Are you Worthy?

This is a continuation of my previous post "Live by Principles so you can be Trusted"

What I have found is that when it comes to things like self-love, self-care, self-appreciation, self-respect, self-worth and self-acceptance - they're things you have to 'earn'. You have to 'prove yourself worthy'. They're not things that you 'just' give to yourself.

And that, when you feel 'worthless' or 'rejected', it's silly to go "Oh, just accept yourself" or "just recognize your own worth" or "you just have to appreciate yourself more". Even though that's what we do. That's the stuff that we say to each other and to ourselves. But, does it ever work?

It doesn't. And maybe that's our only 'saving grace' too. Our only point of self-honesty. That we can't just accept the appreciation or acceptance, until we know we've earned it. And, trust me, you'll KNOW when you've earned it. You'll be able to look at yourself and not be able to NOT have respect and regard for yourself. It will be HERE.

And, until it is undeniably here, you are still only in the process of earning and proving yourself worthy. Which is fine. I mean really all you can do is just be honest about it. At least then you have self-honesty. And a starting point. And that's at least 'something'. It means you exist, at least. It means you're real.

Then you can start your 'real' process. Building yourself up from scratch. Proving that you are life. Purifying yourself and passing through the eye of the needle. Living words, like self-love, self-respect and self-appreciation, in a way that makes them undeniably here.

Forcing yourself to Face what's Here

This post is a continuation of "What I must do as a Human Being on Earth"

These past few posts have been a bit 'hard to swallow' information. Some 'harsh truths' that I myself had been neglecting. And when you realize that you had been living in 'blissful ignorance', those 'harsh truths' feel like a bottomless pit that you have to 'dig out' to really face all the things you had been avoiding.

But with each point I found that, when I first realized it was something I had been avoiding, it seemed like I was staring down a massive black hole that would swallow me up if I dared plunge into it. Then as I forced myself to really face exactly what I had been avoiding to face for so long, it was painful. There was the kind of deep shame and regret that came up which seemed like it would be endless.

But I also found that, I'm still here. It didn't actually 'swallow me whole'. And I'm sure there will be lots more to face and plenty of painful things to realize and go through. At the end of the day all I have is the realization that, "Hey, I'm still here!"

There is a strength in that. To know that you can face reality. That you have the integrity to not look away. That you can stand through the storm no matter how heavy it is. I figure if there is one thing that I can make my 'legacy', if anything at all, then it would at least be this. It would be that I was at least honest enough to face all the shit that's here. That I at least faced and owned up to all the lies that I've been telling myself and that I was at least humble enough to do that small thing.

It may not be a glamorous or pleasant point to walk, but at least it will be real and at least I will have done something real. And if there is anything I can respect myself for, it will be that.