Thursday, July 30, 2020

Emergency Color Reading

In this blog I'm just sharing a color reading I did for myself the other day. Which is something I started doing as a point of support for just those moments when I feel quite 'stuck' in a particular experience or point and I am just not seeing a solution or a 'way out'. I'll just test out a color to offer guidance and perspective from my being or the universe or whatever lol. From whatever 'deeper me' or 'deeper self' that already sees the answer and can then, through a color, come through to show me what it is I should be realizing and seeing to get myself 'unstuck'. I've found it quite a convenient and helpful tool for myself, so I created the 'Emergency Color Reading' on Space of Grace, so others can have access to it as well.

Anyways, the other day I was just feeling PARTICULARLY stuck in something. We're talking straight-up despair, hopelessness, helplessness, disempowerment. All that good stuff. So I thought 'fuck it', 'I'M TESTING OUT A COLOR FOR THIS SHIT'. I didn't feel like particularly spending too much time in the whole experience. I mean, the experience felt REAL. Yet there was a part of me that was also like "Weeell, but maybe it's not..." 

I've had my run-ins with the mind before and usually, even when something FEELS very REAL, as if you're going to just be feeling that way forever-and-ever, it's not ACTUALLY real. But the trick is that you have to sort of find the right insight, realization or understanding to have that 'aha' moment that kind of pulls you out of the experience and returns you 'back to normal'. And that's not always so easy.

I mean I'm not saying that a color reading is going to magically change everything, BUT it can definitely be a 'vital support'. A little perspective can go a long way sometimes to quantify your ability to transcend something. 

Like this color that tested out for me for instance. It really touched on a much deeper point that's been an issue throughout my life, as well as showing me a solution. And it does make a lot of sense, in terms of how I can support myself to avoid getting myself stuck into those moments of despair/hopelessness/helplessness/disempowerment. So I'm quite grateful to have this support, of color readings, at my disposal. It's been quite an interesting and eye-opening journey so far with the color readings.

Now without further ado, enjoy this color reading :)

In this color it's almost like, it's not really a positive or a negative. It's 'neither here nor there'. Kind of like being 'in between' everything. Not good or bad, not positive or negative, not right or wrong. Not particularly here or there or anywhere. 

Because, you have this 'want' to go into something 'positive'. So this color is also showing the solution as the 'stopping' of it, of that 'want'. Like bumping into a ceiling when you're wanting to float upwards. Like a, "nope, not going there". Not letting yourself float off into anything 'positive', as in not letting yourself create anything 'more' than what is actually simply 'here'. Not letting yourself drift off into those positive feelings. But staying more grounded and 'anchored' into the more 'boring' or 'monotonous' or 'same old' reality that's just here. A reality that's not particularly 'positive' or 'exciting' and that's not really anything in particular.

Almost like forcibly holding and keeping yourself HERE. Because, you're at the same time struggling to break free and escape, as you WANT to float off into the 'positive'. It's like this automatic, constant and immediate movement of just "I want to feel positive!" Like a helium balloon that just wants to float upwards all the time, and that WILL drift off if you let it.

So it's an acceptance of life as being 'boring' in a way, as in just without all the ups and downs - mostly the ups. And putting a stop to the constant looking for excitement. The constant looking for some sense of stimulation, to stir up some kind of reaction inside. Kind of like being a parent to yourself and just saying 'NO' to that little energy demon that needs and wants to be constantly entertained. That always wants things to be 'happening' and 'going on' and will even deliberately go and look for and create 'drama' and 'conflict', even if it's just imaginary, just to trigger some reactions and stir up some energy internally.

Like putting yourself in 'time out', making an effort to make sure that you 'keep a lid on' that automatic tendency to ALWAYS, constantly and continuously want energy, excitement and stimulation. Cause it's like a personality design at this point. Something you've developed throughout your life and has become part of just the 'inner you', to the point that you're usually not even aware of it. It's an 'energy addiction' that's become completely integrated, because you've developed it throughout your 'developing' years. So at this point you believe that that little voice going "I NEED energy/excitement/stimulation" is the real you.

And so in a way because of that, you also don't really know how to not be that way. How to 'calm yourself down' and ground yourself. And you've even tried many things in your life to ground yourself and just create that sense of being 'settled' inside, but you don't feel like much of it has really worked. On the inside you still feel like you could just jump out of your own skin in every moment. Just 'wound up', 'tensed up', 'excitable' and almost 'vibrating'.

