by which, and as which, you stand and thus, become – and not waver/alter even one inch/refraction – but stand as it, by it, as yourself, until it is done. This is not ‘choice’ from a polarity-reality where choice exists within this reality of mind, defined by ‘options’ as ‘free will’. This choice is an absolute standing as emergence of self; here as all as one as equal as Life.

I asked myself, am I living this 'choice'? Have I truly made this 'choice' for myself? I always ASSUMED I had, because I am 'walking with Desteni' and I am 'applying self-forgiveness'. Yet, if I'm being honest, there is 'something' there. Some part of me where I am not entirely 'standing'. Where I still hold back. So I asked myself, 'why? What am I holding back for?' Not having made the ABSOLUTE UNWAVERING choice, but still somewhere somehow allowing a 'backdoor'. An opportunity and possibility to still 'abuse'. To still have the illusion of 'free choice' or 'free will'. An attitude of being 'non-committal'.

And essentially a habit of 'getting things my way'. A habit of, if I end up not liking something, then I don't have to do it anymore. It's definitely in a way having a 'weak constitution'. Allowing that 'weakness' and almost a point of 'cowardliness'. Like saying to myself "it's Ok to be weak and not follow through on something when it gets tough". So I always hold that backdoor open to myself, 'just for in case things get tough and I feel like retreating'.


And so I also tend to not throw myself into the action so to speak. Going ‘full throttle’. I’ll more sit back, stay ‘behind the scenes’. Going, ‘well, I’m still participating’, but I’m staying in the ‘middle-ground’, kind of having one foot in one world and one foot in the other. Not wanting to commit because, well if I commit ‘and it doesn’t work out’, then what?

And it’s fascinating how I’ve lived my life like that. Never committing to anything because of this mantra of ‘what if it doesn’t work out, then I’ll be stuck?!’ I wanted to rather just hang out in the middle ground, keeping all my options open. So that I could choose what works out best for me when I want it. Believing that ‘all roads lead to Rome’. That if I don’t move and commit to walking one single road, I’ll have access to all roads and I will ‘have it all’. And this logic always seemed so intelligent. That, I’m just being smart about things. In a way it’s similar to trying to be a ‘Jack of all trades’. Trying to have my finger in every pot. So that, if one thing doesn’t work out, well then I still have all these other options. I don’t have to go under completely along with it.

But I never realized or considered that ‘commitment’ isn’t necessarily about ‘what I do’ as much as about ‘who I am’. Commitment is about DECIDING ‘who I am’, what I stand for, and clearly defining my SELF. It’s always been easy to be ‘non-committal’ about things in this world, like what job am I going to do, or what do I want to go and study or what hobbies do I want to pursue, cause it all seemed so ‘empty’ and ‘meaningless’ anyways. In a world where life is not honored in a systematic way, how can anything you do within that system have any worth?

And so my experience around the word ‘commitment’ had been defined within this experience of purposelessness. That, nothing means anything anyways so whatever you commit yourself to will be meaningless as well. And, I’ve hidden behind that belief. That at the end of the day, everything is meaningless anyways and it doesn’t matter what you commit to. And foregoing the fact that actually, there is a choice. And that, not making that deliberate CHOICE, still means you are choosing. If you don’t deliberately CHOOSE life, then you choose abuse. There is no ‘middle-ground’. It is all or nothing. It is simple. And to CHOOSE is to COMMIT. To be all in. No matter what. Come what may. To throw yourself into the action. To be on the forefront. To lead. And to be a ‘leading example’ of ‘what you stand for’ and ‘what you are committed to’.




www.desteni.org
www.destonians.com
www.desteniiprocess.com
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The Potential Me vs the Actual Me

This is a continuation of my previous post "Let me be Bad"

So there's basically a 'potential you', as in the 'best version of you', but then there's also the 'actual you', as just the 'reality' of how you're existing. And it's kind of like you're existing in the middle of these two, deciding in every moment which one you 'really are'.

But I've found that, when you're not entirely clear with yourself about 'where you're at' within it all, it's sort of easy or 'easier' to 'revert' to 'what you're used to' and 'who and how you've always been'. Which is essentially the 'you' in the mind. Cause it's kind of like, you're not entirely clear about the fact that, you do face a 'choice' in every moment. So you kind of just go into 'default mode'.

So it's good to 'clarify' with yourself what exactly your 'potential' is and what your 'default mode' is. So you can 'empower' yourself to be an 'educated voter' lol when it comes to yourself. For instance my 'default mode' is to go into thoughts and energies of comparison, self-glorification, superiority, specialness and self-importance. But I know that my 'potential', as in simply 'what is best' lol but also sort of my 'best self' and who I know I am deep down sort of, is in fact entirely 'self-less'. To in fact have no 'self' but to be very much 'involved' with 'others' and the reality around me. To thus not even 'exist' at all as my 'self' IS 'other beings'. Living more 'externally' than 'internally'. And yet, somehow throughout my life I've ONLY been existing 'internally'.

And this is also the thing, that your default mode is like the complete opposite of your potential. So the more you 'give in' to the 'default', the further you're moving away from your potential, and the more difficult it'll become to move into your potential. But then that's just the way it's been designed. You didn't think realizing yourself would be 'easy', did you? lol

So you want to basically be able to 'tell' when you're clearly just existing 'by default', so it doesn't end up 'going under the radar'. So you don't end up 'slipping' into it, unnoticed. So you want to just get REAL familiar with your 'programming'. Or, I do anyways lol, cause I am just talking to myself mostly here. And I have definitely been noticing just how 'lenient' I have actually been. Sort of just letting things 'fly under the radar' and go 'unchecked'. Things I really should be directing a lot better. Because too many times I do find myself 'lost' within the mind because of the thoughts and energies I believed were 'harmless'. But then having to realize that I did also 'lose' whatever 'potential' I was at some point seeing for and of myself.

So realizing how important it is to clarify for myself exactly what my 'potential' is, so I can effectively 'make my choice' in those moments when I tend to 'lose myself' the most.