I found that I get really affected, as in I get all stressed out and anxious and tense inside, when I feel like certain things are ‘expected’ of me. It’s come up specifically with my QCK business, where people will buy like a color reading or will ask for perspective on a point. And so now I am dealing with a ‘deadline’ where I must finish this ‘product’ in a specific time, or where I have to basically ‘deliver’ and ‘perform’. And where, even though I do have the ability and the skill, I’ll still go into this anxiety about creating/delivering this product and doing this thing.
But then, because QCK and the color readings is such a new kind of thing, that I have and very much still am developing and exploring, I sometimes come across things I haven’t experienced or seen before. Where I still need to walk somewhat of a process of sort of feeling in the dark and figuring out how to do it or what it is. That’s when the anxiety and stress really kicks in. But not just that, there is also an impatience and sort of irritated way that I handle and react to myself. Where I EXPECT myself to DELIVER things in a certain specific way, regardless of the fact that I’m actually still figuring things out and that realistically I can’t really say what the finished product will be necessarily. Cause I’m still walking it and creating it as I go.
So yeah, from that perspective I am dealing with UNREALISTIC expectations, cause I’ve got this image in my head of what I’m ‘expecting’ myself to be creating, while in reality that’s just not how it works. In reality, to be honest when it comes to QCK and the color readings, it is ALWAYS different lol. Really I never know what to expect. And that is also the cool thing about it. It is something I enjoy. That aspect of exploration and uncovering and getting to know new and different aspects of reality through QCK sessions and reading colors. I learn a lot through it all.
But yes I am noticing that there is this ‘programming’ in my mind of having these ‘expectations’. As if I’m this ‘factory’ that’s programmed to always just produce the same thing over and over and over again. While, sure in a way that’s the idea of it. When it comes to any business, you do want things to be ‘automated’ in a way so that you can expect to get a certain product and so you and your customers know what to expect. BUT in a way I’m not there yet. Cause I’m still BUILDING my business, as I am also still building myself in a way, and my abilities and skills.
So, why am I on my case like this? Pressuring and rushing and pushing myself within something that I am still only LEARNING. Why am I not leaving the space open so to speak, within understanding and patience, for the process I’m walking? Having EXPECTATIONS that do not meet REALITY. That have nothing to do with what I am actually busy doing in fact. Expectations that are more a relic in a way of the ‘old programming’. The old programming in terms of where as a person you’re essentially an organic robot from the moment you are born. And your output is equal to the input.
Where your parents and family and the school system as society take full advantage of the fact that they can program you to their liking. That by putting in a certain ‘input’, they can expect a certain ‘output’. And everything about your ‘growing’ up is just a regurgitation of what’s being ‘put into you’. You’re expected to perform according to how you’ve been programmed. Because, you are an organic robot, and that is the purpose of an organic robot. You are not actually ‘alive’. You are not an actual ‘individual’.
BUT when you’re in a process of SELF-creation, that’s a whole different ball-game. Can’t really have those ‘expectations’ necessarily. Not when it comes to points you’re still opening up, exploring, getting to know and developing. I mean you can only have ‘expectations’ in relation to things that you already understand. When you already have an insight and understanding of how something works and exists. And you need to be real with yourself about the things that you do and the things you don’t yet understand fully. And so the things you can realistically ‘expect’ of yourself. And where you actually need space, patience and understanding.
So especially in relation to the experiences of irritation and impatience and anxiety and stress with regards to expecting a certain ‘performance’, you might want to look into where you’re approaching things from within the ‘old programming’, and are having expectations without real understanding or insight of things, or where you’re still having to develop specific skills and abilities and are thus in no position to expect anything yet. Cause you’re no organic robot. I mean you are lol, but you are also still learning to be your own creator. And that needs an entirely different approach from what you’re used to. It needs patience, understanding and space, instead of pushiness, rushedness and pressure.