So you need to find things that 'relax' you. That create that sort of 'stable lifestyle'. A structure, a repetitive pattern to live by. Where there is in other words not much happening that's 'out of the ordinary'. Because, you want 'ordinary'. You want 'plain'. You want things being the same every day to an extent. Predictability. Like back when you went to school, or when you're at work. There's never anything 'exciting' happening because it's always the same structure and repetitive pattern. Same thing, day in and day out. So draw up a schedule, map out your day, inject some physical exercises to get into your body more. Don't give your mind a chance to hijack the moment by going into a 'lull' or 'not having anything to do' or 'not knowing what to do'. You want to always be ahead of yourself in terms of keeping your focus on the physical reality.

Don't want to really have that 'leisure time' where you're left 'twiddling your thumbs'. Cause that's when the mind will take that as an opportunity to just find some 'shit to stir up', in terms of bringing up thoughts and reactions. Since you're not doing anything in physical reality, the mind will just 'keep you busy'. And that's where you'll then end up 'floating off' into a whole bunch of mental constructs and experiences that aren't actually real. Just cause you gave your mind an opening. You left a moment 'unchecked' and didn't see the mind lurking around the corner as a wolf in sheep's clothing. Seemingly so innocent with its thoughts and energies seeping in, but it'll really do a number on you.

So you may never have liked structure, or school or work or anything having to do with that physical repetition and predictability, but sweetie it's what you dearly need. So find some things to do, pour them into a structure, don't give your mind a chance to bounce around. You want to know what you're doing at pretty much every moment of your day. Be your own school teacher, your own parent, your own employer and give yourself direction, structure and tasks. You have to be both the one creating the structure, as the one executing it.

AND, time to start realizing that structure isn't 'bad for you' lol. That maybe you more used to resent structure because of the WAY that it was 'forced upon you', without much context or explanation or guidance. Where you felt as though you were a 'feral cat being shoved into a cage', in a 'not-so-pleasant' way. And maybe your life of avoiding structure was more a rebellion against just the way the structure had been introduced to you early on, not necessarily against structure itself.

Because, EVERYTHING is and has structure. Life is structure. From all the cells in the body, to even an atomic level. Reality operates according to structure. So if you want to be part of life, you need to have and live and move according to structure. Even the mind has structure. It's just hidden under such thoughts and experiences like "I don't need structure!". And that's why the mind can't be trusted lol.

So you need to be supportive of yourself. Obviously it doesn't help when you're trying to bring in structure to your life, while at the same time you're also fighting and battling the structure. That's why it 'never worked' every time you've tried. You need to show you as the 'feral cat' that you're a friend. That the 'cage' is good. It's for protection. It's for safety. It's to be able to relax and find a 'home', and stop being so high-strung all the time. You need to show yourself that 'hey, I'm just here to support.' Here as a friend. Here to lend a hand and offer guidance. And help yourself 'ease into' the structure. So you can shake off those memories of the past where 'structure' meant 'being forced' and 'being pressured' and 'not being considered', and develop a new relationship with structure in your life. One that honors you and is truly 'what's best for you'.

Because no, just letting yourself run around like a 'feral cat', without any structure or guidance and without being grounded into reality, is not what's 'best' for you. It's an illusion of 'freedom' in the mind, that's more just a REACTION to feeling like you've been forced to do things you didn't want to do. A reaction to feeling like your voice was not being heard or considered within whatever 'structure' you felt you were being 'forced into'. It's like Peter Pan and the Lost Boys who chased that idea of absolute 'freedom', yet were still left yearning for a 'mother' and a 'home' at the end of the day. They just came from 'broken homes'. From orphanages, and places where they felt they were not being considered by their environment. And they rebelled against that. But what they really wanted and needed deep down, was just to know that the 'structure' they were expected to live was truly 'for their own good'. To just know they're being loved and cared for and considered, and then they would have been happy to stick around, and do what was expected of them. They wouldn't have felt the need to venture off to some magical 'second star from the right' alternate universe where none of the rules of reality apply. They would have found 'freedom' right where they are, within 'structure'.

1 comment:

  1. That was exactly the color of the uniforms used on the militirized school and the same color it´s used for the uniforms of the prisoners here in México. It´s so interesting how you just have putted into those words. Thank you Kim.